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Husband lied to me and now I feel like I can't trust him.

My husband decided he was going to "rat the streets". His exact words were "I"m gonna go bring this guy his shoes and hang out for a little bit. I will only be 30 mins." He knew I had night class so I was supposed to be out for hours. Well my babysitter fell through so I had to stay home. After about an hr, I just happened to try and get on fb and found a message from him to some girl saying "on my way" that was sent 45 mins before. I know he isn't cheating but y would he lie. So I txt him "Where r u".  He replied "Walmart". I said "What r u doing at Walmart" He replied "Drinks" and asked me y I wasnt in school. I explained about the babysitter. Then I asked him y did he lie to me about where he was going and how long he was going to take. He replied "thought u would be in school" Then I asked him about the girl on fb and he said that was who he took to walmart and her mother too. I feel betrayed. Doesnt matter what he was doing. He lied to me. His explanation is that he didnt want to tell me cuz he wasnt sure how i would react. He basically is turning it on me and saying he lied to me because of how I act and treat him. I dont know how to forgive him and how he could blame him lying on me.

Re: Husband lied to me and now I feel like I can't trust him.

  • Wow. Extremely sketchy. It's a classic red flag move to make it seem like you are the crazy one. I am not sure if you guys have talked already or when this happened but I strongly suggest having one of those lengthy sit down conversations. The only way to ever move past it is to be 100 percent open and honest.
  • I would feel betrayed too. I mean who is this girl and why is he trying to keep it a secret? It matters that he is lying to you but I also think it matters what he was doing behind your back.

    He also shouldn't be turning this around on you- I hate when people do that and i know how that feels! I think you two should def. sit down and talk about it seriously. You two should lay out expectations of what is okay and not okay.

  • He said she and her family have been his friends for a long time. He tried to say when he went out to the mall with a friend last time I treated him like he was a child and that is not true. He broke plans with me to go to the mall with his guy friend so his friend could get a military discount on shoes because it was so important and he took hrs longer than he was supposed to.
  • and he is at military training for the weekend so I can't talk to him til he gets back tomorrow night. One lie just makes me question everything.
  • image L&SWalkers2012:
    He said she and her family have been his friends for a long time. He tried to say when he went out to the mall with a friend last time I treated him like he was a child and that is not true. He broke plans with me to go to the mall with his guy friend so his friend could get a military discount on shoes because it was so important and he took hrs longer than he was supposed to.

     

    I call bullsh*t. Unless ofcourse he has mentioned her before. Usually a wife knows about important friendships like that. Is this the first time you have heard about her?

     

  • I heard about her once but it was a long time ago and all he said was she was a friend. Part of me thinks she was more than a friend at one point in time. He hasnt talked about her in a forever then sneaks to see her just seems like I have reasons to be jealous and to feel betrayed.  I dont know any woman that would be ok with her husband hanging out with a woman she has never met.
  • image L&SWalkers2012:
    He said she and her family have been his friends for a long time. He tried to say when he went out to the mall with a friend last time I treated him like he was a child and that is not true. He broke plans with me to go to the mall with his guy friend so his friend could get a military discount on shoes because it was so important and he took hrs longer than he was supposed to.


    Such close friends that you never ever heard of them until....now????

    Something is weird here.

    Your H is not dependable.  I'd read him the riot act on this --- it's a character thing and he hasn't got much character judging from what you've told us.
  • I never buy the, "I had to lie because you're so mean to me." line. It just makes me think the guy is a spineless weasel.

    I mean, seriously, me being angry is just soooo scary you don't have the balls to handle it. If I'm being unreasonably vile then give me a kick up the ass for being a shrew, don't get all whiney about it and blame me for your lies. And if I'm justified in my anger then face up to the music.

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  • Sounds very scuzzy. And why should you have to hire a babysitter when your husband isn't working and can take care of the kid(s) like, I dunno, a father should be capable of doing?

    Bottom line- he's lying to you and probably cheating on you. Do you really want to share your life with someone like that? 

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  • image jez_girl:

    Sounds very scuzzy. And why should you have to hire a babysitter when your husband isn't working and can take care of the kid(s) like, I dunno, a father should be capable of doing?

    Bottom line- he's lying to you and probably cheating on you. Do you really want to share your life with someone like that? 

    I have a feeling he probably isn't her baby's daddy and won't step up and take on the role of "father".  Or is he IS really the father, well then, I'm left even more speechless.

    He sounds like a great catch. 

    And i"m not sure why you say you know he isn't cheating.  i'd say all signs point to "go" on this one....

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  • How, exactly, do you know he isn't cheating?  Because I have to say, it sure as hell sounds like he is.
    image
  • image EastCoastBride:
    image jez_girl:

    Sounds very scuzzy. And why should you have to hire a babysitter when your husband isn't working and can take care of the kid(s) like, I dunno, a father should be capable of doing?

    Bottom line- he's lying to you and probably cheating on you. Do you really want to share your life with someone like that? 

    I have a feeling he probably isn't her baby's daddy and won't step up and take on the role of "father".  Or is he IS really the father, well then, I'm left even more speechless.

    He sounds like a great catch. 

    And i"m not sure why you say you know he isn't cheating.  i'd say all signs point to "go" on this one....

    If he's not the father and OP married someone who won't parent her child(ren), he's a slimeball and she's a fool for thinking that's acceptable for her or her kid(s). If he IS the father yet doesn't act like one, same thing. OP, what's the deal? I'm not trying to be mean here, but sometimes people need a wake-up call. This can be yours.

    And don't forget the lying. And the probable cheating. This really isn't a good package.  

    TTC # 1 since May 2010
    DH: 28; superhero sperm (probably w/ little capes & tights)ME: 30; Factor V Leiden blood disorder; once elevated prolactin levels, now normal; clear HSG; normal vag-cams
    Diagnosis: unexplained IF
    4 rounds of 100 mg Clomid = 4 BFNs
    IUI # 1 Oct 24/12: 100 mg Clomid, Prometrium
    First ever BFP Nov 8/12! Stick, baby, stick!





    [url=http://www.thebump.com/? utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers] [img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt14e934.aspx[/img][/url]
  • image EastCoastBride:
    image jez_girl:

    Sounds very scuzzy. And why should you have to hire a babysitter when your husband isn't working and can take care of the kid(s) like, I dunno, a father should be capable of doing?

    Bottom line- he's lying to you and probably cheating on you. Do you really want to share your life with someone like that? 

    I have a feeling he probably isn't her baby's daddy and won't step up and take on the role of "father".  Or is he IS really the father, well then, I'm left even more speechless.

    He sounds like a great catch. 

    And i"m not sure why you say you know he isn't cheating.  i'd say all signs point to "go" on this one....

    Dup

    TTC # 1 since May 2010
    DH: 28; superhero sperm (probably w/ little capes & tights)ME: 30; Factor V Leiden blood disorder; once elevated prolactin levels, now normal; clear HSG; normal vag-cams
    Diagnosis: unexplained IF
    4 rounds of 100 mg Clomid = 4 BFNs
    IUI # 1 Oct 24/12: 100 mg Clomid, Prometrium
    First ever BFP Nov 8/12! Stick, baby, stick!





    [url=http://www.thebump.com/? utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers] [img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt14e934.aspx[/img][/url]
  • Team kuus.  I'm trying to figure out what here wlild

    Make a person think he isn't cheating and I've got nothing. 

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  • Sorry you're going through this.  I wouldn't trust him either.  He's acting like a child.
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  • image ReturnOfKuus:
    How, exactly, do you know he isn't cheating?  Because I have to say, it sure as hell sounds like he is.

     

    I agree with this.

    It's NEVER a good sign when a guy lies about a "female friend."

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  • I'm sorry but I would never trust him. I'm sorry you are going through this.

     

     

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  • Yeah he is cheating on you...sorry that is tough. Hope you realize you are a better woman that being treating that way.
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  • image KateLouise:

    I never buy the, "I had to lie because you're so mean to me." line. It just makes me think the guy is a spineless weasel.

    I mean, seriously, me being angry is just soooo scary you don't have the balls to handle it. If I'm being unreasonably vile then give me a kick up the ass for being a shrew, don't get all whiney about it and blame me for your lies. And if I'm justified in my anger then face up to the music.

    I love your reply kate. I was once in a relationship where I would get blamed because the guy would lie. He was very much so a spineless douche bag. OP, Im sorry to hear you are going through this. Like most responses I too, find this whole thing odd.
  • .

    image L&SWalkers2012:
    He replied "thought u would be in school" Then I asked him about the girl on fb and he said that was who he took to walmart and her mother too. I feel betrayed. Doesnt matter what he was doing. He lied to me. His explanation is that he didnt want to tell me cuz he wasnt sure how i would react. He basically is turning it on me and saying he lied to me because of how I act and treat him. I dont know how to forgive him and how he could blame him lying on me.

    As his wife you should already know who is close friends are especially if they are a female and if they are indeed close friends. Like most women said, that fact that he just throws it back on you is a red flag. Don't fall for it, because that will be his excuse every-time he lies to you. My advice, inbox her on Facebook or see if he will let the two of you meet. Good Luck!

     

    Pregnancy Ticker Married: December 19, 2009
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