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Sick, going to in-laws - advice?

So DH and I have been planning to go to his sister's for Thanksgiving. She lives about 45 minutes away. They have four kids (including a 3-week old baby girl). Her husband's sister's family (including another four kids) will also be attending. My mother in law is planning to drive down for the holiday, as well.

I went to work today feeling okay but a couple hours ago, I started feeling really, really crummy. Just achey and tired, sore throat, coughing, and I'm pretty sure I'm running a fever. The work day is almost over, which is good, but I'm worried about trying to attend tomorrow. There are going to be so many people and I'm really worried about getting the baby sick, especially.

I talked to DH and he said he would understand if I had to stay home. I told him I wanted him to go, anyway, and be with the family for the day. My question is: can I stay home tomorrow or should I feel really bad about missing the day with my in-laws? If I was going to see my family, I might go even if I was sick BUT they don't have any small children for me to worry about. I know my husband isn't going to be upset and he says my mother-in-law won't be upset but I'm so worried about offending her. She's very sensitive.


Re: Sick, going to in-laws - advice?

  • i would NOT go to the home of a 3-week-old baby if i were feeling less than 100%. ?no way in hell.

    and i'm sure your MIL will understand.

    i hope you feel better, and it sucks to be sick on a holiday. ?maybe DH will bring you home a nice plate o'food.?

    <img width=100 src="">
    <a href="">[the bliz-og]</a>
  • Don't go.

    You do not want to get that baby sick.  Call you SIL and tell her you are sick, she will tell you to stay home. 

  • It isn't worth it to get a newborn sick. 

    Though I wonder why you mentioned that you would go to see your family... I assume it was just an innocent comment, but stuff like this can be very telling about what is really going on.

  • I admit that it's stressful to be around DH's family on the holidays, period. So maybe I'm secretly relieved to be feeling like crap. I was excited to go until today, for some reason. I don't know if that's because I was feeling sick or if it's something else. They make me worry about money and stuff when I'm around them and it's so not relaxing to be in that house with all of the people. And every year, I suck it up and go because I love my husband and I care deeply about his family. And I usually end up enjoying myself but I'm feeling so awful that I don't feel like I have the strength to be perky and bubbly all day tomorrow. And DH does know this. We've been married almost 3 years and it's an old fight. We've gotten very used to compromising when it comes to issues with our in-laws.

    I mentioned going to see my family if I was sick because I want to be completely honest. I really am running a fever and I really would go see my own family, if I had been planning to do so, anyway.

  • I hear what you're saying.  I'd be comfortable with tissues stuffed in my pockets, sneezing, and needing to lay down to take a nap at my own family gatherings... but at my boyfriend's family gatherings, I'd be more uncomfortable really showing my "weaker" side, ya know?  I already feel like I have enough things to be self-conscious about around them!  Also, you don't want to risk getting the 3 week old baby sick!  Rent/order some movies, and ask DH to bring you back a plate of T-giving food.  Feel better!
  • I would call your sister-in-law when you get home from work today and tell her how you're feeling, then say that although you were really looking forward to seeing everyone tomorrow, you know there's a newborn in the house and wouldn't want the baby to catch what you have. ?I did the same thing when my friend brought home her new baby- I really wanted to go, but was feeling sick, so called and told her and she completely understood, thanked me, and I promised to come see the baby when I was better and I did. ?And as it turns out it was a good thing I did- I ended up having strep, a sinus infection, and an ear infection, imagine bringing all that around a newborn. ?It really is better safe than sorry.

    The key, though, is for you to say something directly to the hostess as soon as you know rather than sending your regrets through your husband. ?Not insinuating that you secretly don't want to go or that she would take it that way, but it could be taken poorly if it doesn't come from you. ??

    Then after you call, lay down, drink some juice, and concentrate on feeling better! Get well soon!?

  • Thanks for the advice, guys. I'm staying home. That was definitely what my instincts were telling me but I really appreciate the back up. I'll call SIL tonight. :) Happy Thanksgiving!
  • I hope that you feel better! ?It stinks to miss Thanksgiving, but at least you have a four day weekend to recuperate. ?Have your husband pick up some flowers or wine to take, and he can say that it's from you and that you send your best wishes. ?
  • Trust me, your MIL will be more sensitive about her new grandchild ending up in the ER, which is where a 3 week old who gets a fever ends up.

    You need to be fever-free for 24 hours.  If I were you, I'd stay home.  If your MIL can't understand that your doing so is the best thing for everyone, that's her problem.

    I hope you feel better soon!

  • As a recent mother of a newborn- Thank you for not attending!  My FIL wanted to visit our 9 day old while sick and it was some what of a stink when we asked him to leave.  If there weren't newborns or children, then perhaps visiting would be okay (i.e for your family).  But, as other pps said, a sick newborn is a very serious thing.  We know people (not directly- through someone else) who lost their 2 month old to a cold turned pneumonia.  Very very sad.
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