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Friend dating someone I have known all my life

She called me tonight to tell me she has been to dinner several times with this guy who grew up with my brother.  He is 14 yrs older than her and I know all his dirty laundry-Anyway, I have decided to just be her friend and not bring up anything I know - unless she asks!

She makes some pretty odd choices and this is one. I just cant see them together but I guess I have no say in the matter, so I will just let it be.

Is this the right thing to do?

Re: Friend dating someone I have known all my life

  • I think so. It's likely that saying something wouldn't make her stop dating him and may make her resent you.?
  • Unless there is something important she would need to know (i.e. he has been convicted of robbery), don't get involved in their relationship beyond being a friend.

  • Yes, MYOB is the best thing here. You are making the right decision.
    Hope is not a strategy.
  • I think you're handling this correctly. First, it's her life to live and her mistakes to make,if he is an "odd choice" as you describe, and second, all his dirty laundry from throughout all the time you've known him isn't relevant to their relationship (unless it's something illegal or deeply immoral).  I've told my DH everything from my past as we've come to trust each other, but I would not have appreciated a friend butting in to air every piece of dirty laundry!
  • I guess it depends somewhat on what this dirty laundry is. If he's violent or has 10 DUIs or something else crazy, it might be worth warning her. If he's just been a crummy boyfriend in the past, I'd keep quiet.
  • Unless this dirty laundry is something serious I would stay out of it.  By serious I mean he is an alcoholic/drug addict, convicted felon, has 'secret' children by multiple baby-mommas, got off of rape/murder charges because of a technicality... stuff like that.  If he is just a crappy boyfriend or makes bad social decisions let her figure it out on her own unless she specifically asks you.  Even then tread very lightly, it is a tricky situation and could very well blow up in your face. 

  • My initial response was assuming he was not a felon. If that is the case, then you need to tell her. Otherwise, stay the course you are on.
    Hope is not a strategy.
  • Sure.  They can date without your permission or interference.
    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • I don't know what to tell you on this one. I had a best friend who started dating my childhood neighbor. ?Our family is friends with their family for over 30 years... well, she ended up getting prego in which they decided to get married, and then 10 years later DIVORCED! ?It sucked, his Mom would tell my Mom all about her, and she (my BFF) would tell me all about him.. UGH! ?
  • I don't think it's your place to air his laundry regardless of the content with the exception of him being a convicted pedophile.  People can rise above their indiscretions, and I'm sure after examing your life, you've rised above a few of your own.

    Let he and she develop their own relationship of trust, respect and love if that's destine to happen.

    image LIFE ~~~'34-'08 My Mom is just one prayer away!~~~ My rings were stolen, but the memories won't die!
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