Family Matters
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SILs

My DH has always been ?ber close with his family - they have their arguments but anyone outside the family has to be careful about what they say, that sort of thing. No big deal, except he sometimes gets touchy about my perceived dislike of his family. I like my MIL,FIL and BIL just fine - but my SILs are just not my favorite people in the world...

 The older one has had numerous failed relationships and has always looked to DH to solve her problems. She and her two sons moved back in with my in-laws last year due to eviction. We were not close before that but since then, most of the things I say are met with eye rolling or overreaction or simply ignored. 

The younger one is eight years younger than I, and was living in her parents house when DH and I started dating, moved out with her boyfriend, then also moved back in last summer, with boyfriend in tow. We are nice enough in person to each other but do not have much in common.

Last night over coffee it came up in conversation with one of DH's good friends about how I liked my new in-laws. She went on to relate that at our reception (where SIL#1 was immature, rude, and refusing to smile for pictures or be at all pleasant because she had not confirmed with her date and he was unable to attend) that both SILs were outside having a bitchfest about how I had turned down the first two outfit choices for SIL#2 (which everyone went out of their way to ask me about and demanded my opinions and approval), and generally trash me and complain, which is something both of them do well and often. Previously mentioned friend called them out, reminding them they were here for their brother and his happy start to life and since they had asked, I was allowed to veto options, and they should go inside and smile and be happy for their brother if for no other reason. 

I know we had never been close, but I was rather surprised to hear they felt this poorly about me.

 And in a really boneheaded move, I said something to DH this morning before work (and coffee) because we will not see each other for a couple days (opposite work schedules). He was less than impressed, both with the revelation and my timing, but seemed pretty normal on his way out the door with more than our usual amount of affection. In arguments he often criticizes my so-called "need to always be right" (which always seems to be mentioned when I'm wrong) - but I feel in this case it's a need to not be the only one blamed. 

I guess I'm not really sure what I'm asking here -  do I bring it up with him again? Call my SILs out and figure out what the problem is? Just keep smiling and hope they get over whatever the issue is? Buy a dartboard and start wearing it as a cape?

Re: SILs

  • Unless they say something to your face, I'd let it go. It's not good to get into a "he said you said X" argument because you have no way of knowing for a fact they really said what you are claiming they said. It's a crappy situation but at least you know where you stand with them. 
  • My overall response is "they are your DHs sisters. YOU don't have to be buddy-buddy with them."

    The "issues" you list w/ both of them before you got to the wedding part - they kind of made me go "huh?".  Where they live, with who they live, etc - I really don't see why any of this is your concern or reason to not get along with them.  It kind of strikes me as being pretty judgmental, quite honestly.

    The only area I give you a little leeway is where the one SIL expects your DH to solver her problems.  what exactly does this mean?  With $$, with his time...??? How so? If it is w/ $$, or if it's time that takes away from time w/ you/ interrupts plans you all have - then yes, that is an issue.  But until you tell us more - I can't speak to that. 

    Then the wedding... is it tacky to b1tch about the bride AT her wedding?  Yes.  But your friend put them in their place, and as it's really pretty clear that there isn't a whole lot of love between you all... if they didn't b1tch there, they would have b1tched somewhere.  When it really comes down to it- not your business, and just simply something that I don't really see the point in bringing up with them.  Or really w/ your DH again.

    I think you AND your DH just need to accept that you aren't going to be close to them.  That's o.k.  be civil and polite to them and just leave it at that.  You married him.  you married into his family.  You did NOT marry them.  You all don't have to like one another. 

     

     

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • I don't see how their failed relationships, the fact that they move in and out of your ILs house, etc is any of your business.  Furthermore, I don't understand why you allow that to impact you.  Who the eff cares?  What effect does that have on your life?  What effect does that have on your marriage?  None.  So stop borrowing trouble.

    Regarding the wedding - sure, they should have nut up and shut up.  But whatever, it happened, it's over.  You have to move on.  Frankly, I think your friend was a jerk to bring it up.  She was stirring the pot and got you all riled up over past bullsh!t.  It was something you never needed to know.

    And how in the world did this discussion with your husband come up?  You just blurted out "Hey, by the way, I really dislike your sisters!"?  Come on!  You said he "perceives" your dislike toward them, but it sounds like you have made it abundantly clear that you don't like them.  That's not perception, that's a fact. 

    Listen, they might be rude, roll their eyes or ignore you.  If that's what they do, stop talking to them.  You don't have to be besties with them.  It sounds like they aren't interested in that kind of a relationship with you anyway.  But don't throw salt on the wound by pissing and moaning about how they choose to live their lives when it has zero bearing on your own.  It does not matter.  Allowing yourself to care about that kind of nonsense will do nothing but cause harm - for you personally and to your marriage.

     

     

  • I agree with everyone else, I'd like to know what you mean exactly when you say that your H solves his sister's problems tough. That's the only part that could represent a real issue. The rest is pointless drama, you shouldn't have included your then-fianc?'s sisters in your wedding party if you weren't close with them in the first place - provided I understood correctly. 

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