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Family Holiday Stress & it's only August!

Last year, before our wedding, we felt that we had to appease everyone in our families. Therefore, we spent Thanksgiving day with my family, and Thanksgiving night with his dads family. Christmas we spent with my family...I think, I can't remember.

This year, I said we should do whatever WE want to do and everyone can come to us if they'd like. I want to go to my parents for Thanksgiving, inviting everyone from both his dads side and his moms side (they're divorced, and his dad will been newly married). His dads side probably won't come, so we won't see them.

Which will make Christmas a hassle too. He'll want to see his dads side, since we won't have seen them for Thanksgiving, meanwhile I'd love to go to his moms side for Christmas, as we've never spent that with their side of the family. 

Ugh. Drama.

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Re: Family Holiday Stress & it's only August!

  • Just invite people to your place.
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  • Good idea, but we live in a verrry small basement apartment, we don't have a table, let alone space for one and the amount of guests involved.
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  • You could have Christmas eve with one family then Christmas Day with another. and alternate next year. 

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  • image svveetie413:

    This year, I said we should do whatever WE want to do and everyone can come to us if they'd like. I want to go to my parents for Thanksgiving, inviting everyone from both his dads side and his moms side (they're divorced, and his dad will been newly married). His dads side probably won't come, so we won't see them.

    Do your parents really want to host your in laws? I don't see that being a whole lot of fun. 

  • image Jim&Jaime:
    image svveetie413:

    This year, I said we should do whatever WE want to do and everyone can come to us if they'd like. I want to go to my parents for Thanksgiving, inviting everyone from both his dads side and his moms side (they're divorced, and his dad will been newly married). His dads side probably won't come, so we won't see them.

    Do your parents really want to host your in laws? I don't see that being a whole lot of fun. 

    Much less BOTH SIDES of his family. 

    And I'm missing the drama.  This simply sounds like you and your DH can't decide "what works best" for the two of you- what you want and what he wants don't mesh.  That's called communication and compromise.  Not drama.

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  • Alternate holidays with each side, Christmas with yours Thanksgiving with his... and then with divorce if they are in the same area maybe visit mom's side on the eve and dad's on the day... or split the day in half and do lunch with one side and dinner with another.  If they are in different cities, do a rotation....I would never expect the whole family to be included at a family member's house.
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  • image ReturnOfKuus:
    Just invite people to your place.

     I completely agree with this. Invite everyone over. And quit talking about Christmas. lol

    I'm already sick and tired seeing Halloween decorations in store already! BAH!

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  • My parents would love to host. They tried last year, but excuses, excuses, no one on my husbands dads side could come....his moms side though, all came and we had a ball!
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  • Alternating seems like it's the only option. My DH thinks we have to see everyone for every holiday. It can't happen. LOL just deal
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  • image svveetie413:
    My parents would love to host. They tried last year, but excuses, excuses, no one on my husbands dads side could come....his moms side though, all came and we had a ball!

     Just host it in your home! There's no drama that way.

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  • I don't get how "just host it in your home" is really a solution. If everyone thought like that, no one would ever get to see their families because everyone would be hosting in their own homes! I suggest you sit down with your DH and figure out what you both want. For us, we spend Christmas Eve with my FIL and then Christmas Day with either my parents or his mom - we rotate each year - and we find another day around Christmas to spend with the other family. The family that doesn't get us for Christmas gets us on Thanksgiving. This seems to work pretty well and we aren't driving everywhere on holidays.
  • image WendyGR:
    I don't get how "just host it in your home" is really a solution. If everyone thought like that, no one would ever get to see their families because everyone would be hosting in their own homes! I suggest you sit down with your DH and figure out what you both want. For us, we spend Christmas Eve with my FIL and then Christmas Day with either my parents or his mom - we rotate each year - and we find another day around Christmas to spend with the other family. The family that doesn't get us for Christmas gets us on Thanksgiving. This seems to work pretty well and we aren't driving everywhere on holidays.

     Of course it's a solution! It brings everyone together! You can invite both families. which isn't such a horrible idea! FI and do this every other Christmas and we LOVE doing it! So does our families! It gives people a break from having to host every year! We love decorating the home for Christmas and enjoy cooking and baking for the family. It's not always about going to someone elses house for the holidays!

     

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  • We have a similar situation except it's my parents who are divorced.

    Christmas eve we go to his parents, and christmas day we have breakfast with my dad's side of the family and dinner at my moms.

    Next year we switch and do Christmas eve at my mom, and Christmas dinner at my in-laws. We always do breakfast with my dad and it seems to work out well.

     

    Thanksgiving is never an issue because we live in Canada and celebrate it in October with my parents, but my husband and his family are originally from the states and we just do a second Thanksgiving in November!

    Alternating is definitely the best, but sometimes you miss out on holidays with family, they should hopefully be mature about it and come to a compromise with you like having a nice sit down dinner another day.

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