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rent. move. or suck it up?

My FH and I have been living with his family for the last two and a half years. There are five of us living in his parents' mobile home. Us, his parents, and his younger sister who is in college. We recently got engaged, after spending the last two years penny pinching to pay off his (completely ridiculous) purchase of a brand new, $20,000 car. Last month we FINALLY managed to drain our entire savings and pay it off. (It's nice being rid of a $400/month car payment when you only make about $10/hour).

Now, we're back to scrimping and saving to try to come up with a down payment for a home (renting in our area is almost prohibitive, since, we can get a one bedroom apartment here for the price of a mortgage on a 4-bedroom house - with nothing included.)

I have a dead-end retail job that I loathe, but job security there, in that I've been there for three years and have been a reliable employee. I don't plan on being there forever, but I plan on finding something else before I leave.

Between the stress of my terrible job, the unbearable excitement of being nearly free, and the claustrophobia of living with five other people (especially when our bedroom - the only source of privacy - is like, 6X10. No exaggeration.), I'm beginning to wonder if we should just move now and rent. (Though, it would be sooooo hard to save up. In the last month, we've already managed to get $7k saved up.) Or should I suck it up and enjoy the savings of living with the inlaws when we're nearly half-way to down-payment-land.

Re: rent. move. or suck it up?

  • Good God. I just sneezed, and my FMIL said "bless you" from the other side of the house. -facepalm- What is privacy?
  • Move, a house is not just the monthly payment. Save for 1-2 months and then get an apartment. 
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  • My FH and I have been living with his family for the last two and a half years. There are five of us living in his parents' mobile home. Us, his parents, and his younger sister who is in college. We recently got engaged, after spending the last two years penny pinching to pay off his (completely ridiculous) purchase of a brand new, $20,000 car.

    You and he paid off your FFIL's car? Why???

    I can't tell you how bad this is.

    I also wonder why he is living beyond his means and why the heck you and your FI decided it was okay to help pay off his car.

    I also wonder if he has a gambling problem, a spending problem, some kind of addiction or all three. Something isn't right here and nobody with any kind of common sense buys a car that is beyond their means of living.

    Why didn't you refuse to help pay it off? Let his ass get it reposessed and let him learn his lesson!

    Furthermore, why did he even have the unmitigated gall to burden the 2 of you with his damn car???

    As I said, I can't tell you how bad this kind of thing is. You and he paying off the car, that is. And I can't tell you how bad it is that the 2 of you can't stand up to the person and refuse to do something you cannot afford!

    Last month we FINALLY managed to drain our entire savings and pay it off. (It's nice being rid of a $400/month car payment when you only make about $10/hour).

    I am hoping this is MUD.:(

    Now, we're back to scrimping and saving to try to come up with a down payment for a home (renting in our area is almost prohibitive, since, we can get a one bedroom apartment here for the price of a mortgage on a 4-bedroom house - with nothing included.)


    Why do you need a home right now?

    I have a dead-end retail job that I loathe, but job security there, in that I've been there for three years and have been a reliable employee. I don't plan on being there forever, but I plan on finding something else before I leave.

    Between the stress of my terrible job, the unbearable excitement of being nearly free, and the claustrophobia of living with five other people (especially when our bedroom - the only source of privacy - is like, 6X10. No exaggeration.), I'm beginning to wonder if we should just move now and rent. (Though, it would be sooooo hard to save up. In the last month, we've already managed to get $7k saved up.) Or should I suck it up and enjoy the savings of living with the inlaws when we're nearly half-way to down-payment-land.

    First off, you and your FI never should have moved in with them. And you never should have contributed one thin dime towards an expensive car.

    You and your FI need counseling. YOu need to learn how to stick up for yourselves as adults and learn how to say NO to people like your in laws. Otherwise you and he will be held by the short and curlies for the rest of your days while you happily permit everybody and their Uncle Clem to suck you dry for your hard earned money.

    Until the 2 of you can stand on your feet like full grown adults, don't get married.

    I think it would also be best to limit contact with these people.
  • imageTarponMonoxide:

    My FH and I have been living with his family for the last two and a half years. There are five of us living in his parents' mobile home. Us, his parents, and his younger sister who is in college. We recently got engaged, after spending the last two years penny pinching to pay off his (completely ridiculous) purchase of a brand new, $20,000 car.

    You and he paid off your FFIL's car? Why???


    Wait, whose car did you pay off? I thought it was your FH's, not your FFIL's.   

    If I'm right and it was your FH's, you have some thinking to do. Because if FH is the kind of guy who will spend 20,000 he doesn't have on a new car while living in a mobile home with his family, you will always have money problems as long as you are married to him.

     In the meantime, I would move out ASAP. Whatever the consequences, it's always better to learn to stand on your own two feet.  

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  • imageGreco1014:
    imageTarponMonoxide:

    My FH and I have been living with his family for the last two and a half years. There are five of us living in his parents' mobile home. Us, his parents, and his younger sister who is in college. We recently got engaged, after spending the last two years penny pinching to pay off his (completely ridiculous) purchase of a brand new, $20,000 car.

    You and he paid off your FFIL's car? Why???


    Wait, whose car did you pay off? I thought it was your FH's, not your FFIL's.   

    If I'm right and it was your FH's, you have some thinking to do. Because if FH is the kind of guy who will spend 20,000 he doesn't have on a new car while living in a mobile home with his family, you will always have money problems as long as you are married to him.

     In the meantime, I would move out ASAP. Whatever the consequences, it's always better to learn to stand on your own two feet.  

    I took it as it was her FH's car, not her FFIL's car.  But, I definitely do agree with the bolded.

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  • why on earth are you even wondering?!?!?!?!? i also wonder why you've just rrecently become engaged but have both been paying off his car-as in BOTH of you? how old are you both? what are your plans for further education if you dont have college degrees? what does your FI do?
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  • Move.  Rent.  Do it.

    People get very caught up in the idea of buying a house and think that renting is throwing your money away.  Renting is actually a smart choice for people in certain financial situations.  When you own, you are responsible for everything.  Need a new roof?  Better find $10,000.  Boiler breaks?  Take the day off and get someone over there.  However, when you rent, that onus is on someone else.  You just live there.  No, you aren't building up equity, but you are learning to pay bills, save money, and be on your own.  Owning a house is something you earn and should work towards by being adult in all areas of your life.

    I would have never entertained the idea of living with my husband's parents or my own... ever.  We'd live in a studio and be selling a $20,000 car long before that happened.  My privacy and independence are priceless.

  • It sounds like renting is your best option. IF you can afford it.

    Your monthly rental payment should be no more than 25-28% of your take home (after tax) pay.

    What does your future DH do for work? Are you looking for a different position somewhere also to boost your pay?

    Consider finding and taking the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class in your community. It costs $100, but that is a lifetime membership to the program, which means you can retake it in the future at no cost. It will help you budget, save, learn about debt, and build an emergency fund.

    As PPs said, I would have a serious discussion with your guy and see where he is mentally on this saving versus spending issue. Financial trouble is the big issue people fight about and get divorced over (other than infidelity and abuse).

  • How in the world have you taken it for 2+ years?

    I would do some serious reevaluation of your location.  It is time to find a place with a lower cost of living.

    Is your job with a national company?  Can you transfer to another branch/store?  What about your FI?  Where might you guys want to live?  Can you find jobs there?

    If you have been able to show up for a job you hate every day for years, you have a good strong work ethic.  I bet you will have excellent letters of recommendation and will be able to find another job.  I would also start thinking about what you DO want to do for the rest of your life.  What is the next step for you and your life? 

  • Wow. How did you live like this for two and half years? And what sense does it make to pay for a $20,000 for a car when you are living with someone else?

    Move out and don't get married until you two sit down with a professional to discuss and learn about making smart financial decisions. Good luck. 

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    TTC since September 2012
  • Yes, move out as soon as you can, and also rethink hitching yourself for the rest of your life to someone who would buy a $20,000 car when he makes so little money that he has to live with his parents.
  •  

    There is more then one issue here.

    1. Has your fiance gotten his a$$ in gear when it comes down to NOT spending ridiculous amounts of cash that he clearly cannot spend. A person with money issues can change but it takes effort on their part. If he hasn't then do not marry him.

    2. Lets look on the positive side and say he has changed his ways...get outta there. 

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  • Whoa. There is no way I'd pay $20,000 for a car, and I make more than $10 per hour. I'm still driving my '96 Nissan Maxima that I bought five years ago for six grand. You need to seriously reconsider whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who has such poor money management skills. Money is one of the top three things that break up marriages.
  • Wait...you guys drained your savings paying off his car.....AND still managed to save up $7000.00 in the last month???????  All while making $10 an hour?

    Sweetie you are light-years ahead of me financially, If you can save that much money than I would say it is time to MOVE.

  • I would say move out. Privacy is important. Sometimes living with so many people can cause unnecessary fighting over nothing. I would talk to your FH about saving on his end as well. Money trouble causes many disputes and you want to be on the same page if you are going to spent forever together. Rent an apartment, save money first, just so you have a buffer for the just in case... but definitely move out.
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  • Sorry it took so long to respond. Fi is much more financially responsible than me, i'm sorry if i didn't make that clear. He bought the car (my fiance, not ffil) before we started dating, and at the time he had no foreseeable plans to move. He is 24, and i am 22. He is a low level supervisor for an Owens Corning plant with plans to move up, whereas I am a lowly cake decorator (who hates iPad keyboards) at walmart making barely above minimum wage.

     

    We live in New Hampshire, so, realistically we do already live in area with the lowest cost of living (minus sky-high property taxes). And his job doesnt leave much room for transfers. I'm still "figuring out what i want to be when i grow up" and my job pays what little bills we have. We have a small income, but few bills. I have two student loans that are a combined $7ish thousand. And he has one thats only about $1500 that he refuses to pay off quite yet in order to keep a line of credit open, other than his rarely used credit card.

    My credit is virtually nonexistent because of a fear of what would happen if my repressed love of shopping combined with a credit card, but his is excellent.

     

    I honestly don't know how I've made it. I'm so appreciative of what they've done for us. But my love life with the fi is declining right off a cliff. Maybe it is time. I guess a house really isnt key, but like i said, it would cost us more for a one bedroom apartment than a four bedroom house, and New Hampshire isn't well known for its apartment market.

    But thank you all for your help. It is time to move.

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