Family Matters
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my mother is crazy!

Where do I begin? well after 30 years of a turbulent marriage that caused nothing but suffering to everyone around (especially us kids), my parents have decided to call it quits. This should be a good thing except that my mother has decided everything is now everyone's problem! She has been bouncing back and forth between living with different kids becuase poor her is homeless and has no driver's licsense or car. I dealt with it for as long as i could, but i can't take her, the stress she has caused me over the past few months has caused me to be an aweful wife, I"ve almost destroyed my marriage. My husband is silent when she's around trying with all his might not to give her a peice of his mind. I wish he would! then I  wouldn't be the bad guy. She has said aweful things to me that have caused me to vomit and get rashes with blisters from the stress. She comes into my home and tries to push me around the way she did when i was a child! She tries to flip our happy normal lifestyle upside down, and turn my life into the mess it was before. She is now hinting that she has got to come live with us,  because we live in town near all her old freinds, and she has just got to get back out into society! I love her and don't want to hurt her, but I can not have her in my home anymore! What should I do?

 oh yeah, and after being forced into many cults as a child, I have denounced any faith, I don't hate god, I just don't beleive in organized religion. I have told my mother this a million times, to which she replies that "I'm just going through a dark time and I"ll find my way" I keep finding my old bible back in my new home on my coffee table. For christmas she printed and framed not one but two christian poems! ON 8 X 10 PAPER!!!!!!! she will cry when I don't hang these disgusting things on my walls, I want to vomit just knowing that they are in my closet!

Re: my mother is crazy!

  • Hoping that your DH will say something so you won't have to be a bad guy is not fair to him.  It is your mom you should handle it.

    Don't let her move in.  If you don't want the Christmas gift, give it to Goodwill or the trash can.   Don't let her push you around.  No one can treat you that bad without you allowing it.

    Until you are happy with who you are, you will never be happy with what you have.
  • She makes you vomit and break out in a rash and you're still afraid to hurt her feelings?

    I mean this in the nicest way - you might want to consider going to counseling to talk out the issues you have with your mom and all she's put you through. If you still feel sorry for someone who's so abusive she makes you physically ill, you might benefit from an objective sounding board.?

  • If you are having anxiety attacks over this, then you simply can't allow her in your home, and possibly in your life.

    Don't take her calls, don't answer the door when she knocks.

    And, please see a family counselor. Maybe your DH would want to go for a session, to get some perspective. It will do you a world of good.

     

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • I totally get your situation.  You have to distance yourself from this woman.  I don't care if she is your mother...she is making your life a living hell.  You are important, you are entitled to say "No!"  Your marriage should come first, and you know this.  She is basically asking you to choose her over your marriage or yourself for that matter.  Your mother does not care about anyone but herself.  She is a grown woman and it is NOT your problem that she has made poor choices which has created her life what it is today.  She would gladly make this your problem if you would allow it.  Do not let her guilt you into letting her live with you.

    The last time my parents came to visit, I spent the majority of the time in the bathroom vomiting uncontrollably from being such a nervous wreck from having to deal with them.  They prefer to treat me as if I'm incapable of making decisions for myself.  My parents raised us in a wretched religion (very cult-like) and I no longer believe in organized religion either.  They try to shove religion down my throat every time I see them and make comments on how my children will lack the guidance needed to live a respectable life.  In the past, our Christmas gifts consisted of religious material and they have even given us subscriptions to church publications on several occasions.  After my near breakdown of having to be around them, I decided I had to take the control back.  They can only make me miserable if I allow them to manipulate and play mind games with me.  I am not a doormat and neither are you.  Take your power back and I promise everything in your life will be better.  You can do this...put yourself first for a change.  You are worth it!

  • get thee to counseling stat!!!!  my mom had a mom alot like yours.  the emotional problems caused are still being dealt with 4 years after her mother's death.  you need to realize that your mother is an adult, she is NOT helpless (can get a license, job, home)  you cannot let this woman back into your home to ruin your life the way she has hers.  in order to get over the guilt of standing up for yourself and your marriage (not what you should feel, but what i think you will) you need to find someone to talk to to help you rebuild your self esteem and your belief that you deserve to be happy.

     good luck!

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  • I'm a lurker, but saw this and wanted to say something. As pp have mentioned, she's your mom and it wouldn't be fair to dh to say something. That's your job! As for her pushing you around, it is your house not her's tell her if she can't respect you in your own home, and it's not her's, then she's not allowed there. Also talking about you being in the city and wanting to be back in "society", send her to a homeless shelter. If she is physically making you sick from the stress, you don't need her there. Tell her she isn't welcomed into your home any longer and be done with it. I was being serious about the homeless shelter. Does she do this to all your siblings also? How rude and inconsiderate.
  • Get your shit together and stand up to your Mom. ?She's not treating you with love, she's manipulating and using you. ?Until you stand up for yourself and demand respect from her, she will continue to use you. ?You're the one who is letting her destroy your life.
    image "...Saving just one pet won't change the world...but, surely, the world will change for that one pet..."
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