My best friend of over 10 years recently told me she was diagnosed with this, which has prevented her and her husband of about 14 mo. from consummating the marriage or ever being intimate at all before. She is a virgin and terrified of the consequences of sex - the initial pain, what if she hates it, the fear of becoming pregnant right away. We're both nearly 30, and her hubby just had his 30th.
Complicating things, I am concerned for her because she also revealed she is not sexually attracted to her husband. She does love him, but doesn't seem interested in sex with him at all; they definitely don't see eye to eye on what they like to do to get in the mood together - example, he likes S &M and toys, she hates all of that. She is talking annulment if they cannot come to terms soon. I think that is jumping the gun... counseling seems like a critical need for them both if this is going to work, though.
I have tried to reassure her and suggested things that might help ease the fears and tensions, but it is difficult for me to relate to something I have never experienced personally, especially because my fiance and I are in such a different place in our lives - we love each other without question, are very attracted to one another in every possible way, and look forward to starting a family shortly after we are married. How can I help her even when I have not been there myself?