Military Nesties
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Spouse Support

Hi :) My name is Marcella. My husband is in the Air Force. He is deploying soon for a short deployment. This is my first deployment and I am in extreme need for support, advice, understanding... 

 

**Edited by a moderator for PERSEC and OPSEC reasons*** 

Marcella Paddock

Re: Spouse Support

  • Hi and welcome.  The first thing I really need you to do is change your screen name so that it isn't your full name.  Please read up on PERSEC and OPSEC. There is an FAQ button in my siggy that will give you that info along with a ton of other information. There are so many creepers who lurk on boards like these.  Giving out little bits of information here and there gives them pieces of a puzzle you really don't want them to solve.  I can not tell you how many times I've seen wives hurt because of information they put out on the internet.  

    As for advice, support and understanding, we are here for you.  This board is a bit slow these days, but there are still people around.   After you get a new SN, please feel free to ask any questions you may have and vent as you please.  

    The best thing you can do is stay busy.  I've been through my husband being deployed 8 times.  Every day has something going on.  I hit the gym hard.  I started CrossFit during his last deployment and it was a life saver for me.  I was able to sleep at night.  I've never been to bed before 2am during deployments.  I was asleep by 10pm every night thanks to CF kicking my butt.  I also plan one small thing every week to look forward to and one large thing a month.  That helps me break the time up and it goes by so much faster. Weekly treats may be dinner with friends, getting my toes done or a movie.  Monthly events may be a concert, a short road trip, camping, the fair or something similar.   

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  • You're base's Airmen & Family Readiness Center should be able to provide you with a lot of support.  Also, I don't know if you're husband is enlisted or officer, but all AF Bases (according to the AF spouses' booklet) should have both an Enlisted Spouses' Club and an Officers' Spouses' Club.  Also, a lot of squadrons have their own spouses' club which will be for ALL spouses in the squadron whether they are enlisted or officer.  I would check with your husband's squadron to see what they may have available in terms of spouses' socials as well as often times the mobility office in a squadron will help out in times of need while your husband is deployed.  I know that the mobility office at my husband's current squadron sends men out to shovel the drive ways for the wives who's husband's are deployed during the winter.

    Also one of my own pieces of advice, always count up the number of days he is gone.  Never count down the days until he gets home.  The AF is notorious for changing the return date at last minute.  There is nothing worse than reaching 0 and discovering that your husband is going to be gone for another 90 days.  Also, by counting up, it's a good reminder to yourself that you can make it.  I always tell myself, "I've made it 97 days without him, I can make it the rest of the way!"

    I hope this helps! 

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  • Hey Marcella,

     My husband and I are both in the Air Force and I am currently deployed. My husband was deployed for 6 months last year and then after he was back for 6 months I got deployed. :( It's really hard at first and it takes time to get used to. It takes a lot of trust and communication. My advice to you, is to be patient with him, becuase its harder for us people over seas then it is for the people back home. I have been in both positions, when my husband was overseas and when I was home, and when he is home and I am overseas, it is more frustrating for us overseas. I say this becuase we are limited out here. We can't get drunk, or go out to parties, we can't have any sexual relations, you get kicked out of usaf if you have sexual relations while deployed, so as you can kind of see the only thing you have to worry while he is gone is his saftey. But being in the Air Force, we don't get deployed to really dangerous locations and we have lots of training on what to do in rare cases that 'suprisies' happen. So he will be safe. Now stand in his feet for a second. He is going to be working 12 hour shifts 6 days a week most likely, and during those 12 hours it gets boring. So what do we do? We think. He is constantly going to be thinking about you and naturally we worry that the worst will happen. If your partying, how much you drank, if you are around people who will protect you, if some guy tried to kiss you, things like that. So he is going to be dealing with long work hours, and praying you will be faithful. You guys will aruge, but you have to be understanding of him and try to put yourself in his shoes. Also, things will get routine. You will run out of things to talk about and stuff like that so do little things to spice it up. Write him an actuall letter, let him know that your always thinking about him to. My husband and I come up with games, like mad libs or things we can do through email. My husband and I actaully really enjoy being deployed becuase it strenghten's your marriage in a way that couples who are not in the military don't understand..

    You have to be able to show you're love in a way that you wouldnt when you are in the same room. Without touching, without kissing. You have to show him with words and actions. And when he gets home, you will appreciate the time you have together in a way that you never thought possible. Your communication will get better and therefore your relationship will as well.

    Just remember, trust is the biggest hurdles with deployments with us military couples. If something happens, tell him. Don't not tell him becuase you are worried he is already stressed out. Tell him before he finds out on his own. Good luck, but you don't need it. Love can withstand anything.

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