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My Mom Wasn't Invited to my Wedding

I feel so bad for even saying that, typing make it seem worse. I did not invite my mother to my wedding because she does not like my husband. I live in South Carolina, had my wedding in North Carolina, and my mother is in Michigan. We had a whirlwind wedding, had an incredible ceremony and reception at a luxury mountain cabin retreat. It was quite small and intimate, and beautiful in every way. If my mom was there, she would have made the wedding weekend miserable. I know this from experience.

For example, my mother mutters things about my husband right in front of him, he does not respond of course, so I do. She's yelled at him, yelled at me about him, belittled both of us for our relationship, and I did not want to babysit my own mother at my wedding weekend retreat.There's more than just belittling and yelling; she acts as if he doesn't exist. He'll try to talk to her, even just greet her, and she ignores and reverts her attention to me, whether it be positive or negative. My mother is passive-aggressive and not going to change. We've only been married for 2 weeks and I already have anxiety about meetingmy mom for Christmas. (Thank goodness we do not live right by each other!) His parents will be in their retirement condo for Christmas, and my mother is going to be in her retirement condo in the same city in Florida. His mom insists on inviting my mother to her Christmas dinner. What am I to do? They have never had contact before. My MIL does not know that my mother does not like my hubby. I see the capability of many things going wrong!! Like World War III. I truly just want to explain that my mother will not be available, period. Yet my MIL is adamant. What do I do? I know I can't keep them away from each other forever, but I would like peace on my Earth for my 1st official Christmas with my husband. Please help! And thank you :).

Re: My Mom Wasn't Invited to my Wedding

  • A couple thoughts - I htink your DH needs to talk to his mom and tell her that you and he don't want to invite your mom.  And I think he needs to tell her why!  I'm not sure why you're hiding this from her.  To not include your mom w/ no explanation doesn't really make sense.

    But if after telling his mom the situation, if she's still adament - then invite your mom.  Your MIL will learn first hand the problem!  And will hopefully never want to do that again.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • Agreed!

     I'm sorry your mom is so mean to your new hubby. I couldn't imagine being in your situation! 

    There's a new show out called Monster In Law. Maybe you should watch it. They have a relationship expert that comes in and tries to resolve the problem in their families. I've watched 3 episodes, and in all 3 of them, they all realized what they were doing wrong. Couldn't hurt! 

  • So you simply uninvited her.

    And you never spoke up when all of this began and told her to stfu about your H once and for all.

    WHY???

    I'd be livid if I were your H. It's your duty to stand up for him and have his back, the same as it's his duty to have your back and stand up for you.

    Why exactly does your mother not like your H? How about some backstory?
  • srgwsrgw member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    imageEastCoastBride:

    A couple thoughts - I think your DH needs to talk to his mom and tell her that you and he don't want to invite your mom.  And I think he needs to tell her why!  I'm not sure why you're hiding this from her.  To not include your mom w/ no explanation doesn't really make sense.

    But if after telling his mom the situation, if she's still adamant - then invite your mom.  Your MIL will learn first hand the problem!  And will hopefully never want to do that again.

    I agree with ECB. 

  • I agree with ECB as well. BTW, I'm sure your MIL noticed your mother wasn't at the wedding? Seems strange that she would want to invite her without your wishes to a Christmas dinner---unless she is trying to mend fences between you all?
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  • I definitely wouldn't let MIL invite your Mum without knowing the full story. That's just setting her up for an awful situation.

    If you explain it all, and she still wants to invite her, well that's on her. 

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  • Thank you for your post! Yes, my MIL did notice, but my mom had just gone on a trip to Florida, and a trip to California, and truly, my mother couldn't afford it after just having spent so much $...my MIL thought that my mom was already out of town (my hubby put that notion in her head). I so hope she is trying to mend fences!! That would be wonderful! Yet, I am a nervous wreck already, and it's only July! Yikes!
  • I'm sorry! I responded to the wrong post! I was going down the line to respond and I didn't see the correct 'reply'! This is only my 4th post...sorry about that! But thank YOU for responding. I need all the advice I can get!
  • WahooWahoo member
    Ancient Membership 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    I agree that your H needs to talk to his mother and explain the situation.  Sometimes nice people just don't "get" that there are rude, hateful family members out there.  They think everyone act like the Waltons! 

    imageEastCoastBride:

    But if after telling his mom the situation, if she's still adament - then invite your mom.  Your MIL will learn first hand the problem!  And will hopefully never want to do that again.

    This I do not agree with.  Your MIL can insist all she wants that she can invite your mom to Christmas dinner.  But YOU and your H are not required to go!!!  If after telling your MIL that you don't want to spend Christmas with your mom because she treats your husband badly or doesn't act appropriately, you are unable to change MIL's mind about the invite, then tell your MIL that she is welcome to have Christmas dinner with your mom, but that YOU and H will not be there.  Spend your first Christmas together doing something romantic - away from the drama.  Catch your MIL for Christmas morning breakfast or boxing day.

    If you go along to Christmas with your mom and MIL and WWIII occurs - don't worry about it.  If you warned MIL what your mom was like, don't try to smooth things over, and don't get caught in the drama.  Excuse yourself if you'd like, take a walk, or just sit silently.  She is MIL's guest, and an adult, and you are not responsible for her behavior.  I wouldn't even stand up for your H, because most likely your mom baits you by putting him down and ignoring him.  Tell your H that you love him, but you are not going to fight with your mom in your MILs home and add to the drama, so either your MIL or he can take care of the situation. 

     

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • wedding weekend retreat?

    anyway-your DH needs to fill his mom in on how your mom is. not you-him. then if mil still wants to invite her then let her. you dont have to attend if you dont want to.

    but i'd love some backstory on what she's said, what he's done etc... and most importantly how YOUVE responded to her when she does this to him.

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  • It's not your fault if your mother acts like an asss.

    Sometimes you just have to let people find this stuff out for themselves.

  • Thank you for your input, your comments are appreciated, and you are absolutely right!! Smile
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