The only real issues that my bf and I have ever had are around $. I make twice what he does. I make about 86-100K per year and he makes maybe 50K. At times I have felt he is mooching a bit. I might not mind but I have a son and I'm trying to save for college as well as my retirement. Here are the red flags main issues:
* I have taken him on 5 vacations. He has never taken me on one, not even just a night away. On the most extravagant trip we went to Key West. I knew he could not afford it so I offered to pay as I wanted to go with him. Fine. But, the entire time he did not offer to pay for a single thing. Not even a piece of key lime pie when I was digging around for my wallet in the bottom of my bag not able to find it for a few minutes. He could have just pulled out his wallet that one time.
* I had to have a medical abortion. I got pregnant but the fetus was not viable. It cost $700. I brought up the cost quite a few times and he did not offer to pay a dime. I finally had to ask him for cash.
* In our five years I have always bought tickets for concerts/shows. He never has once and when I have paid he has never offered to pay me back.
* He proposed to me on a vacation I was paying for to celebrate his 40th birthday. This just seems wrong to me.
* He has had no problems in the past with me paying for dinners out, gas, the Christmas tree. Anything really. He doesn't offer or even say I'm sorry but I can?t pay for this right now. He just goes along apparently fine with being taken care of.
* I bought a house and a car a couple years ago and his mom calls them R & M's house and car. They are not his. I put the entire deposit down and pay for each.
* I have complained for ages about the cost of cable/internet. I need the internet but not cable. I finally asked him for some extra $ and he started giving me $20 extra a month. It is still crazy expensive and not something I need any longer as I can use my droid for wireless access. He said he would put the service in his name. When I actually got the wireless going and cancelled in my name he said, I'll just use your droid access and don't really need cable. Keep in mind when everyone is using my droid it limits my use of the phone and they can only get online when I'm home. All of a sudden when I'm no longer paying regular cable and internet is not important.
There is more but these are pieces. Now the issue is he is a great, loving, sweet and nice guy and I love him. but, I know love isn't enough and I have a child to take care of and don't like to be mooched off of. I like men that take care of themselves. Would these things be deal breakers for you? Our relationship is at the point that if we don't marry we are breaking up. He is pushing to marry and I'm hesitant, in part because of these money issues. I have been married before. I know these things matter.