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Husband + New Career/School = New friend (girl)

I have been married almost a year but been together a decade. We have dealt with trust issues before but things have been fine and trusting for a while. But in the back of my mind my guard is always up.   And to me, in today's world it should be.

So my husband wants to go in to a form of nursing. I'm all for that considering his past career has only been cooking.

So now he's in school and has 3 main people he hangs out with. 1 guy and 1 SINGLE girl.

I went up to school one day to bring him his books and folders he forgot.  They were on a break and outside. I know the 1 guy from mutual friends. He did not come up to say hi..... She did.  Extended her hand introducing herself. Saying how he talks so much about me...etc.  I was so thrown off guard and of course one of the days I wasnt wearing any make-up and looking my best.

After this, it dawned on me that they were better friends than the initial "ya, we all 3 sit together in class".     Now, he even mentions her a bit more in conversation talking about what happened in school that day.   

I am not too worried, but the more he talks about his new friend the more my mind starts messing with me.   I tend to be a bit on the jealous side but not crazy jealous and I don't care if he has a friend.

I guess what I am asking is when your husband makes friends at work or school with other females... how do I keep my composure and stay committed to trusting him and keep my sanity???? 

Any advice would help!!!

... I see myself stressing more and more about this lately.

 

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Re: Husband + New Career/School = New friend (girl)

  • I am all for cohorts and school friends and study partners.

    If he starts to spend too much time alone with this female classmate or you find out there are inappropriate texts and other goings on not contingent with it being only a school mate/ school friend, rethink this guy immediately.

    GL. So far, it sounds harmless.
  • It also sounds harmless to me. I would only start getting  worried if he made an effort to only do homework with her- It would probably be fine if she came over to our house (while i was there) but not if he went over there to her house. The best way to calm your nerves is to befriend her. You can get to know her and see if she is a trustworthy person or not for yourself.

    Don't stress about it- or talk to your H about how much it is bothering you.

  • oh, for heaven's sake.
  • IT's when he's NOT talking about her that I'd probably get worried....

    He's going into nursing.  He's going to be around a lot of women.  This is just a fellow student.  Eventually it will be coworkers- mostly women.

    You need to find a better way to deal w/ your trust issues.  If you keep going down this path, I could see your jealousy doing a lot of damage.

    That being said, doesn't mean there aren't signs for when you SHOULD be worried.  But from what you've explained here - i'm not seeing any reason to be concerned. 

     

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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  • I don't think you have anything to worry about, sweetie. As long as you're both happy at home, he's not going anywhere. He's going to meet other women in life; that's just the way it works. You can't distrust him every time he does. She wanted to meet you because he speaks so well of you! Stop worrying. He loves you, and is trying something new (school) in order to have a better life with YOU.
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  • The rest of your life is a long time to live with someone with whom you always have to have your guard up in the back of your mind, that's all I can say.  What were these "trust issues"?  Were they actual trust issues, or untrustworthy douchebag issues?
    image
  • I can tell you as a current nursing student, your husband is going to have a hard time finding friends in class who aren't girls, and many of them are going to be single. As a nursing student it is VERY important to find good people to study with, you are encouraged by professors from the second you  walk into a nursing program to join groups to study. He's talked about her with you, she introduced herself to you, this really just doesn't sound suspicious at all.


  • Nothing to worry about IMO. She came up to you and was super friendly, he talks about her regularly - that's all good. What's not good is that the trust issues have always been in the back of your mind. Let it go, all of it. Like PP's have said, he's going to be around a lot more chicks going into nursing so it's time for you to get used to it.

    I'm going through something similar now with my H, who's in a phlebotomy class and has a female study partner. He hasn't talked about her much, but he did mention that he was planning a Skype study date with her a few nights ago. Since I was at work, the alarms in my head started going off. Not only did I have to talk myself down from it, I also sat on the phone with him giving Skype troubleshooting so they could video chat. I did make sure to go straight home from work and rock his world rather than stay an additional 8hrs for OT lol. I figured it he's spent his evening video chatting with another girl, it's my responsibility to get home and remind him why he married ME! Whether or not it does anything for him, it gives me piece (peace?) of mind. I did meet her a few days later, also when I was not looking my best (on my way to work once again). She was really nice, says he talks about me all the time and he showed her our wedding pics, she's so jealous, blah blah blah... And she casually mentioned her bf... Sigh, we just have to suck it up and TRUST not just in our men, but in ourselves and our ability to keep their attention. 

  • image sillypuddy143:

    I can tell you as a current nursing student, your husband is going to have a hard time finding friends in class who aren't girls, and many of them are going to be single. As a nursing student it is VERY important to find good people to study with, you are encouraged by professors from the second you  walk into a nursing program to join groups to study. He's talked about her with you, she introduced herself to you, this really just doesn't sound suspicious at all.


    All of this.
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  • So what are the trust issues?

     

    I had several good guy friends in grad school and studied alone with them at our houses sometimes.  It would have pissed me off if h had been suspicious because he would hve had no reason to be suspicious.  Another friend use to regularly study with a guy friend alone at his house and was sleeping with him behind her dh's back.  And then did it with several other people.  Surprise, she had a history of cheating.  He found out about maybe one of the guys but they're still married.  If he's worthy of trust, you should trust him.  If he has a history of inappropriate boundaries and cheating then I wouldn't trust him but I also wouldn't be with him. 

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  • Thank you all so much! I'm working on easing my mind. I feel so much better after reading all of these and some of your similar situations.

    I just need to learn to calm down before jumping to conclusion.

    gsg717 great idea to go home and show him the love! I will start using this approach more often!! Thanks!
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  • So you don't want to tell us what those "trust issues" are.
    image
  • image ReturnOfKuus:
    So you don't want to tell us what those "trust issues" are.

    I think the obvious answer to this is 'No'.

    And i think it's safe to assume the trust issues involved some indiscretion involving said H and a 'girl-friend'.

     

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  • I agree with PP's and I hope time will help you dissolve your trust issues.  When DH went away for a golf weekend for his bachelor party, I had the best time relaxing at home, not a single worry.  I trust him to the hills, and I've had exes who gave me major trust anxiety.  Be happy he's making new friends and doing well in this new investment.  He picked you.  You don't need to impress a friend, you're the wife.
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  • When I was in nursing school we had study groups all the time there were 3 boys in my class the rest girls. My study group was 2 of the boys and 2 other girls. We spent many hours together. Nursing school is hell if you dot trust him now it's just going to get worse. If my husband got jealous that I was spending time with them we probably wouldn't have gotten married. And I would drive 2 hours to meet at someone's house. Get it together girl or your gonna ruin your relationship 
  • She came right up to you, and introduced herself. Doesn't sound shady at all. If he ever starts spending more time with her than you than it can be a problem. I would get to know her so I would feel more confortable.
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