For better or for worse, right? Well, how do I know when I've had enough of the "worse" part and there hasn't been any "better?"
I have a story to tell, and those who can give me some solid advice, please read through...
I'll try to make it short. Basically it went like this...
Our wedding (6/16/12) sucked. The DJ messed up our songs, our photographer didn't take any photos we wanted, my MOH said a horrible and embarrassing speech that I told her not to say, our food was horrible, and the venue staff gave me attitude all day.
Our honeymoon was worse. Well, it had some pretty crappy parts. We went to St. Lucia, it rained and was cloudy the whole time minus one day. I got food poisoning, a bug infestation in our room, and were treated poorly my resort staff.
Two days after returning from our honeymoon, my husband comes home from work early with boxes full of his stuff (7/11/12)... He lost his job, the only thing keeping a roof over our head. This is where it gets worse. He's severely bipolar, and he spiraled from here on out, he's still spiraling.
The first two weeks after losing his job were fine, he seemed to be doing okay. We still had family in town from the wedding, we still had health insurance for 2 months, and we had 4 weeks severance and about 6 weeks vacation, so we were okay.
Then it started mudsliding, very slowly. I didn't recognize his depression at first because he was happy and talkative and wanted to go out and do things with me (casino, day drives, mini-golf)... But in his downtime at home he locked himself in his office and built a supercomputer.
Since that time in July and now (roughly 6 months) we have been through it all. I have been beside him every step of the way, doing the best I can do. I tried keeping us afloat on a salary that was 25% of what it used to be, I thought of day trips that were free and cheap, I tried getting people to come over so he wasn't alone... Not to mention all the other things I've been doing right along, laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, taking out the trash, making the bed, etc. I have talked to him about counseling and continuing seeing his shrink, even my parents offered to help with the paying of the visit and scripts, since his parents don't have any money to help us out. We have tried moving south for a new life, that didn't work (wasted the last of our wedding money and maxed out two credit cards). We came back to NY to start a new plan (we still had our apt for another month), so we decided Boston. Better salaries, better jobs. This was the end of November. He landed a job right off the bat, so we decided to try to make it work. With him working, and me not, I booked us a hotel room for during the week while he was working, and began the stressful apartment hunt.
What seemed like forever was only two weeks. We found a place mid-December and were in before Christmas... Our presentless, joyless, Christmas. My husband didn't do anything. My parents and myself did the brunt of the unpacking and packing and moving. We were broke so we couldn't hire movers, plus during the time of packing we had a lot of uncertainties. Back at our old place, we had a huge blowout fight. It was the worst. I tried talking to him about his behavior and he just got mad and blamed everyone else. His behavior now is the same it was then. Sleeps all day, sits on the couch and watched TV when he's not sleeping. I feel like a failure as a wife, my husband would much rather sleep in bed all day than to spend one waking moment with the woman he promised to take care of six months ago. He knows it hurts, because when we fight about this, I always end up leaving for a few days and going to my parents.
On New Year's Eve, he was to get up early with me to get the house ready for our guests that were arriving by about 4 pm. I was up at 9:30, and he said to wake him up around 10:30/11... Well, when it got to be 11:30 and I had completed most of the housework, I had enough. I told him how I felt again, that sleeping is more of a priority to him than me. Then it happened again, "Well if you don't like it, leave!" he says to me. So I did. Then the parents got involved and it became a family feud. His mother still wont talk to me.
How much longer do I have to put up with this? I am being treated poorly as a wife.
We keep being told we need counseling, or our marriage won't work... My question is, is counseling enough to fix this or is it beyond repair?