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need some unbiased advice!

My husband and I have been married for just over 3 years, and we have been tremendously happy!  Prior to getting married we had the chat about children, and were both in a place where we didn't really have a preference either way.

I'm going to be 35 next month, so my "clock" has started ticking, loudly, and I want to have a baby.  He has been on the fence and anxious about it, but gave me the green light back in November. I came off birth control, stopped meds that were unsafe during pregnancy, etc.  

 The problem now is.....if he knows I'm anywhere near ovulation, he physically can't get the job done (mortifying as that is) the point that he asked me not to tell him where in my cycle I am. He sometimes makes comments about "this is why I think we should wait to have a baby"..(when I come home and mention I might need a root canal for $1000)...I've talked, and talked, and talked to him in an attempt for him to tell me how he really feels, as I really feel like he in no way wants a baby, but is saying yes for me. I get emotional when we talk about it, though I try not to.  He continues to tell me we can have a baby.....when what I really want to hear is that he WANTS to have a baby.

So, my dilemma is this. Do I go on as we are, in my pursuit of pregnancy because he said yes several times, or do I go back on birth control because I know (98% certain) he doesn't want a baby? I'm expecting my period at any moment, and can easily get back on birth control once it starts....but I know if I ask him, he'll tell me not to. 

He's said yes to a baby, but I worry down the road he'll resent me or a baby....and I don't know that I won't resent him down the road if we never have one. I also don't want either of us to regret not having one when we are way past being able to.

 Anyone else have this going on?..........

formerly knotted as SElizDumas for sale

Re: need some unbiased advice!

  • It seems as though your husband isn't as ecstatic as you are and that should definitely give waves to a halt in the process.

    I think it is important to cease anything until you both talk candidly about your desires. If you are 98% sure he doesn'

  • Yes, this is where my thoughts have been at. I've talked to a couple of friends about it, but all they've said is "oh, that's really tough", when what I've really wanted is input. Never before have people in my life been so non-opinionated, which is wh

    formerly knotted as SElizDumas for sale
  • I think you need to sit him down for a very honest talk. Tell him what you just told us. If it were me, I'd go back on BC just because I'd want him to be as excited and want the baby just as much as I did. If he needs longer, wait a bit longer. If he neve
  • Tell him how you feel about it.  Ask him if he is 100% sure he is okay with having a child, because if he is not, then you will get back on the pill.  Tell him that you want him to be 100% into this if it is going to happen.

    Also keep

    TTC since 1/13  DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
    Clomid 50mg 9/13 = BFP! EDD 6/7/14 M/C 5w6d Found 11/4/13
    1/14 PCOS / Gluten Free Diet to hopefully regulate my system. 
    Chemical Pregnancy 03/14
    Surprise BFP 6/14, Beta #1: 126 Beta #2: 340  Stick baby, stick! EDD 2/17/15
    Riley Elaine born 2/16/15

    TTC 2.0   6/15 
    Chemical Pregnancy 9/15 
    Chemical Pregnancy 6/16
    BFP 9/16  EDD 6/3/17
    Beta #1: 145 Beta #2: 376 Beta #3: 2,225 Beta #4: 4,548 
                        Image and video hosting by TinyPic

  • This sounds like a sticky situation. Sometimes things change and thats ok. I think it would be best to sit down with him and flat out say "I just need to know, yes or no" That way you are not waiting on him to say it, you won't be 98% sure, you will be 10
  • Why don't you switch to condoms as a form of BC instead of the pill? This way when/if HE is ready to commit to trying for a baby, he can make the choice to use protection or not, Kwim? Then he becomes an active decision maker instead of just letting it ha
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker imageVintage DS Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Thanks everyone. We sat down and had a long, long, long talk about it.  I started my period, so told him was going to start back up on BC. (I work for Planned Parenthood, so was just going to refill the RX I have there).  He told me not to, and
    formerly knotted as SElizDumas for sale
  • I feel I should preface this with I never plan of having kids and hubby doesn't either. However being LDS ( Mormon) I get involved in A LOT of discussions.


    I think "trying" to have a baby is so stressful...lemme finish keep reading..

  • Wow that is tough.  I can't imagine not being on the same page as my husband. Sounds like either he's scared to death of the financial part of things or you guys really need to get some feelings/thoughts out on the table in the open. 


    Bio "Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely!"
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