I'm fairly new, but thought I'd post this and see if anyone has some thoughts on the situation..
My MIL is difficult on her best of days, to put it nicely. She's done to much stuff to get into, but some highlights are always asking us for money, making up stories and lies about us and others, and she unfortunately is one of those who thrives of pity and isn't happy unless everyone else around her is miserable.
Well she had wanted us to go down and see her for her birthday which was earlier in the month. Well we couldn't make it down, work would not allow it. (Plus it's a very long trip) Over the Christmas holidays we did make it down, and took her out as a belated birthday gift. While we were out she asked me what I was going to do for my upcoming birthday. I told her not much, work and come home, it's in the middle of the week, and I'm really not all that concerned about it.
She asks my DH what he's going to do for me, and he tells her that he's going to try and leave work early so we can spend the afternoon together and take me to dinner. Well my MIL much to our embarrassment proceeds to throw a temper tantrum about how she should have been more important, and how he should always love his mother more than his wife. Whatever, so much drama. My DH gets angry and informs her that in his eyes, wife trumps mother every time. We paid the bill and made a hasty retreat, dropping her off and going to another relatives place.
So we didn't deal with her anymore on that trip. We're not going to feed into her woe is me BS drama. My DH told me that he wants to just cut her out because she's so toxic, but he can't help but worry. No one else in his family gives a crap about her, and he feels obligated to help her.
I know all I can do is support him no matter which way he goes, but I can't help but think it would make life so much less stressful for us if she was no longer in the picture. I would never tell my DH that, but really is it so bad to want less stress in your life?
I'm sorry that this is so long.