Sex & Romance
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No sex drive and dry please help

About a year ago I had an abnormal Pap. I did not know much about HPV before that, and wish that I had. Apparently I either had it before I got the shots and it just didn't show up until now, or got a kind that the shots didn't protect me from. Either way I was told I had a mild displasia and that the best thing would be to freeze the cells. A quick treatment and I should have no further problems. I asked about sex and getting pregnant after having it done and she said it was no problem. It would not prevent me from getting pregnant or have problems with sex. Although I was not supposed to have sex for four weeks afterwards to not irritate the area.

 At first I noticed no difference. After the four weeks my husband and I went back to sex as normal. We both had high sex drives and sex several times a week and more on weekends was usual. However I noticed that when he went in deeper it hurt. A couple times so bad we had to instantly stop and I didn't want to move. It felt like someone had punched me in the gut from the inside out. I think that is what started to effect my sex drive. I was scared to have sex and experience that pain again. I have since just stopped doing certain things and we don't get creative anymore. I won't let him go in deep at all either.

Now I don't physically want sex as much, and I find it hard to get lubricated. A problem I have never had. Simply touching me and talking to me could get me thoroughly wet. We have used a lubricant that came in a box of condoms and at first I didn't think much of it. But lately it has been getting steadily worse. I can't seem to naturally lubricate at all. Once a little lubricant is used I am fine, but  I can't seem to get started without it. I want to, but when he touches me nothing happens, and I am so dry it kind of hurts and then I really lose all desire to have sex leaving my husband in a bad situation.

I talked to the Dr. but again she told me it wasn't the HPV treatment. I am not so sure. When he has gone in deep it only seems to hurt if he hits a certain spot, and that is the same spot it felt like I had been punched when I initially got the treatment. Like cramping during your period. 

I have tried to do research online and have found no situations like mine. Everyone seems fine after a few weeks from the treatment. I am not sure if it is something to do with that, or at this point if it is mental. Whatever it is I want it gone. I want my awesome sex life back and I don't know what to do. It is starting to effect my marriage too and by most standards we should still be in the 'honeymoon stage' Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Re: No sex drive and dry please help

  • Find yourself another gyn -- and make sure it's a gyn who is a great deal more sympathetic and empathetic towards you.

    SOunds to me like the pain is now putting a damper on your sex life.  Have you guys tried positions where penetration isn't deep -- try spooning.

    Has he tried manually stimulating you/going down on you until you orgasm? Try it -- you should have sufficient wetness after that -- then have intercourse. 

    I also suggest that you rediscover masturbation.  Try new touches and concentrate on what feels good; another good way to get you to lubricate up.

    if none of these suggestions work -- or you have used the above suggestions and nothing --- maybe another factor is invlolved -- maybe it is psychological; maybe it's hormonal.  At any rate, you need to get yourself another gyn and get a more comprehensive solution to your problem.

    Are you taking oral BCPs? Perhaps just by coincidence your no sex drive problem is coinciding with that side effect from your BCP -- try switching BCPs or using one that involves no hormones (diaphragm and/or condom, female condom, NFP)

    Other meds can also put a damper on yoru sex drive; if you've got other meds to take, see what's what -- get your doc to change meds or put you on something similar that doesn't kill your libido.

    Work ont his together; that's also important. GL.
  • I very recently had the same problem. The only difference is that eventually I started bleeding. I had let the pain and complication with being dry go on for way to long (no insurance). I ended up having an infection in my cervix. When I had past pap smears the doctor had never seen anything. I seen another doctor and she said that it might be the infection. Sure enough it was. She gave me some meds and by the end of the week sex was the way it was suppose to be. Haven't had any problems since. Not sure if you could ask you're doc if this could be the case for you, but worth a shot. I also looked things up online but found nothing. I would definitely go to another doctor.
  • I had a very similar situation (without the HPV part of it). We used to have an amazing sex life. Then, a couple years ago, it started hurting really bad?like couldn?t even put a tampon in. It was so bad we would only have sex once or twice every month, if that (as newlyweds). After conducting research myself, I saw a specialist about it and the way he described it is there must have been one time, something physically painful happened. Mentally, I was always scared and tense, in fear of it hurting like that, causing a self-fulfilling prophecy. I wouldn?t be able to get wet at all, and I would be in such extreme pain that I would cry.

    After a course of medication & relaxation techniques, there was still no improvement. I saw a special on MTV about painful sex and they talked about ?dilators.? Basically, I had to train my body to not tense up when foreplay starts. You start with something as small as a q-tip and work your way up until the desired size. The kits can be found here:

    That helped with the pain, but the issue of lubrication was still there. This might sound very funny, but I ?cured? that with Fifty Shades of Grey.

    I know how frustrating it can be, especially if it causes a significant change in your routine. Just know you aren?t the only one facing these problems and there is help out there. Not all gynecologists believe in or agree with diagnosis such as Vaginismus (what I had). Actually, my initial GYN said ?Just have a glass of wine beforehand to relax you.? It wasn?t until I started doing my own research and reading message boards that I discovered what I had and sought out the specialist myself. I commend you on not being so embarrassed about it (like I was for years before I sought help).

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