Family Matters
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Intro + brother issues

I wanted to go ahead and say hello! After lurking and posting some on the GP board, figured I would like to start posting on more boards as well. DH and I married about 4 months ago, and right now we're visiting my hometown in TX, but about to head back to FL.

I'm having an issue with my brother, and I'm not sure what I should do. He's a selfish person, has thought everything should just be given to him or he's entitled to such and such. Take an example that just happened. After getting married H and I packed up and went to FL. Knowing we would come back (we are back now) to gather the rest of my things, I went ahead and left my car here as well. Two months ago while I was in FL, my brother asked if he could borrow my car since it would save him gas money. I told him yes, only until I come back to bring it back with me to FL. Shortly after he borrowed it, I receive a call from my mother asking if i could mail them the title to MY vehicle because my brother was about to sell it without my permission, because something was not working on it. This furiated my H and upset me, so I called my brother to figure out what the fluck was going on. He told me he managed to fix it while he was at work, and won't be selling it. I told him to not sell it without my permission and it ran fine before I left, and I'm still planning to bring it back to FL when I get back. A few weeks ago we came back, and when I spoke to him I asked if he has found a new vehicle so I could pick mine up. He said he thought my H was buying me a new vehicle and he could have mine. Uhm, what?! No one ever gave him this idea, and I told him numerous times that it will be coming back with me. Well, once he got a new vehicle some days ago, I picked mine up. I cannot believe what I saw. It was filthy inside, the gas light was on, and it runs horribly! I kindly let him borrow it so he could save money and he doesn't even manage to take care of it! I've spoken with my family about his actions lately, and they all have a story to share about his selfish attitude. In fact, my mother said they don't have much of a relationship anymore, and what's left is only so she can have a relationship with her new grandaughter (brothers daughter). DH and I are about to leave for FL again, and I'm thinking I don't want to speak to my brother for some time. He knows I'm not happy with him for what he's left me with, and there's a few other little issues that I have not mentioned that are affecting this decision as well. He's left me with no apologies or respect.

Re: Intro + brother issues

  • You brother is clearly showing you who he is and how he views the world.  Never trust him again, and chalk this up to a learning experience.

    It sucks to have close family members like this, so you have my sympathies. 

  • image stw_77:

    You brother is clearly showing you who he is and how he views the world.  Never trust him again, and chalk this up to a learning experience.

    It sucks to have close family members like this, so you have my sympathies. 

    I do agree with you, and there's that word trust. No one can seem to trust him anymore or depend on him for anything. It's quite sad but it is what it is. Thank you!

  • I understand, but your brother is just a jerky guy who doesn't respect others.  Maybe demand that he pay for your car to be cleaned and never loan or give him anything again. However, I doubt he would pay for the car cleaning. 
  • image stw_77:
    I understand, but your brother is just a jerky guy who doesn't respect others.  Maybe demand that he pay for your car to be cleaned and never loan or give him anything again. However, I doubt he would pay for the car cleaning. 

    You are right on! He wouldn't give me money, and my H told me forget it, he'll never pay you back for anything and that I should never loan him anything again. We ended up cleaning it ourselves so we wouldn't spend our own money, even though we didn't have a choice but to put gas in it once we picked it up so we could just make it to the house a few miles away.

  • I learned this same hard lesson with my brother many years ago (not a car but money). My rule of thumb now is to not lend anything to family. If someone asks for help or money I assume I will not get it back/get repayed and make decisions on if I will help based on that. Sounds like your brother assumes "lend" is the same as "give" so treats things as such....it might be time that you assume the same when dealing with him, anything you 'lend him' is giving him, and decide if you still want to.

    (Then its just a bonus if you actually get the item or money back!)

  • image toothpastechica:

    I learned this same hard lesson with my brother many years ago (not a car but money). My rule of thumb now is to not lend anything to family. If someone asks for help or money I assume I will not get it back/get repayed and make decisions on if I will help based on that. Sounds like your brother assumes "lend" is the same as "give" so treats things as such....it might be time that you assume the same when dealing with him, anything you 'lend him' is giving him, and decide if you still want to.

    (Then its just a bonus if you actually get the item or money back!)

    You have a great point! And you know what, Sadly, my H is going through the same thing with his family as well. I see it's a common thing for family to do this. That's a shame.

  • Your brother sounds like a rather peculiar chap.

    And not only is he peculiar, he either has a hearing problem or he's got no ability to communicate --- the car has a malfunction but he's selling it? Who sells a car with a problem?

    Yeah, I can see it now: "The headlights do not work so just drive it during the day." Yeah, a malfunctioning part on a car is going to be a hella big selling point.

    Learn your lesson the hard way; let nobody borrow your car ever again and that includes your H. I'm kind of provincial about my car and my very personal items. Nobody borrows them and everybody is fine with that./
  • image TarponMonoxide:
    Your brother sounds like a rather peculiar chap.

    And not only is he peculiar, he either has a hearing problem or he's got no ability to communicate --- the car has a malfunction but he's selling it? Who sells a car with a problem?

    Yeah, I can see it now: "The headlights do not work so just drive it during the day." Yeah, a malfunctioning part on a car is going to be a hella big selling point.

    Learn your lesson the hard way; let nobody borrow your car ever again and that includes your H. I'm kind of provincial about my car and my very personal items. Nobody borrows them and everybody is fine with that./

    haha, he actually reminds me of those people that make it sound good when they're trying to sell it, then when the potential buyer comes to look at it, it won't start. He's an idiot. And he thinks he's a handyman with cars, when reality is he's terrible with them! Whatever he tried to fix it just messed it up even worse, and now it barely runs. Believe me, I learned my lesson. You have a good point, too.. if anything I should have known better and been more protective of my car.

  • it stinks that he gave your car back to you that way BUT did the alarm bells not go off when he was trying to sell it without your permission?

    so now you know. i'd keep it at friendly chit chat only with him from now on-if that even.

    Friday, December 28 2012. The day I had emergency appendix surgery in Mexico and quit smoking. Proof that everything has a good side!! DH and I are happily child-free!! No due date or toddler tickers here!! my read shelf:
    Alison's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf) 
  • He needs to reimburse you for a real mechanic's repairs. And he owes you a big apology and he needs to never ask you again to borrow anything you own.
  • Omg do we have the same brother? Since my brother and I fall out every year I think i could advise you that not talking to him for a while might be good for the both of you. My brother has done worst things to me like not showing up at my wedding this year because we had a argument the week before, and also keeping my niece from me that just turned 2, ive missed her fisrt words and her teeth coming in and everything. He has a 7 year old daughter that he doesnt see that much that is my heart , I also missed the important stuff like her first words because of my stupid brother.

    I wouldnt loose any sleep over it , you have your own family to worry about now!!!Smile

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