Relationships
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Making and keeping friends

I have been having a hard Time making and keeping friends. I never had this issue until recently and I did not know where else to turn and I came across this site and board. I also do not know if I am being too sensitive. I am 32 yo married with an almost 2 yo child. I have the same group of girlfriends since high school and we've all managed to stay close althought I dont get to talk to them all of the time. Everyone is busy with their own lives some married with kids some not married. I am now a sahm after being laid off. Most of my friends are working. I have tried making new friends at the gym and through clases for my child and have managed to make a few friends here and there but nothing lasting. Any attempt that I have made to get closer to another mom is usually shot down.  Or if I have made a relationship the person has stopped contacting me after we have had a few playdates. At times I feel lonely or that my self-esteem has taken a hit. I may not be the most outgoing person but i do think I am nice and friendly and fun to be around. The funny thing is is that some of these other moms I still bump into at classes or on Facebook etc and it seems that they have purposely excluded me or stopped talking to me. It makes me feel bad for my child being that this also excludes her even though she doesnt understand. Does anyone else have a similar situation that They aR e in? Or any advice? I think staying home from work has given me more time and I think it can be out boerdrom/ depression that I feel this way.  I understand that In life people grow aPart and stop talking but this seems like it is happenning too much. Tia.

Re: Making and keeping friends

  • What do you like to do?

    What type of interests do you have? What type of hobbies do you have?

    Find groups and clubs that specialize in your interests and look into joining those groups.

    You will be meeting people who already have the same interests as you do: the best way to make a friend is through a group that sponsors your common interests.

    Also look into things like night school classes, coed lessons for a sport like tennis, zumba or martial arts, your local college alumni group, etc.

    Volunteering for a very good cause will get you some interesting friends.:)
  • You also might want to make an effort to rekindle or retain your old high school friendships, too. My girlfriends and I all committed years ago that no matter what was going on in our lives, we'd do an annual girls' trip to stay connected. I wish I got to see them more, but this one trip a year kind of helps us reboot, if you know what I mean.

    This year will be our sixth trip together. Some of us have children, some of us just got married (me), some of us are single, and we're dispersed across the country. One of you take the lead on planning it, and make it happen. Those friendships are too good to let go.

    www.meetmyhusband.blogspot.com
  • I think making friends is pretty difficult. Its hard for 2 people to click all the time you know.  I have my co-worker friends, 1 high school friend, 2 college friends, and friends of DH and neighbors and family.  So even though I would love to have more friends or close friends with working full time and having a 2 year old its hard.  I had a close friendship end after 20+ years, so right now I'm just not feeling like putting myself out there.  So I figure if the friendship happens it happens, and I'll let it happen naturally.

    So I guess my takeaway, is rather than focus on the negative- oh I have no friends thing. Focus on the support system that you do have, because I bet it is a lot more people than you think once you list them all out.  

    And look into ways to alleviate your depression (maybe see a counselor) and your boredom.  Group activities are perfectly fine- you don't have to "make friends" and if you do you do if you don't you don't.  I think that helps take the pressure off.  

    I doubt anyone is purposely excluding you.  Honestly I think Facebook just makes everything seem that way.  I think you guys gave it a shot and just didn't click enough to keep getting together.  There is a good book I read on trying to find friends called MWF seeks BFF which talks about all her "friend" dates and what happened, and I think it is pretty accurate.  

  • Sometimes when you're feeling down you can feel like the world's against you.  If it gives you any motivation, my mom has two best friends, one from childhood who never married and one who was the parent of my classmate when I was little.  You can still meet new people.  Have you tried joining any women's clubs or local organizations?  Maybe you can bond on a common hobby or interest instead of the fact that you have similar aged children.  If you take up a new hobby, you might find a friend, and you will have more to talk about with friends.  Do something to get yourself out for the day, have fun, and I think the friends and the happiness will follow.
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  • Thank you for this it really makes a lot of sense. I will check out this book. You have all made me feel a little better:) i appreciate it
  • It seems like it's more and more difficult to make and keep friends as I get older! So you're definitely not alone.

    Have you tried to find a SAHM group or parents group on Meetup.com? Or some sort of other hobby group? I agree with the other poster about volunteering but I understand that might be difficult with a two year old!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • meetup.org has lots of activities to find around your area
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  • Hi there,

    I can really relate to your post as well. I think after college I have found it much harder to meet people. Working full time and doing freelance limits my time to go out with new people, so I stick to my close and small group of college friends. As an artist, I have tried to "network" with fellow artists and it honestly feels so shallow to me. Those acquaintances never seem to turn into real friends. It feels very forced, and sort of like a "what can you do for me" vibe. Which I absolutely hate.

    I agree with other posters, who said to try to find groups with similar interests in your area. Wish I had some additional advice, but all I can say is you are definitely not alone. It's also hard to open up again and invest in new friends after losing some close ones with years of history. But focusing on the positives is always good too. It sounds like your high school friends are still close, so any time you feel lonely, shoot one of them an email or a phone call. :)

     

    [IMG]http://i1118.photobucket.com/albums/k613/nycartist/16755_197219638704_518460_n.jpg[/IMG]
  • Take a look at www.meetup.com. It's an awesome place for people to get together and make friends. My husband and I have recently hit a very large speed bump in our social life and went to Meetup and now are on a kickball team. We love Meetup. Check it out! :)

     

    [IMG]http://i48.tinypic.com/ega6ic.jpg[/IMG]


    BFP#1: 08/30/12 EDD 04/30/12 m/c 09/04/12 6wks
    BFP#2: 01/27/13 EDD 10/06/13 no baby/just sac on u/s 02/25/13 chemical abortion 03/02/13 9wks
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