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I'm drowning in MILs drama

Okay, so my MIL is a little overbearing. I can deal with that. She also kind of has a grating personality. I can deal with that too (in small doses). What I can't deal with is the fact that she has decided I'm her new best friend. She says that I'm the one person in her life she can talk to about anything and it's okay. While that's great, I'm not really comfortable listening to my husbands mother talk about a 22 years younger married man that they're kind of seeing each other but not really and how much she wants to get it on with him. She's 57 and recently started acting like a 16 year old.

I get that she's in a tough place. She's been widowed for almost 12 years, her step son refuses to talk to her and she and her daughter kind of had a falling out. (Long time coming, it's slowly getting better). The last thing I want to do is hurt her feelings and make her feel alone. I've asked H what I should do, he just says he's glad it's not him. . . thanks babe, that was helpful.

Does anybody have any advice? 

Re: I'm drowning in MILs drama

  • She's looking for a pal. I am guessing there are no ladies in her contemporary category that she is friends with.

    What she needs are things to do and places to go where she'd meet people her own age.  She's still young enough to take tennis lessons, to join a professional organization, sports-related fan club (they still have them; if she's a football fan or baseball fan of a certain team, she'd meet many people her age with a common interest)   a political club or take up martial arts, volleyball, take photography lessons -- the possibilities are endless.
  • She doesn't have a car and I was planning on letting her borrow my car the other day so she could hang out with her retired chief online friends and as I was leaving my house she texted me saying she didn't want to go because she didn't feel like hanging out with people "older then her." Most of them are in her age range.

    We've tried to get her involved in things like that before but she always finds one excuse or another to turn them down. We do visit her and go places with her and she borrows our car a lot too but H and I are very busy and kind of still newly weds so it can't really be a constant thing. 

    Thank you for the advice. We'll just keep trying different things. 

  • Her social life and the quest for it isn't your look out or ball game. It's hers.

    And age ain't nothin' but some numbers --- it's all a matter of thinking young and acting young.:) I know people in their 70s who are still active: playing tennis and going to happy hours -- and I know people in their 20s and 30s who do nothing but whine away and b!tch to beat the band that their weekend sucked and life is passing them by.:)

    What did you DO this weekend? Did you get up off your ass and do something? Did you indulge a hobby? did you get out and see something or go somewhere, even if it's to the corner bar to watch a ball game and commisserate with other sports fans or go down to a bar and hear a band that's playing there?

    Did you actually get up off your ass and not be a mental or physical couch potato?

    You should have friends of all ages; your MIL isn't any exception to that rule.

    And even so, she can find plenty of things to do where a younger group of people is attracted. Coed sports teams like volleyball and coed tennis leagues usually attract the energetic.

  • Could you and hubby sit down with her together to address it?  Having his support and agreement may help you not look like the bad guy. 

    Perhaps you could just explain that while you love her and want to continue to spend time with her you also think it's important she have other friends (don't even mention age). 

    As for the other issue, I would not be afraid to tell her flat out that her being with a married man makes you uncomfortable and is not something you care to discuss with her.  I'm sure she wouldn't want to talk with you about your sex life with her son either.  Compare it to that if you have to.

  • I have no problem with people acting a little young every once in a while and being truly young at heart but that's not who she is.She is dyeing her hair ridiculous colors and behaving like she's my age to try and be something she's not to get this sleazeball to leave his wife for her.

    She has already told me she separates me from her son when she mentions something about sex. I don't talk about it because it's weird for me but for her, I'm just another girl pal. Not a daughter in law. 

  • She's lonely. That said, it's not your job to solve that for her. You need to distance yourself from her if you want this to get better. As you "get busier", she'll have to find someone else to talk to.

    Do you or your husband know anyone who is single and in her 10-year age bracket? If you want to help her, maybe set her up on a lunch date with you, your husband, your friend, and her. If she sees that you think it's okay to spend time with someone that age, maybe she will, too.
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