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My husband is a bad gift giver

So my birthday just passed. ugh, I dread anything that has to do with my husband giving me gifts. He thinks he is so good at picking stuff out for me too. Oh and I hate surprises. So about 2 weeks ago, my husband says he has a surprise for my birthday. He would not budge on telling me. My birthday was on Thursday, he said we were celebrating on Saturday. Saturday morning comes and he tells me that his plans fell through and we would not be attending the hockey game he was trying to get tickets for. Mind you Thursday night, on my actual birthday, I was given the choice of watching the hockey game on tv, or having my husband go to a bar to watch it while I sat home alone. So at this point I was a little irritated that he thought I would like to go to a hockey game for my birthday. I like hockey but I do not want to go see it on my birthday. I never tell him this, I am grateful that he even remembers my birthday, but damn babe, sometimes when I tell you I want a new shower curtain for my birthday, it means I want a new shower curtain. This is not a coded message, you do not need to over think this.  What do you ladies think? Tell him or let it go and be grateful that he tries

Re: My husband is a bad gift giver

  • Be grateful he remembers, first of all, AND that he tries.

     If it really bugs you, use what you said here as as an example - "Thank you for thinking of me, but for my birthday I would really prefer something practical versus tickets to a sporting event"

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  • First of all don't listen to the fool saying be grateful he remembered. Those tickets aren't a gift to you it's a self serving occasion to get what he wants. You need to chat with him and tell him not to surprise you with extras. Stick to the list I give you. Anything else is self serving
  • Tell him that you don't want to watch hockey for your birthday, of course.  Why is this even a question?
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  • image ReturnOfKuus:
    Tell him that you don't want to watch hockey for your birthday, of course.  Why is this even a question?

    This.  You should be open enough to tell him what you want to do for your birthday.  Since he didn't get you the tickets, tell him you want to go pick out that new shower curtain that you want and then you want to go to dinner or something.

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  • image ROFL ATTACK:
    First of all don't listen to the fool saying be grateful he remembered. Those tickets aren't a gift to you it's a self serving occasion to get what he wants. You need to chat with him and tell him not to surprise you with extras. Stick to the list I give you. Anything else is self serving

    This. I doubt he got tickets for you and if he did a nice dinner before or after would have gone a long way. You don't have to be mean about it but it sounds like the perfect time to discuss gifts.   

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  • image ROFL ATTACK:
    First of all don't listen to the fool saying be grateful he remembered. Those tickets aren't a gift to you it's a self serving occasion to get what he wants. You need to chat with him and tell him not to surprise you with extras. Stick to the list I give you. Anything else is self serving

    uhhh duh this.

    What a selfish prick. He wasn't getting those tickets for you and who tells someone they care about, bar to watch the game or stay in and watch the game? I'll leave and go to the bar without you! What an a$$!

    Please tell me on his birthday you make him shop all day at Bed Bath & Beyond?!? 

  • It has crossed my mind...I thought about taking him to the spa for an eyebrow waxing and a facial...becasue of course, it would be for "both of us"
  • As a married man I stick to the script when it comes to birthday gifts. Occasionally I fly off the cuff with surprises like one year rented a moon walk for us to jump on. But that was presented after I have given what was asked. He needs to learn that the best gifts are ones asked fr not the ones he thinks will be awesome. My wife however would have loved hockey tickets or NFL tickets she follows sports like I do and has expressed to me a desire to go to games. If she had never expressed such desire I would never buy her tickets to a game for her birthday or Xmas.  

     

    Im reminded of the Simpsons episode where Homer buys a bowling ball for Marg she doesn't bowl and gets angry and yells at him. 

  • Let go about the gift. There are just things you do not bring up. I have accepted that sometimes my husband can completely block out what I am saying I want and buy something else. But it's not like this makes him a horrible guy. In fact he is a very wonderful husband and takes my feelings and wants into consideration over his usually. So I suck it up and deal.  And sometimes he will try and get me to do things that I don't want to at first because he knows in the end I will enjoy it because I have his company. 

    BUT the red flag that you seem to be missing is the fact that he said basically do this with me or spend your bday alone. Now that seems to be pretty inconsiderate to me. Talk about the real issue here...not the petty one.

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  • You are calling the gift a petty issue. The two are the same thing. He told her she can stay at home  while he goes and watches a game she has no interest in.  That's only after the fact he didn't score tickets to the damn game.in the first place she has every right to be angry about it.  You seem to miss the absolute issue here that his gifts are self serving, ignorant, selfish, unloving gifts. He has one motive and that is to get his way. He's not looking to peek her interest into liking hockey. There is a big difference to not getting a gift that you specifically asked for and getting a second rate replacement for the gift you actually asked for. That is forgivable. This is a personal "I don't care" gift. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise because clearly some folks are blind.  This whole issue is a red flag. 

     

    For the record guys don't take hints. My wife writes me a list of what she wants when her birthday rolls around. That way I don't get her a bunch of something she never asked for. Solves the problem of hinting. 

  • image mrsbryan1006:
    It has crossed my mind...I thought about taking him to the spa for an eyebrow waxing and a facial...becasue of course, it would be for "both of us"

     

    please don't do this. marriage isn't about one-upping or getting back at each other.

    i know its probably a joke, and I can laugh with the next person...... but seriously. Don't take this childish route. Learn how to talk to your husband. You'll need that skill.

  • image ROFL ATTACK:

    You seem to miss the absolute issue here that his gifts are self serving, ignorant, selfish, unloving gifts. He has one motive and that is to get his way. He's not looking to peek her interest into liking hockey. There is a big difference to not getting a gift that you specifically asked for and getting a second rate replacement for the gift you actually asked for. That is forgivable. This is a personal "I don't care" gift. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise because clearly some folks are blind.  This whole issue is a red flag. 

     

    YES.

    That's why the saying "it's the thought that counts" exists.  If the thought is clearly something along the lines of remembering something you liked and basing a gift on it, even if the item itself misses the mark, that thought is what matters.  When the thought is having not thought about you and what you'd want at all, however, then THAT is the thought that counts.

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  • image ROFL ATTACK:
     

    Im reminded of the Simpsons episode where Homer buys a bowling ball for Marg she doesn't bowl and gets angry and yells at him. 

    Yeah, I as thinking the same thing!

    If it were my husband, I'd tell him how I really felt about the hockey game. I don't think it's asking too much for him to actually consider your interests on your birthday.

    FWIW, I usually tell my husband what I want for my birthday, but I actually do like it when he surprises me, too. However, the surprise needs to be something that shows he actually knows me, and considered my feelings. Two birthdays ago, for example, he bought me several boxes of my favorite candy and hid them around the house so I'd find them while I was getting ready for work. Last year, he made me a scrapbook and bought me some jewelry (because he hadn't bought me jewelry in a while). None of that was on my list, but I loved all the gifts.  

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  • 1.  You do not need to be grateful that your husband remembered your birthday.  That's a requirement for being in a relationship.  You don't have to do a lot but you have to remember.  You don't get credit for remembering.  That's crap.

    2.  He was being a complete asshat on your actual birthday and then tried to get you something he wanted. Fail all around.

    Tell him your feelings are hurt.  And tell him that you'd prefer if he thought more about what YOU would actually want for your birthday.  Or that he'd just ask you and then believe what you say. 

    He's being an idiot and I'm annoyed for you.

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  • You don't like what you get for your b'day?

    Here's what I think you shujld do:

    About 6 weeks before your next birthday, say to your H, "I've got a fabulous idea: a wish list for my birthday. I'd really love it if you'd get me one of these items" and then hand him a list of several things you'd love to have.

    How can you go wrong?

    Have him do the same for his birthday. it's a win win deal.
  • image mrsbryan1006:
    It has crossed my mind...I thought about taking him to the spa for an eyebrow waxing and a facial...becasue of course, it would be for "both of us"

    ABSOLUTELY THIS. This is hilarious.

  • image Kimbus22:

    1.  You do not need to be grateful that your husband remembered your birthday.  That's a requirement for being in a relationship.  You don't have to do a lot but you have to remember.  You don't get credit for remembering.  That's crap.

    2.  He was being a complete asshat on your actual birthday and then tried to get you something he wanted. Fail all around.

    Tell him your feelings are hurt.  And tell him that you'd prefer if he thought more about what YOU would actually want for your birthday.  Or that he'd just ask you and then believe what you say. 

    He's being an idiot and I'm annoyed for you.

    I'm stealing "asshat." So good.

    And also, agreed that uh YES remembering your birthday doesn't get H a special award.

  • I agree with Kimbus. I would be very upset with my husband if he did this. I hope you can talk to him and explain that what he did was mean. 
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  • I think all husbands in the world are having same problem. Lol? See it is all about how he knows about your needs, choices and wishes/desires.  So according to that he will think on gifting you.
  • image susanmiller696:
    I think all husbands in the world are having same problem.

     

    Nope, not true at all.

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  • You could give him a DVD of Beaches for his birthday....then maybe he'd feel your pain.
  • Just tell him.  I'm sure if you got him something he could give a rats about he would let you know.  If you're not too into hockey, tell him.  I serioulsy don't think men understand the "hints" we try to give them.  Mine has actually told me so and that if there is something I want or don't want to tell him and don't try to beat around the bush with it.  They don't speak the same language a lot of the time.  I would have loved tickets to a game or something, but thats just me.  For his birthday I get to score too, if I get him tickets.  :)  That is awesome for me.  Since I have told my hubby what I do and do not like, we have been great when it comes to gift giving!!! 

    Girl, just tell him.  It won't hurt his feelings.  And the fact that ON your birthday, what a selfish guy...  Speak up!  Good luck...  B

  • I made a pinterest board for gifts I would like. I am sharing the link to the page with my husband and anyone else that I am close with and would like to look at it. No harm in sharing things you actually would want! :)
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  • I think everyone feels that way from time to time.  Just shrug it off, be thankful that he remembered it and that he cares enough to try to do something for you.  
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