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MIL stress

My Husband works long hours an is gone 16 hours a day, by th time he gets home he has just enought time to play with our kids, eat supper, get a shower an fix his lunch for the next day.

So yesterday was his mother's birthday, he called her on his break an wished her a happy birthday. When he got home he jumped in the shower. his mom called just after. She completely told him off because he was'nt coming to see her on her birthday, she said so much that she ended up hurting his feelings and he didnt even eat his supper or play with our children. he just went in our basement an beat his self up more... I tried to talk to him but it did help.

I really want to tell her how bad she made him feel an get her to apologize, but now he thinks he derserved it... am I right that she should have been a little more understanding or does she have a point, that now matter how long he worked or how late it was he should have came to see her?

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Re: MIL stress

  • It's not really your place to talk to her, but I think you know that. What you can do is encourage your DH to learn to set boundaries. Life changes, and it might be hard for his mom to accept that, but beating himself up about it doesn't help anything. All he can do is the best he can do. 
  • I think that MIL needs to learn boundaries.  I feel like she should be old enough to realize that your H is married, has children and works.  Unfortunately we can't all drop our lives and responsibilities for someone's b-day.  I guess I don't understand why people make such a big deal out of a birthday.  He called her to wish her a happy b-day and acknowledged it so I think he did the right thing and you and your H should ignore her tantrum.  She needs to get over herself.  I feel like if you say something to her it may backfire on you.  If anyone says something to her it should be your H, and he should tell her that she's out of line and that behavior won't be tolerated.  

  • I find it hard to believe that your MIL hasn't done this before. Is this the first time, ever?!? 

    I think your H needs to get angry about her behavior rather than turning it in himself. I wonder about the relationship between him and your MIL. Ditto PP about asking him why he is behaving this way over his mother, a grown adult throwing a tantrum over not getting her way. BTW, if this was my H and he didn't eat dinner or play with the kids and let this B win by ruining his evening I wouldn't put up with it a second time. He needs to grow up, tell mommy to grow up and put his family first. To me, he put her first last night.  

  • image NWmommy1112:

    My Husband works long hours an is gone 16 hours a day, by th time he gets home he has just enought time to play with our kids, eat supper, get a shower an fix his lunch for the next day.

    So yesterday was his mother's birthday, he called her on his break an wished her a happy birthday. When he got home he jumped in the shower. his mom called just after. She completely told him off because he was'nt coming to see her on her birthday, she said so much that she ended up hurting his feelings and he didnt even eat his supper or play with our children. he just went in our basement an beat his self up more... I tried to talk to him but it did help.

    I really want to tell her how bad she made him feel an get her to apologize, but now he thinks he derserved it... am I right that she should have been a little more understanding or does she have a point, that now matter how long he worked or how late it was he should have came to see her?

     Not condoning or dismissing MIL's behavior, but if the birthday thing is, and probably always has been a thing for her, is there a reason he didn't make alternate plans with her prior to her actual birthday? Like, "Hey mom, I have to work on your birthday, but we'd love to have you over for dinner on X day to have a belated celebration".

  • image Jim&Jaime:
    image NWmommy1112:

    My Husband works long hours an is gone 16 hours a day, by th time he gets home he has just enought time to play with our kids, eat supper, get a shower an fix his lunch for the next day.

    So yesterday was his mother's birthday, he called her on his break an wished her a happy birthday. When he got home he jumped in the shower. his mom called just after. She completely told him off because he was'nt coming to see her on her birthday, she said so much that she ended up hurting his feelings and he didnt even eat his supper or play with our children. he just went in our basement an beat his self up more... I tried to talk to him but it did help.

    I really want to tell her how bad she made him feel an get her to apologize, but now he thinks he derserved it... am I right that she should have been a little more understanding or does she have a point, that now matter how long he worked or how late it was he should have came to see her?

     Not condoning or dismissing MIL's behavior, but if the birthday thing is, and probably always has been a thing for her, is there a reason he didn't make alternate plans with her prior to her actual birthday? Like, "Hey mom, I have to work on your birthday, but we'd love to have you over for dinner on X day to have a belated celebration".

     

    I agree, if your MIL's birthday is a big deal for her maybe you and your husband should set aside a time when you are both free to take her to a nice dinner and explain that you wanted to do it when you had time to and not just spend a short amount of time with her on her actual birthday

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