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mother in-law problems

ok so i have been with my husband for 8 1/2 years and married for over 2 years. His mother drives me nuts.I get so frustrated I can't stand it. We have a a 8month old and i work part-time on the days that i work she watches our little one for free in our home.This is where the problem starts. I think that she is spending to much time involved in our bisness. She doesnt know what NO means.If you say no to anything she just keeps asking like 5 times over and over again.She does a good job with the baby but she does so many things that drives me crazy and 99%of the time i try to let her know in a nice way many many times when she does things that bother me and its like she doesnt care or get it.I feel like im want to rip her head off and that is

She will do things like call and ask for my husband(her son)and ask him things because she knows he will give her whatever she wants night she called and said hey do you guys want so leftovers.I responded by being very nice and saying thank you but i am getting ready to cook up something. she kept insisting that we just get the food from her. i said no like 3 times so what does she do.she finally says ok just have him call me when he gets he does and she proceeds to ask him he do you guys what leftovers.....its like my answer doesnt mattter.I wish I could grow a pair of balls and stand up for my self and just say NOOOOOOO or whatever i need to say.I just dont want to be the *** daughter in-law but enough is enough.

His sisters are just as bad they take after her a little.They will find something out that is our business and his mother will find out the next day!!

 HELP ME!!!!!

Re: mother in-law problems

  • Find other child care. If you are having her in your life like that, inviting her into your home, of course someone like her will find a way to get involved in everything else. Also, don't answer the phone when she calls if you don't want to talk to her. Easy.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image mabenner1:
    Find other child care. If you are having her in your life like that, inviting her into your home, of course someone like her will find a way to get involved in everything else. Also, don't answer the phone when she calls if you don't want to talk to her. Easy.


    Nothing is ever "free".  Your "free" childcare comes with the cost of having a MIL all up in your business all the time.  You've given her a front row seat to your entire life.  If you don't like it, find new childcare. 

    Seriously, you can't have it both ways - a MIL who DONATES her time and energy to you whenever you need it but who treats you like an employer. 

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • This is why free childcare is almost never a good idea. The only time I have personally seen grandparent childcare work is when the sitter is getting paid something even if it is minimal. Other then that you have a DH problem. You need to talk to your husband and get on the same page, she can't do anything unless he says okay. That is the real problem. 
    image Nicholas loved for 28 weeks, 4/11/10
    Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
    Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
  • Thanks ladies..I know that i need to figure something else out with babysitting.she was the one that wanted to not get paid and we offer all the time she will not take it but in return she just says without much notice hey can you find another sitter like tomorrow i have to go to a dr apt with my daughter or something like that and she just expects us to be able to find a sitter just like does help to her these things from other women even though i know what i should do deep down.I just worry about everyone elses feelinggetting hurt when i should start standing up for myself and my family.

  • It sounds like it would be good to get some space, since it seems like mostly minor issues of her getting under your skin on a regular basis.  I agree with finding other childcare arrangements.  I would also plan weekly contacts with her and try to avoid her the rest of the time.  If she calls and wants to know if you want leftovers, just say, "thanks so much marge but I'm in the middle of cooking right now, we'll give you a call on Sunday as usual."  I wouldn't answer the phone if she keeps calling back repeatedly- let her leave a message, and if it's not an emergency, wait to call her back.

    I think if you get some time away from her, the little things won't seem like such a big deal and you can let them roll off your back. 

    BabyFetus Ticker; Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • OP - both my MIL and FIL pull this same bs with asking me repeatedly if my H & I want stuff and after I've said no repeatedly, they will go around me and ask H the same thing as if hearing no from me 10 times isn't enough. Believe me, I know how annoying this is because I deal with it all the time.

    What you need to do is have a conversation with your H. You need to tell him that you both need to be on the same page. Meaning - when your MIL asks YOU if you want leftovers 2,3,4 times and you've said no, your H also needs to say no when she then calls him asking him the same thing - or he needs to say to her 'let me check with my wife first and see if we need it' and then once he checks with you, tells her no. You guys need to be on the same page, otherwise she will keep doing that. I think if she hears the words 'I need to check with my wife first' enough times, it will eventually stop. Or maybe not. But ultimately, your H needs to also put his foot down with his mother. If she still doesn't get the hint, put it in the garbage.

    As far as the childcare - perhaps it would be a good idea to find someone else to watch your LO

  • Your problem is your H:

    She will do things like call and ask for my husband(her son)and ask him things because she knows he will give her whatever she wants basically

    If there is NO NEED for your husband to speak to his mother, he does not need to speak with her. Let the phone got to voicemail; she'll figure it out soon enough.

    They will find something out that is the business of you and your H?

    I will bet you that your husband is giving a gripload of private and confidential info to his sisters -- or he's telling his mother and she's relaying that info to them! How else are they finding out? You think maybe they have a crystal ball or they can read tea leaves?

    Here's the bottom line:

    He needs to cut this out posthaste or your marriage won't have a chance in hell.

    Demand that he cut it out now and if he won't do so, RETHINK him.

    He's not man enough to be a husband; he doesn't get the concept of bering a team with you and he sure doesn't get the concept of "what happens between me and my wife stays with me and my wife."

    Counseling would be a must --- it's probably also as such that she's gotten under his skin for many years --- he needs to learn how to stand up to her.  Demand he get counseling; he can't say no to her? that has to end. You don't need a candyapple for an H.

    If he won't go, bad news.

    This mess has to end and end now -- and for him to disclose personal and top secret information shows me what kind of respect he's got for you and your marriage. I wouldn't stand for it if I were you; this is also a character issue he's got.

  • I've got to be honest---I'm not seeing the problem here. She does a good job with your child, and does it for free in your home, and she offers you leftovers. Anyone who offers me good leftovers I am a big fan of!

    Seriously, she is too pushy and you and your H should be on the same page with what you are telling her. Leftovers, IMO, are no big deal, but there could be bigger issues as well and he needs to be on the same page as you about larger issues.

    How are his sisters finding out stuff that is your business? Are you or your H telling them? Then stop!


  • As PP  have said, maybe she's not the person to be looking after your kidlet anymore.  

    Also, your DH is probably over-sharing with his sisters - who feel the need to let their mother in on whatever is going on.

    Your DH should tell your MIL in no uncertain terms that you make decisions together, and if she wants to act like a child running between mommy and daddy until she gets the answer she's looking for then maybe you will start treating her like one.  When she gets 10 stars for good behaviour she can visit.

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