Trouble in Paradise
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Confused and torn...

Ok.. So here's the short and simple version of the basic events of the past 2 weeks: My best friend who I used to live with has completely betrayed me, my boyfriend only half believes anything coming out of my mouth and I'm in Hawaii, which in itself isn't bad. I just feel completely alone and away from everyone. Kinda like a real live version of Gilligan's Island.

Here's the long version of what happened: My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for the past 7ish months. The first few months of this was just a "fling thing" until just recently we decided to become official and move in together. A few months ago, I decided to go have some drinks with a fellow co-worker. This said co-worker decided to spread a vicious rumor, why? I still have no idea.. He told everyone that I slept with him, which I did not. I honestly thought about it, but changed my mind and decided that I wanted to just be with my "fling thing" guy. Still with me? Ok. Well, I told my supposed best friend everything. About how I went out drinking with him, how I thought about sleeping with him, but didn't.  She then shows all these text messages to my now boyfriend. And now he doesn't know what to believe or who to believe. She even told him that I slept with him! *sigh* So now, I have no best friend, a boyfriend that doesn't believe me and me not knowing who I am or where all me friends have gone...  The more I try and tell him I didn't do it, the worse it gets. We are really trying to get through this. We still want to be together , but it's just super hard. And I don't for the life of me understand how my best friend turned on me like that. Can't two people have their love and happiness without someone else ruining it? Is someone that horribly miserable that they need to retreat back to high school and do some high school dirty drama? I would never treat anybody like that. Thoughts on how to make things better in our house? Thoughts on how to make things better and make me feel not so depressed in the morning?  Thanks in advance  :)

Re: Confused and torn...

  • Well, if you really didn't sleep with this guy, then that sucks. But when is this guy saying the two of you slept toegther? After you had become "serious" with "fling guy" or before? If it was prior, then why does "fling guy" care? Why would he think he has the right to care? Perhaps he's mad because he felt like you two were really serious seeing as you moved in together after only a short while.

     Whatever the case, just be honest with hih, whether you did it or not. And he will either believe you or not.

    GL.

  • IT sucks if there's a rumor going around that's not true. However, it sucks even more that your BF doesn't have your back. A similar rumor got started about me by my ex-bff's boyfriend and told to my then-FI. He laughed and said "You're so full of sh!t" and never believed it. THat's how someone who really loves you and trusts you behaves. Honestly, it's only been 7 months. Cut your losses now and fnd a new man.

    As for the friend, my guess is she's either getting back at your for something, or she wants you man. Sorry the friendship is over, but leave her in the dust and find new friends.

    Let this be a learning experience for you on the fact that you're a grown adult. If you don't like how someone is treating you, pack up and move on. If you want respect, demand it from those you srround yourself with. Best of luck!

    Break cycle BFP on 11/6/12 after 17 cycles and a failed IUI - TTC/BFP details in bio
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  • You need a new friend and to heck with the boyfriend if he does not believe you.

    As for the coirker: this is bad and this can get sticky: there are companies that are very funny about sexual harassment --- suppose this guy tells people at work?

    I don't know what it's like at work between you and him but you may have to wind up looking for and getting a job.

    And if you were even remotely thinking about another man in a sexual way that wasn't a fantasy, then perhaps this boyfriend isn't for you at all.

    Live and learn. Personally, I'd have told the friend nothing; "loose lips sink ships."  In the future, say nothing to nobody.
  • This seems like a whole lot of drama for just being w/ a guy for 7 months.
  • image MiniMugLinton:

    Well, if you really didn't sleep with this guy, then that sucks. But when is this guy saying the two of you slept toegther? After you had become "serious" with "fling guy" or before? If it was prior, then why does "fling guy" care? Why would he think he has the right to care? Perhaps he's mad because he felt like you two were really serious seeing as you moved in together after only a short while.

     Whatever the case, just be honest with hih, whether you did it or not. And he will either believe you or not.

    GL.

     

    Ditto. 

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  • image doglove:
    This seems like a whole lot of drama for just being w/ a guy for 7 months.

     

    Yes

     

    I'm unclear whether you and fling guy had an agreement to be exclusive when you considered sleeping with this coworker.  You were betrayed by your friend and that hurts; you're having issues with your bf and that hurts.  I think you need to take a long look at this and figure out how you can reduce the drama in your life going forward.  Can you honestly say this best friend never showed any signs of being catty, dramatic or a backstabber?  Maybe not towards you, but towards anyone else?  If you were seeing someone you should not have gone out for drinks alone with someone you are clearly attracted to.  The first couple months of a relationship are supposed to be the really giddy infatuation stage.  If you guys are having this many problems so early I think to cringe how many more problems you'll have and how much more they'll hurt as you get more invested in one another.

    image "...Saving just one pet won't change the world...but, surely, the world will change for that one pet..."
  • I agree with doglove.  I'm side-eying that it took you months of dating this guy to decide you even wanted it to be more than a fling, to the point where you were considering sleeping with someone else, and then immediately upon deciding that moving in together.  I don't think you're that into him, and I'm weirded out by how dramatic and crazy everyone around you seems to be.  Unless... how old are all of you?
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  • IMO.. This sounds like MUD :-) A bit much to lay out there for a first post then disappear...

    And like PP said, a lot of drama around one person.

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  • You're not telling us something.  If everyone thinks you slept with this person even if he spread the rumor, I feel as though you have a habit of sleeping with a lot of people.  If your best friend thinks you slept with him then I'm more forced to believe that you're not telling us everything.  Cruel, probably, but the truth hurts.  You may not have slept with him this time around, but something is not adding up with this story.
  • image doglove:
    This seems like a whole lot of drama for just being w/ a guy for 7 months.

     This is right! Also, if there is issues with trust at this point (from either person's perspective) there is a likely chance there will always be conflicts, trust issues, etc.

     

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