Family Matters
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MIL favoritism and FSIL update.

First I want to thank everyone for the honest advice. it was to say the least very honest. With my own wedding in a week I found myself having better things to worry about. Today our families had a brunch with one another and I ended up finding a perfect moment to talk with FSIL alone. I congratulated her on the engagement and asked if she was very excited.she said yes and said that she was glad cause no one would be trying to take her boyfriend from her now. I genuinely told her that I didnt think it was possible because he loved her too much (which I fill heartedly meant). And I ended the conversation there.

Well she proceeded to point her finger on my face saying that I tried. And I couldnt help it but I laughed. I told her I was not interested nor have I ever been in my FBIL. she then accused me of unnecessarily helping him, like with his car one time. I just explained to her that she was there when he asked me to check the engine on his car because he didn't want to be overcharged at a dealer and I knew what I was doing being a mechanics daughter.

I then apologized for any action that may have seemed threatful to her. But I told her I didnt appreciate the years of glares, scoffs and eye rolling at every comment I made. And I left it at that. I said for everyone's sake we should be civil with just hellos and not anything else because it is not their fault. She then said she really didn't care about her FI's family and she doesn't have to be nice.  I was shocked and she proceeded to say it was bad enough she was going to have a busy body MIL who had to know our every feeling. And that she didn't have to say hi to me because she had to deal with our in-laws.

The unfortunate thing about this was my soon to be MIL, FIL and her fiance heard this. I feel a little lost in this because I didn't think she would snap. I regret even congratulating her now because that is what sparked this even though I am happy for her because I know how exciting it is.

 

Update: FBIL contacted me apologizing saying he would make her apologize. I told him it was not necessary because that would just fuel the situation.I told him to just leave it be and it was done and over with. we both have been acting very immature and stupid about this, and that if she wants to talk to me she can approach me at a more appropriate time. He always said she was angry that I did not make her a bridesmaid in the wedding. I dont feel that I should have because of our strained relation. I had talked it over with my FI and he said he would not be offended since he doesn't care for her either. I don't feel its right for her to force herself into the bridal party and I have given her the opportunity to be included on other parts of the wedding.  I am very much over trying to be in healthy relations with her but I will not instigate future conflicts as enough unnecessary damage has been done.

Re: MIL favoritism and FSIL update.

  • She sounds like a real peach.

    I don't think a family brunch was the right setting for this conversation.  But, whatever, it happened.  You can't change it.

    You tried and it's abundantly clear a good relationship between you two isn't happening.  Who cares?  She doesn't care about her FI's family?  Not your problem.  She can navigate that relationship and if she burns bridges, the onus is on her.  Just stay out of it.  And PLEASE don't use this as an opportunity to try and become the favorite DIL - i.e. DO NOT discuss the day's events with your MIL and act all "I told you so."  Leave it be.

    I'm still curious how old everyone is?  This all seems very childish.

    Just an FYI - it's really frowned upon to delete posts here.  You put a problem out there, people take the time to give you a thoughtful response... it's bad form to delete.  Not to mention, other people might have a similar issue and can take something from your post and the comments the community provides. 

  • Yes I realized that my post was deleted. When I deleted it I was sort of asked myself what I was doing. I'm not used to the whole forum etiquette since this is my first time doing something like this. As for ages she is 25 and I am 23 (too old to be acting like this that's for sure; but I have seen 40 year olds do worse, but yes we both should know better)

    I don't plan on becoming the favorite DIL mainly because I am an in-law and these games really shouldn't be played. I have seen the error in my ways and I will base some of it on I didn't know how to handle myself in a situation such as this. I did not go out seeking a fight with her and merely did want to congratulate her. However, when she was in my face I would not stand for that I found it a little unacceptable even though it was in privacy in the home. But as for bringing it up I really don't want to because I am sure it was embarrassing enough for MIL to hear that.  She doesn't need someone half her age giving her grief. 

  • This marriage between BIL & SIL will not end well. 

    The good part about this conversation is you know 100% how she views this family and what sets her off. She must have issues if you looking over an engine and helping BIL out makes her convinced she has competition with you. Something about you has her defensive and you need to watch your back with her.

    Next time the have big news, send a card, make sure BIL is addressed first. It'll drive her nuts.  

  • Well, I've got to say, I'm well impressed with how you handled it, as well as how receptive you were to the advice you were given by everyone that replied.

    I'm convinced that your soon to be SIL is a raving hoebag (and it sounds as though the rest of the family is too), but you came out of this looking normal and polite and can now go on as if she and this weird rift doesn't matter at all, which it really doesn't. Good on you, I imagine that was a hard conversation to have, but you did it and you did it pretty well.

    image

    Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
    I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
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