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Oh for the love of pete! Ranting sorry

I'm fairly new, but thought I'd post this and see if anyone has some thoughts on the situation..

My MIL is difficult on her best of days, to put it nicely. She's done to much stuff to get into, but some highlights are always asking us for money, making up stories and lies about us and others, and she unfortunately is one of those who thrives of pity and isn't happy unless everyone else around her is miserable.

Well she had wanted us to go down and see her for her birthday which was earlier in the month. Well we couldn't make it down, work would not allow it. (Plus it's a very long trip) Over the Christmas holidays we did make it down, and took her out as a belated birthday gift. While we were out she asked me what I was going to do for my upcoming birthday. I told her not much, work and come home, it's in the middle of the week, and I'm really not all that concerned about it.

She asks my DH what he's going to do for me, and he tells her that he's going to try and leave work early so we can spend the afternoon together and take me to dinner. Well my MIL much to our embarrassment proceeds to throw a temper tantrum about how she should have been more important, and how he should always love his mother more than his wife. Whatever, so much drama. My DH gets angry and informs her that in his eyes, wife trumps mother every time. We paid the bill and made a hasty retreat, dropping her off and going to another relatives place.

So we didn't deal with her anymore on that trip. We're not going to feed into her woe is me BS drama. My DH told me that he wants to just cut her out because she's so toxic, but he can't help but worry. No one else in his family gives a crap about her, and he feels obligated to help her.

I know all I can do is support him no matter which way he goes, but I can't help but think it would make life so much less stressful for us if she was no longer in the picture. I would never tell my DH that, but really is it so bad to want less stress in your life?

I'm sorry that this is so long.

BabyFruit Ticker image

Re: Oh for the love of pete! Ranting sorry

  • Well the good news is that your DH is being a great husband in this situation and doing what he should do.  I can understand how he would feel hesitant to completely cut her out if no one else cares about her (for good reason apparently).  However, that doesn't mean you need to see or talk to her on a regular basis.  Your H can talk to her as much as he pleases, but I wouldn't visit her except for maybe a few times a year.
  • Be thankful that it's a long trip to her house!  That way, you won't have to visit that often!

    Let DH take her calls.  If she phones, let it go to voicemail and have dh reply (if he wants to, that is).  The more he has to deal with her directly, the less the two of you will wind up putting up with her nonsense.

  • My DH told me that he wants to just cut her out because she's so toxic, but he can't help but worry. No one else in his family gives a crap about her, and he feels obligated to help her.

    He cant have it both ways!!! He needs to decide if he is going to stop putting up with her BS or deal with this the rest of his life!

  • She sounds nuts -- and when she started the lying about you, that should have been the end of your dealings with her.

    YOur H enabled her for all these years. I suggest that you and he end this nonsense and start living your lives NOT under the Sword of Damocles called Your MIL.

  • Thanks everyone. Yeah DH and I talked about it this evening, when his mother called to wish us a happy new years. She tried to offer us half hearted apologizes, and then got pissy when no one picked up the phone. DH has decided to stop speaking to her all together and change his cell number and our home line (She doesn't have my cell).Which I'm glad he has decided to do.

    We've put up with her crap long enough. He's saying he's going to cut most of his family out of his life because they crave the same kind of drama. Hopefully this will work out for the best for us. Thanks again to those of you who replied!

    BabyFruit Ticker image
  • We're not going to feed into her woe is me BS drama

    My advice on this- is to not even get angry!  The calmer he remains and the more matter of fact he is - the less she gets from it.  What he said was perfect, but HOW he says it can play into her drama.  Instead of getting angry, a VERY calm "Well mom, I don't agree.  You're important to me, but now that I'm married, Shadow is my first priority.".  To the point, matter of fact.  And she really gets nothing from [email protected]

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • image ShadowFox:
    *snip*

    So we didn't deal with her anymore on that trip. We're not going to feed into her woe is me BS drama. My DH told me that he wants to just cut her out because she's so toxic, but he can't help but worry. No one else in his family gives a crap about her, and he feels obligated to help her.

    I know all I can do is support him no matter which way he goes, but I can't help but think it would make life so much less stressful for us if she was no longer in the picture. I would never tell my DH that, but really is it so bad to want less stress in your life?

     

    Do you ever wonder WHY no one else gives a crap about her?

    Look, I haven't expounded much on the relatives the Mr. and I cut off permanently in the last few years but...I can safely say in at least one case, many of us stuck it out because "she's a lonely old lady and no one else will take care of her".  Know why she was a lonely old lady w/ no one else?  Because she's a horrible manipulative *** who has successfully run off and psychologically tortured everyone in her past.

    Sometimes we all have to realize that the obnoxious people in our lives have made their beds and that *we* shouldn't have to be the ones who lie in them.

  • be thankful that 1) she is a LONG drive away bc if she were closer the problems would only be magnified and 2)you have a husband who will stand his ground with her and take your side.

    i know that she's terrible and that nothing anyone says makes her less frustrating because i have a mil who is very much into being the center of attention, but just be thankful that things arent as bad as they COULD be. its hard to be positive in these situations, but as long as your H is siding with you and being firm with her all you can do is support him no matter how much you want to have her sent to an institution :)

  • I'd like to thank everyone who offered advice. If what she had done before had not been enough, what she recently done not only slammed the door, but locked it. She screwed us over big time recently and any hedging thoughts my husband might have had about acting to rashly with his mom, completely vanished.

     I don't want to get to into it, but we were suppose to by a home within the next six months, because of the mess his mother involved us in, it won't be happening anytime soon.

    Thanks again to everyone who offered advice, we're no longer dealing with her.

    BabyFruit Ticker image
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