How many of you have mothers who insist on inviting your in laws (who drive you nuts) to ALL holidays (not hosted ny me, the daughter in law) and family functions despite your requests to just leave it alone and let you schedule separate family time!? Does ur mother insist on having joint mothers and fathers days? Joint easter? Joint xmas? I'm not even hosting these events. In fact, i dont want to because I dont want the stress of having my in laws over.
My mother now emails mIL and plan things behind my back and then tells me where and when I need to show up. It is really that ridiculous. Then my mother talks about how annoying they my MIL and FIL acted at the function and we spend hours discussing it. This has become more of a dysfunctional nightmare than ever imagined. Now since Ive been forced to "merge families" everyone is in each others business and I'm the glue that binds it all together. It just seems overcomplicated and unfair to me and DH. Plus, my mother is now telling me that I need to work on my relationship with MIL who my own mother agrees can be a snide braggart who deep down dislikes me, even though she's phony on the outside. I just want to handle one set of anxiety inducing rents at a time!!!!!
I don't think this is necessary to have to have DHs parents and my parents both present at the same functions considering they didn't know each other before our marriage and don't really consider themselves friends . I feel like its my moms twisted way of spying in on my interactions with them and maintaining control of situation. I keep being told by my mother that Wanting to have separate famiky tine is me being rude and selfish and that I'm trying o make family problems. Last I checked they were my in laws not my mothers. Now my mother has set the tone and precedent rendering me quitehelpless to tactfully change anything.
My in laws, on the other hand, do not invite my parents to everything they do with their extended family. I just don't understand why my mother insists on this. It's always stressful and awkward for me to have MIL and FIL at what i feel should be my own family time and my mother will not honor my wishes. I'm starting to resent and dread all holidays. My mother will not cite a reason for insisting on doing this. None of my friends' families operate like this.
My mother insists that all of her friends invite their In laws to all functions thereby combining the families. I find this strange if the DIL is not the host. Thoughts? Please weigh in and save my sanity.