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No Luck After The First....

My husband and I have wanted to have at least 2 kids. I am an only child and he is one of 3. Our first came easy. It was great. The problem is we have been trying for the past 4 years and have had no luck. After a long and emotional road, we have accepted the fact that we will most likely have just one. What makes it hard is the same people keep asking over and over when we will be having another one. They just don't listen when we tell them that we haven't had any luck and we're happy with one. Every time we have to tell this to people, it brings up a lot of emotions. I think that I am just going to start answering "NEVER" when people ask. Sorry for the rant.

Re: No Luck After The First....

  • No need to apologize, I understand the frustration.  I am sorry for the difficulties you and your husband have faced, and sorry that people around you think it's OK to ask intensely personal questions about your reproductive choices or plans.

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  • I think this is exactly the reason why its so rude to ask such personal questions. I do not know of any reason that I will not be able to have children, so its not as personal for me (for now, I have never ttc, so I don't know how lucky I'll be), but many many women are in your position.  They would love nothing more than to have a child or another child, yet they struggle with making that dream a reality.  Assuming that you've stopped at 1 just because you don't want another is an extremely rude presumption, and I can certainly understand why you would find it to be extremely hurtful and emotional to have to repeatedly explain that.  I wish people would learn to think before they ask such personal questions. 

     

    I found out today that some coworkers apparently are engaged in some sort of bet as to when I will be pregnant.  Its funny that they have a time frame and H and I really do not.  We will try when we are ready. If thats next year, great, if thats 6 or 7 years from now, thats equally great.  

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  • I totally understand. No one should ask you that question.  DH and I tried for a year and a half after we got married.  It became so stressful that we decided to take a break.  I developed such anxiety and depression from the whole situation that I needed to go on meds for these conditions (I have a long history of depression so my doctors were being very careful).  So, we had to start using protection because they are not safe for pregnancy.  The in-laws, my parents, and my husband and I would still get asked this question.  When we tried to explain that we were taking a break, would you believe that people would insist that it wasn't going to get easier because I was getting older.  The kicker is that I'm only 29!  WTF!  

    My father got so upset when he heard this one time that the next time someone asked he said, "They have been trying and it hasn't happened yet, but are you asking because you're going to help raise the child?" I nearly died of laughter when I heard this because it was at my niece's 6th birthday party and I was standing right next to him.  He pulled me aside and said that I should tell people exactly that.  I have been doing so ever since and people have stopped.  In my mind it is the appropriate answer to a very inappropriate question.  Conception has become very complicated today and it can be a very sensitive topic for some people so in my mind it is no one's business but the direct people involved.

    Sorry that this was so long.

    By the way, when we try again we will take it with a grain of salt.  But for us, if it doesn't happen we will adopt because there are many children in the world that need to feel loved. 

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    I totally understand. No one should ask you that question.  DH and I tried for a year and a half after we got married.  It became so stressful that we decided to take a break.  I developed such anxiety and depression from the whole situation that I needed to go on meds for these conditions (I have a long history of depression so my doctors were being very careful).  So, we had to start using protection because they are not safe for pregnancy.  The in-laws, my parents, and my husband and I would still get asked this question.  When we tried to explain that we were taking a break, would you believe that people would insist that it wasn't going to get easier because I was getting older.  The kicker is that I'm only 29!  WTF!  

    My father got so upset when he heard this one time that the next time someone asked he said, "They have been trying and it hasn't happened yet, but are you asking because you're going to help raise the child?" I nearly died of laughter when I heard this because it was at my niece's 6th birthday party and I was standing right next to him.  He pulled me aside and said that I should tell people exactly that.  I have been doing so ever since and people have stopped.  In my mind it is the appropriate answer to a very inappropriate question.  Conception has become very complicated today and it can be a very sensitive topic for some people so in my mind it is no one's business but the direct people involved.

    Sorry that this was so long.

    By the way, when we try again we will take it with a grain of salt.  But for us, if it doesn't happen we will adopt because there are many children in the world that need to feel loved. 

     

    Good for your dad!!! 

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  • Just to echo this...I don't know where you are at emotionally with all this, but there are other ways to have children or be invovled in childrens lives without giving birth to them..Theres adoption -infant, international, or older children who are in foster care would LOVE a forever family, theres foster parenting, theres also bigbrother/big sister programs that set at risk kids up with adult to hang out with and kind of mentor, theres serrogacy (sp?), or just being the 'awesome friends parents who always have your kids friends over'. Wishing you the best (and that people would shush up) wherever you are at!

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