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how to trust a conniving sibling?

There is a former addict in my family with whom I have no trust in. They are overall sober but still have anger/hatred towards others. They have shared and continue to share with me all their negative opinions on things, people, and they way things work around them. I've also heard conninving comments about plans to sabbotage people though I'm not sure they've ever been followed through on. I just don't trust this person but even though they are a part of my family, I have fun with them overall minus their bad attitude. How would you deal with this?

Example: I left them borrow something of mine for 24 hours and it comes back in worse shape than it was in. When I questioned it, they got all defensive and accused me of blaming them for the damage.

Re: how to trust a conniving sibling?

  • Example: I left them borrow something of mine for 24 hours and it comes back in worse shape than it was in. When I questioned it, they got all defensive and accused me of blaming them for the damage.
  • I would try to distance yourself from them.  Especially if they try to sabotage others ( can you give an example ?).  One day you could get on their bad side and then their sights would be focused on you.
  • That's what I'm afraid of...that's why I set boundries but sometimes I can't help but want to be close...One example would be trying to sabbatage a co-worker, I can't remeber the details, but somehow do something to make them look bad or make complaints against them....
  • I second PP, though who knows if just distancing yourself will be enough to turn them on you. Basically, you can't trust a conniving person, sibling or not. Stop trusting this person with your belongings, and I'd be spending less time with them.

    Good luck. 

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  • image jessica290:
    That's what I'm afraid of...that's why I set boundries but sometimes I can't help but want to be close...One example would be trying to sabbatage a co-worker, I can't remeber the details, but somehow do something to make them look bad or make complaints against them....

    Uhmmm that sounds a bit psycho. 

  • image jessica290:
    That's what I'm afraid of...that's why I set boundries but sometimes I can't help but want to be close...One example would be trying to sabbatage a co-worker, I can't remeber the details, but somehow do something to make them look bad or make complaints against them....

    Uhmmm that sounds a bit psycho. 

  • yea, they are....and it's too bad, but I guess the 1 time I trust them to help me with something I get screwed....I guess I'm more mad at myself for trusting them with something...I guess it's a lesson learned for me and I will keep my distance and better protect my stuff
  • It must suck to find out that a person's terrible behavior is still terrible when they are sober. (If that sounds snarky, I don't mean it to be. I imagine you previously thought wow, those drugs/alcohol are really taking their toll.) But you aren't required to stand by them just because they have managed to get sober.

    This sibling sounds unhinged. I agree that you should distance yourself.

  • See, this is the thing about "family".  People are people are people.  Screwed up, untrustworthy people don't exist in a vacuum w/ no family.  They have families - clearly. 

    The point being- just because this person is "family", I'm not sure why you feel you "have" to trust them.  You don't.  You know the kind of person this sibling is.  Work with that.  Not w/ what you WISHED your family was like.

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  • image Golden42:

    It must suck to find out that a person's terrible behavior is still terrible when they are sober. (If that sounds snarky, I don't mean it to be. I imagine you previously thought wow, those drugs/alcohol are really taking their toll.) But you aren't required to stand by them just because they have managed to get sober.

    This sibling sounds unhinged. I agree that you should distance yourself.

    LOL!  I love this!

    It's like you excused your brother for being a complete d*ck because of the drugs/ alcohol but now that they're sober they're still a d*ck. LOL!

    So don't let him borrow your stuff. Don't be his confidant and just be normal and civil around him. Your title says How to trust a conniving sibling? The answer - you don't. What's the point?

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  • I have almost the same problem. I'm right there with you OP. Hopefully my story could give you some help. 

    My sister who is a year younger than me is gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that. That is her life choice and I respect that. Around the time of our wedding my sister started causing a lot of family drama. She was originally invited to the wedding, but after much thought my husband and I had to ask her not to attend. We didn't want her to cause problems with the family on our wedding day.

    After the wedding we decided to wait to establish a relationship with her again. After a few months we figured out that she lives right across the street. Knowing that, we decided to try the relationship again. But it didn't turned out like we had hoped. My sister used us. She still lives across the street, but we don't talk to her anymore. 

    I understand that you do want a relationship with this person. I would suggest stepping back for a little while and come back to see if they have changed later. I hope everything works out.  

  • image Teababe:

    My sister who is a year younger than me is gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that. That is her life choice and I respect that.

    Indifferent

    I'm not sure how your sister's sexual orientation is relevant to your anecdote? Was this unbearable drama caused by her evil gay-ness? Whew. Thank god you got that dealt with, wouldn't want a gay sister at your wedding, right?

    Seriously. Not to post-jack but that was about the strangest random homophobic insertion into a story I've ever heard. I had to read it twice, 'cause I was like wait whosawhatnow?

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  • image Tofumonkey:
    image Teababe:

    My sister who is a year younger than me is gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that. That is her life choice and I respect that.

    Indifferent

    I'm not sure how your sister's sexual orientation is relevant to your anecdote? Was this unbearable drama caused by her evil gay-ness? Whew. Thank god you got that dealt with, wouldn't want a gay sister at your wedding, right?

    Seriously. Not to post-jack but that was about the strangest random homophobic insertion into a story I've ever heard. I had to read it twice, 'cause I was like wait whosawhatnow?

     

    Ummmmm yeeeaaahhh......having a gay sibling is totally not like having a sibling who is an addict....yikes. I'm hoping against hope that that is not what you meant.

  • doglovedoglove member
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    image EastCoastBride:

    See, this is the thing about "family".  People are people are people.  Screwed up, untrustworthy people don't exist in a vacuum w/ no family.  They have families - clearly. 

    The point being- just because this person is "family", I'm not sure why you feel you "have" to trust them.  You don't.  You know the kind of person this sibling is.  Work with that.  Not w/ what you WISHED your family was like.

    Yes, this exactly. 

  • image Teababe:

    I have almost the same problem. I'm right there with you OP. Hopefully my story could give you some help. 

    My sister who is a year younger than me is gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that. That is her life choice and I respect that. Around the time of our wedding my sister started causing a lot of family drama. She was originally invited to the wedding, but after much thought my husband and I had to ask her not to attend. We didn't want her to cause problems with the family on our wedding day.

    After the wedding we decided to wait to establish a relationship with her again. After a few months we figured out that she lives right across the street. Knowing that, we decided to try the relationship again. But it didn't turned out like we had hoped. My sister used us. She still lives across the street, but we don't talk to her anymore. 

    I understand that you do want a relationship with this person. I would suggest stepping back for a little while and come back to see if they have changed later. I hope everything works out.  

    REALLY!!!!!  I feel sorry for your sister.

     

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