Family Matters
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Thanksgiving and dogs

A real-life case of what's allowed once becomes carte blanche:

My uncle and aunt recently moved to my parents' town.  They lived with my parents for a couple of weeks while they were waiting to close on their house.  Uncle and Aunt have two small dogs that are Aunt's babies.  Obviously, while they were living at my parents' house, the dogs had to be there, but it about drove my mother crazy.  She's never wanted pets, and the dogs peed on some of Mom's carpets.  Aunt and Uncle didn't say anything about it, but Mom could smell it.  After Uncle and Aunt moved out, Mom had all the carpets professionally cleaned.

When Aunt and Uncle showed up for Thanksgiving dinner, they had the dogs with them.  I thought my mother was going to have a heart attack when one of the dogs ran into the kitchen and made a beeline for my daughter, who was playing on the floor.  (I admit, I wasn't too thrilled about it either -- I don't mind dogs around my baby, especially because we have a dog, but I would have liked a little warning that the dog was there and loose so that I could keep an eye on them.)

My mom didn't say anything about it to them, but she was really steamed.  They didn't ask or even tell her that they wanted to bring the dogs.  Plus, they showed up two hours later than they said they would, hadn't made the dishes they said they'd make, and whipped out all the ingredients to make the dishes from scratch, delaying dinner by almost two hours, but that's a whole 'nother story....

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

Re: Thanksgiving and dogs

  • Rude. I'd never invite them to another function without first expressing in the clearest terms that perhaps Fido and Fluffy could be left at home for the evening, or other arrangements made. And I'd have a list of reputable local kennels handy to shut them up in case they trotted out the "they can't be left alone" argument.

    I happen to adore dogs, but people who treat them as though they are babies kill me. There are palces you couldn't take your kid, so why would you take your dog? Make sacrifices and stay home if you can't be parted from them. Isn't that part of parenthood?

  • Your mother is waiting around for these people, who will not stoop to clean up their animals' waste, to behave decently; she is wasting her time. Your mother needs to get some backbone and tell these people their dogs aren't welcome. If that means they won't come, I'd call that a bonus. All your mom had to do about Thursday was not let these people make the food at her house, either; saying "oh, well, we'll do without the potatoes; the turkey is ready".


  • Your mom needs to speak up next time and tell them no dogs.  My IL's used to bring their dogs to our house all the time.  At times it was fine, but there were times (like Thanksgiving) when too much was going on and having their dogs here were just too much.

    But when they showed up at my PARENTS house w/ their dogs w/o asking anyone if it was ok....  I told DH that next time they need to be told "no dogs" and ever since, they've been better about realizing that not every event is dog friendly.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • Hell, you don't even ask Can  we bring the dog. If you're not told you can, the dogs stay home.

    They sound horrifically rude and advantage taking. (and even if they brought the dogs, let them bring a crate to keep the critters in during their stay at wherever it is)

  • Oh, I totally agree that Mom should have spoken up, both about the dogs and the holding up dinner.  But she'd rather just stew about it silently.  I think, since Uncle is Dad's brother, that she feels like Dad should be the one to handle things with his family members, but Dad absolutely won't get into anything that could possibly be construed as a confrontation with his family.

    I tend to avoid extended family gatherings with Dad's side because of their odd family dynamic and trend toward drama.  When we planned this trip, Uncle and Aunt didn't live anywhere close by, and we had no idea they'd be coming until about a month before Thanksgiving -- the move was pretty sudden.  And it didn't ruin Thanksgiving or anything, just threw in a little unnecessary tension.  All the same...I'm glad we won't be there for Thanksgiving next year.

    "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • Your aunt & uncle probably thought everyone would be as thrilled to see their dogs as they were to see them!! Ha, LOL.   Yes, it is rude on their part to bring their dogs uninvited to your mom's house. Your mom will remember this next yr. and the next, and the next. 

    Not bringing the side dish is inconvenient, but bringing the ingredients & delaying the dinner is also inexcusable.  Your mom is a saint & your dad should have handled this situation.

  • It's also not so good if company dropped over and one of the drop ins was allegic to dogs or had a phobia of dogs.
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