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Worried about a close friend...

I am really worried about a close friend and would love any insight.

My friend (27 years old) filed for divorce 6 months ago immediately after her husband of about 1 year told her he cheated on her in a one time fling.  She and her (now ex) husband dated for about 5 years before getting married.  Less than 2 weeks after finding this out and telling him she wanted a divorce, she began dating a guy she knew just as an acquaintance previously.  Things moved extremely quickly and they are now very serious about each other.  They have been dating less than 6 months and are saying they want to be married by December of this year!  I know of many couples with successful relationships who married quickly, but is this reasonable RIGHT after a divorce?  I am worried she didn't give herself time to grieve and reevaluate what she really wants from her life.

 **My biggest concern is that she has changed so many things in her life to fit into this guy's world and meet his expectations.  She has changed her religion and political/social views, diet, and some other lifestyle choices to match his in just a matter of months.  She has also become good friends w/all his friends, and is not spending much time with old friends.

I casually mentioned to her that I felt things were moving very quickly with him, and she said she was sick of people saying that and judging their relationship, so I said no more.

I've never personally experienced divorce, and I just don't know how to make sense of this situation or best support her.  I feel that I should keep my mouth shut but I am really concerned about her recent changes and choices.  I'd love to hear your thoughts and/or advice.  TIA. 

Re: Worried about a close friend...

  • In my opinion, you should just let her be. She is a grown woman and can make her own decisions. I understand you are worried about her. Maybe you can bring up the way she has changed her political views and religion for him and that it worries you a little, but don't go beyond that unless you want to risk losing her friendship. GL!
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  • I agree - she's 27 and will make her own choices, crappy choices included.
  • Since you've already told her you think things are moving too fast and she didn't react well, I would leave her alone like a PP said. Just be there for her without "judging" her, as hard as that may be.
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  • I think there is a way you can challenge her to think about this more without judging her. Tell her first that it comes from an area of concern, validate her feelings for him but also bring up what you've noticed about her changing.Tell her you are so happy she found love after the divorce, ask her what she loves about him and get her to really think about what drew her to him (whether its needing love after a divorce or legitimate romantic love for him). 

    I know it may seem like you are risking her friendship but if she is making drastic changes about herself and you consider this a close friend then I think its coming from a good place. If you are really gentle about it at least you can be at peace that you made her think. If she overreacts then give her time to cool down and maybe she'll stay connected. I really rely on my friendships to help me grow and if you can't challenge your friends and give them honest feedback or be able to accept honest feedback from others I'm not sure it's that important of a friendship to begin with. 

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