FI and I are getting married next month, and for the last few weeks ive been feeling completely smothered.
I am an only child and lived by myself my entire adult life until a year ago when we moved in together. We love spending alllll of our free time together, however, recently i just want some alone time! We have been bickering over nothing and i feel guilty when i want to do my own thing like surf the web, or go into my phone. He has really laid off saying stuff to me about those things (both of which i did too much too often) but i can tell it annoys him when i do it when we are spending time together. the problem is...we ALWAYS are spending time together, and texting thruout the day while we are at work,
For the past week when he has picked me up from work, as soon as i get in the car in instantly irritated. I just want to be alone! He has been driving me to work which is also new...i always drove myself.
Last weekend i sent him to the basement so I could do my hair and have some alone-girl time, and I didnt want to tell him to come back upstairs, but he text me from the basement that he missed me, and i felt bad and rushed to let him come back upstairs.
He comes from a family that is ALWAYS together....like, his brother moved directly behind their moms house. its insane. there is constantly at least 5-7 people in one house at a time...so I know he cant relate to me wanting to be alone and entertain myself. Recently he had a falling out with his family, so he isnt spending any time with them and doesnt have many friends. I feel so bad because im basically all he has now, and i dont want to shun him by telling him to go away,
Our sex life has been suffering for months now, I thought it was my depression kicking in, but the anti depressants didnt work, I thought it was my birth control, so I stopped taking it...still nothing. I now think it may just be we spend so much time together I dont have a chance to miss him and want him, ya know? He has been very supportive, but its frustrating for both of us.
i told him all of this today, and he agreed that maybe we should have alone time. But Im not sure if he really likes this idea like he says he does. I went to my therapist today and told her my concerns, and she told me to encourage him to go out more and start playing basketball with a mutual friend, which they have been planning to do for awhile. She told me that if I tell him Im going to take an hour a day to myself to do the things I enjoy like crafts, talk on the phone, surf the web etc, he wont have a choice but to find SOMETHING to occupy his time. She said that its a lot for me to go from one extreme (always alone) to being with someone ALL the time, and then the wedding day jitters. Its a lot of pressure. Shes right.
We both are very excited to get married and love each other very much. Like I said, im used to be alone, he isnt. So this is such a transition for me from single life to engaged and married life. Im just trying to find the happy medium without hurting his feelings.
How much time should we spend doing our own thing? Ideally, id like alone time everyday. Id love to come home from work, do whatever it is I want to do for awhile, and share our evenings together doing the things we like to do together. The thought of one day a week on the weekend alone just isnt enough....I feel like id be looking foward to that one day all week, and thats not ok either.
We used to always shower together and stopped because we both agreed it wasnt special anymore, and when we showered together the other day, it was great! I want to apply this same strategy to our everyday life.
I dont want him to feel like I dont want him around, I want him to want alone time too, i want him to have a hobby of his own and also look foward to his alone time. How can we accomplish this? Is the lets make an hour a day for time alone a good start? How do you get away?