Sex & Romance
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Not fit enough for sex?


 I've been married for a year and almost 4 months. Our sex life has struggled since the beginning. My husband has gained 80 lbs since we first started dating a few years ago. We have struggled with sexual positions because I'm very short (under 5 feet). This makes me on top challenging because my knees don't touch the bed because of his thighs. His large belly and large thighs make his *** appear to be very short and also make it hard for us to get it in far enough. When he is on top we have successful penetration but he gets too exhausted before he even ejaculates. I'm at a loss. I don't know what else to do and I'm very frustrated. He's been saying for years that he wants to lose the weight and I have given 100% effort to helping him but he doesn't actually try. He eats fast food lunch every day despite me making him good tasty lunches. He chooses fried food and dessert all the time. I'm so disappointed and have no clue what else I can do. Anyone have any idea?

Anniversary PersonalMilestone

Re: Not fit enough for sex?

  • Was he overweight when you met him? 

    Was your sex life the way it is now or has this happened since he reached the 30 pound mark or so?

    If your sex life was simply bad from the start (exclusive of his being heavy) then perhaps you should have moved on when you were still single. I don't know what you mean by "bad" -- were you sexually incompatible on some level? Did he not understand the dynamics of foreplay first and then taking his time?  Was he a quick in and out where he orgasmed and then the big love scene was over?

    More backstory on what "bad" consisted of back then would help.  I don't know if you are sexually incompatible or whether his excess weight is what is causing the problems in the sack. 

    We are all fighting the battle of the bulge; of coiurse you know 80 pounds in a few years is excessive.

    That much excess weight can shot his health to hell. I am hoping he hasn't got high blood pressure.

    He can start losing weight by taking small steps:

    Brown bag a lunch each day - a sandwich on whole grain with a banana and some skim milk; sandwiches made from leftovers from the night before, chili (make it yourselves) or something leftovers he can pt inthe microwave at work.:)
    Fruit for dessert
    Cutting out the fries when he orders fast food meals
    Make his fast food visits a once in awhile endeavor
    Drink skim milk instead of whole milk
    Make 2/3 of his lunch or dinner fruits and vegetables and make the other third chicken or beef or fish
    If he drinks sugary sodas, replace it with water --- diet sodas are poison and so are the phoney sweeteners within them.
    Beer -- if he's a beer drinker, he needs to cut back -- switch to one of the lighter beers  and cut back on the amount of beer he drinks

    THere has to be a way to encroach the subject.  He needs to lose weight and to tell him he's too heavy could start a war, the same way it could if he sat you down and told you you are too heavy.

    He can also use a time honored way of losing weight; they have Weight Watchers on line if he's not a rah rah meetings type. He can download the app onto his phone --- and they give you lots of food. Men get more because they're mostly muscle and not fat.:)

    They also have many many recipes --- you cannot tell these are Weight Watchers recipes and he's bound to find his favorites there.

    They also include the points values of food of  many chain restaurants.  comes in handy for him, too.

    I know of somebody who lost over 100 pounds through Weight Watchers -- and a friend of mine joined many years ago, in high school, with the prom being her motivation for losing 40 pounds. to this day, she's kept off the weight.

    He should have great success if he joins WW. Remember: motivation is 99% of the battle won.:)

    Your H is a nice looking guy; he'll look even nicer once he loses the weight.:)

    Look into an exercise that you and he can do together as a couple:

    Ballroom dancing, Latin dance or line dancing --- great way to stay active and have a common interest as a couple
    Tennis or some other life time sport
    Martial arts

  • Try other positions -- reverse cowboy, you on top -- or wheelbarrow.

    The horse is out of the barn but when you said your sex life was troubled from the start, that is when you should have addressed the subject.

    He needs to work on this with you. This is all about ensuring that your spouse is happy and sexual happiness counts greatly.

    Unless he gets motivated and starts to lose weight on his own, the problem you described will not only remain active, it will probably be excerbarated due to his weight gain continuance. 

    As I said, not good for his health -- the fried foods need to be cut back on -- Weight Watchers permits it but in moderation and with portion control.  They permit nearly everything in moderation and with portion control.
  • Thanks for the reply. When I say it was bad I mean that it has been challenging to reach penetration. The foreplay is great but it is all we have most of the time because we are unsuccessful at intercourse. He was overweight when we met but we weren't having sex. We waited till marriage which is a decision I have begun to regret. We both had sex in the past so its not exactly inexperience that's the cause, it's the positions we try. 

    Approaching the issue of his weight has been tough because he puts no effort in. He joined weight watchers and lost 20 lbs. Then he slacked off and gained it all back plus 10 more. He has a gym membership but hardly goes and when he does he doesn't do much. I packed him healthy lunches for work but they returned home at the end of the day. He's an extremely picky eater and hates veggies and most fruits. I've made some of the recipes from weight watchers for dinner and he did enjoy those. It's the rest of the day that I can't do much about. 

     We do play tennis on occasion but not enough. He has knee pain when we walk or run too much. It's tough because our fitness levels are not alike at all anymore. We used to be much more active but now, it's tough. We went to Disney World a year ago and he was unable to fit on a couple of roller coasters so I was left to ride alone. This weekend we went to Hershey Park and I was again left alone to ride scary rides by myself. I told him that his health may leave me a widow just like I was left on those rides but it doesn't click with him. He still takes his health for granted. I'm afraid to lose him but I'm also afraid that this lack of sex is becoming a really big issue. 

    Anniversary PersonalMilestone
  • There has to be an active activity that he likes and will be motivated enough to stick with.  You're not asking hin to do a triathlon or set a world's record for a 100 meter dash but there has to be an active activty that he likes and is fairly good at.

    He probably has knee pain because of the excess weight he's got  --- for that reason alone he should be motivated enough to lose weight. He's a young guy --- he shouldn't be having knee pain of any kind.:(

    Is there a third party who can talk sense into him -- like a buddy or somebody else whose opinion is gold to him?

    He doesn't like stir fried oriental foods? Just about everybody I know likes Chinese or Thai or something else Far East with stir fried veggies.

    Biking has no impact on the knee -- what about a spin class? Can't he sign up for that?

    There are even guys who do Zumba -- that can be low impact; Zumba is what you make it.

    There are ways to modify a fried food recipe so that iut comes out healthier and lighter in calories. There are ways you can "Fry" chicken or fish in an oven -- would he go for that?

    It's his heath that is an issue and there is also the issue of intimacy. He's got to do something about this before a big wedge is driven between the both of you -- as you know, sex is one of the biggies couples argue about. 

    Too bad there isn't a Weight Watchers meeting nearby you that is moderated by a guy. Maybe if he has a guy moderator at meetings he'll be more motivated?

    Talk to him. YOu and he need a heart to heart that's frank and objective. LIke I said, he's a good looking guy.


     Lots of visual aids =)


    Also, try putting some pillows next to his thighs so you can be on top. GL!

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • For a picky eater hungry girl has a lot of recipes based on something yummy like a burger, but a way to make it with less calories.  

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