Trouble in Paradise
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DH not interested in sex

Hello I'm new to the nest and could use a little help. Me and my husband have been married for almost 9 mo but have been together 3 years. Lately he has not been interested in sex. It's only been about a couple months but we were usually having sex several times a month. We have two children (one together) and I have put on some weight since haveing our child but I'm not large at all (size 5ish).

He has also been going into work earlier and earlier. It used to be he would get to work about thirty minutes early, but now he is leaving to get there as much as 2 hours early.

I'm not sure whats going on. If he could be cheating on me, or if he is stressed and just doesnt want to talk about it. I've asked him a few times and  he just says he is tired. But its even on his days off. Please if anyone could give me some advice about how to approach this. 

Re: DH not interested in sex

  • Well, how often are you having sex with him right now?

    Perhaps this is a rut of some sort --- remember, passion, and the amount of sex, in a marriage can tend to ebb and flow.

    What you need to do -- and I cannot stress this enough:

    Communicate with your spouse. It is one of the keys to a happy relationship.

    Perhaps he's getting acclamated to the earlier working hours, and that is having an effect on your sex life.

    Like I said, talk to him. Preface it with "honey, we are so hot together; I'd love it if we could have more sex than we are having right now" and then open the floor for him to add his input.
  • I think you should have an undistracted no kids around convo with your husband. He could be suffering from depression which is why he is withdrawing. Or he could actually have a reason medically for his low libido, which could also depress a man. Which could lead him to not want to be around if he feels bad. Or I could be way off in left field! But regardless, you need to talk to him. Find out what's going on. Be there for him. And let him know you are here to talk to him whenever he needs it! GL! 
  • If you can get him to have sex, I would recommend having the conversation immediately after.  It's been my experience that my DH is more likely to open up right after sex when he's feeling content and in that bonding mode.  It's also the perfect segueway (sp?) in your situation: "Wow, that was great, I feel like we don't do it as often anymore.... what do you think?"
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  • Have you asked him why? I know my DH and I will have dry spells, and once it was lasting a while and really concerned me. When I talked to him about it turned out he was actually just as self conscious as I was over gaining some weight since we had been together, and we talked it out and things are great now :) So trying asking him about it, and see what y'all can figure out. If that doesn't do anything try to spice things up, maybe you just need a jumpstart to your sex life.
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