BNOTB
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

New to BNOTB

Hi ladies! I have been on the nest for years but never posted on this particular board. I was a regular on my local board (Oklahoma) but recently moved from there to the Washington, D.C. area.

I am a not-so-newlywed (married 7 years next month) but decided to post here as I get the question, 'when are you all having kids?!' quite a bit.

A little history, Dh is in the military and this has allotted us quite a bit of traveling in the past 7 years (TX, Italy, OK and now to D.C. area. I am a PhD candidate (political science) and do a bit of teaching and consulting on the side. I recently (today actually) turned 29 and am yet on the fence as to when/if we will have children. We have discussed kids in the future (4-5 years) but no concrete plans. Coming from a large family (13 nieces and nephews) has definitely had an impact on our decision to wait on kids.

I look forward to posting here and getting to know you all! Big Smile

Vacation

Re: New to BNOTB

  • Hi! I am a PhD candidate as well (education) and am hoping to defend soon (fingers crossed) Right now I am teaching Kindergarten full time, and it has taken me about 5yrs to get to this point of almost being done with my degree. I'm 28 and I have to say that pursuing my PhD has definitely had an impact on us deciding to wait to have children. I wanted to finish my education first. We got married young (I was 23) and I I didnt want kids right away. I always said I'd start ttc when I turned 28, so we were thinking of starting this summer, but now I'm thinking I want to wait until next summer instead. I want to pay off some of my student loans so that I have a chance of being able to be a sahm or atleast only work part time. Also I would love to do some traveling with dh before there's a baby. We bought our home almost 3 yrs ago now knowing it would be the home our children grow up in and we've got the room and are all set up in those terms. Sometimes the house feels so big and empty and I feel like its time, then other days I enjoy the solitude and alone time with dh or we have these great parties and I love that freedom. My mom has been asking lately about when I plan on starting to ttc. I'm on the fence. One day I feel one way, the next day I feel the other.

    Welcome! And good luck with your dissertation (hopefully your journey hasn't been as hellish as mine!) 

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    ladybuginl0ve
  • Also, there are times I wish I never decided to pursue my education, just had babies right away, and stayed home with them from the beginning. With no student loans I probably wouldn't have to worry about working at all. Other days I love my job and am happy for my education and my career, and am happy for the fun dh and I have been able to have these past few years together. Do you ever feel this way?

    Oh, & Happy Birthday! 

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    ladybuginl0ve
  • Ladybuginl0ve- thanks for the well wishes and the welcome!

    I agree with you on the educational stint. These have been the most difficult years of my life. I must admit that I am currently in the midst of a crossroads, should I continue or take off a year. It has taken so much effort and sleepless nights, I sometimes wonder is it all worth it and even more daunting, should I continue on?

    Above this is my fear that I am in the midst of doing what I want career-wise and a PhD is not necessary...

    Vacation
  • Happy belated birthday!!
  • image prettygirl06:

    These have been the most difficult years of my life...

    It has taken so much effort and sleepless nights, I sometimes wonder is it all worth it and even more daunting, should I continue on?

    Above this is my fear that I am in the midst of doing what I want career-wise and a PhD is not necessary...

     

    THIS! this is me! Lol You have no idea how many times I cried and wished I hadn't had started. I just had my final draft sent to my committee members - today! - and hopefully I'll be able to defend soon. It's starting to feel worth it now for the first time in years. But would I have ever started if I knew then what I know now - no way. 

    You have to decide if you want to keep going. I struggled with the same decision so many times, and I always chose to keep going. But it's a personal decision. How it'll affect my career I don't know yet. With the job market as bleak as it is (atleast here in NY in the education field) who knows... Also, I LOVE teaching Kindergarten and there's no way Im giving that up! (atleast for now)

    good luck in whatever you choose to do! 

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    ladybuginl0ve
  • Welcome! I can relate, too. I don't have my PhD, but my husband does, and he was working on it for most of our marriage, and that was a big part of our deciding to wait. We have been married almost 8 years, and I never thought we would still be waiting at this point, but that's just how it goes, I guess.

     

    Whenever I am sad that I don't have kids yet, (and look around me at almost every other friend with their children) I just remind myself of all the fun things I get to do because I don't have to worry about getting a babysitter, etc :)

     

    Good luck with your dissertation and everything, I know it is not a fun or easy process!

  • image ladybuginl0ve:
    image prettygirl06:

    These have been the most difficult years of my life...

    It has taken so much effort and sleepless nights, I sometimes wonder is it all worth it and even more daunting, should I continue on?

    Above this is my fear that I am in the midst of doing what I want career-wise and a PhD is not necessary...

     

    THIS! this is me! Lol You have no idea how many times I cried and wished I hadn't had started. I just had my final draft sent to my committee members - today! - and hopefully I'll be able to defend soon. It's starting to feel worth it now for the first time in years. But would I have ever started if I knew then what I know now - no way. 

    You have to decide if you want to keep going. I struggled with the same decision so many times, and I always chose to keep going. But it's a personal decision. How it'll affect my career I don't know yet. With the job market as bleak as it is (atleast here in NY in the education field) who knows... Also, I LOVE teaching Kindergarten and there's no way Im giving that up! (atleast for now)

    good luck in whatever you choose to do! 

    LOL. Seems as though we ARE in the same boat! I am so happy to hear that you are nearing the finish line, I am sure it is more than a big relief. Good luck with your defense and nothing but the best of wishes in your final lap. :-)

    Vacation
  • image lynnirene:

    Welcome! I can relate, too. I don't have my PhD, but my husband does, and he was working on it for most of our marriage, and that was a big part of our deciding to wait. We have been married almost 8 years, and I never thought we would still be waiting at this point, but that's just how it goes, I guess.

     

    Whenever I am sad that I don't have kids yet, (and look around me at almost every other friend with their children) I just remind myself of all the fun things I get to do because I don't have to worry about getting a babysitter, etc :)

     

    Good luck with your dissertation and everything, I know it is not a fun or easy process!

    I agree, my sister called me today and told me they (her and her hubby) will begin trying for a kid this fall and I smiled. This makes me the LAST of the childless in my entire family, granted I am the youngest but we have been married (outside of my oldest brother who is 12 years older) the longest.

     This still doesn't push me in the 'ready' column as I LOVE our life and our lifestyle but it does make me ponder a bit more.

    Vacation
  • Hi! Congrats on all your schooling, that is great! Happy Belated Birthday too!

    My DH and I have been married 3 years (in May) but we have been together for 12.5 years. He is 29 and I'll be 29 in May as well.  This question has come up ALOT for us as well. We've talked about kids a number of times and we just arent sure if we want kids. My husband finally reached top pay at work which should help us pay off some debt and finally do the vacations we've been wanting to do.  I feel like we are finally in a position to starting pulling ourselves ahead and a baby would do the complete opposite. 

    imageimage
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