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hrmm ... interesting advice from the church

I'm not quite sure what to say to this.  There is supposedly a man drought, so they aren't wrong there ...

 http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/newshome/13616979/women-too-picky-on-mates-catholic-church/

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Re: hrmm ... interesting advice from the church

  • I heard about this on the radio this afternoon

    I think it's dangerous and a bit sad to tell people to 'settle', how do you end up happy in life if you know you aren't with the love of your life? I just can't see a marriage like that working.....

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  • I think the Catholic church should worry more about the gays, single dads, those shackin' up and those earning less than $60k per year (WTF?) than how/when women choose their mates. 

    Stick to what you know best, KWIM? 

    They can't very well let the eternal damnation of these lost souls happen without a public shaming first!

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  • [email protected] wise rita
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    Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
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  • I really don't like the Catholic church. 86,000 men? Come on.
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  • image AmericanInOz:

    I heard about this on the radio this afternoon

    I think it's dangerous and a bit sad to tell people to 'settle', how do you end up happy in life if you know you aren't with the love of your life? I just can't see a marriage like that working.....

    Catholic Church aside, I don't think this comment is true. I actually think many people might end up more content if they believe from the get-go that this person is not perfect, not their "soulmate," but someone they can get along well with and love (if not the head-over-heels, butterflies-in-the-stomach kind of love, then a calmer kind). I think too many people go into marriage with the "love of my life" illusion, equating that with the fluttery feelings new love has. Then, when things settle down, "the spark has gone out of the marriage" and that's suddenly a reason for divorce. I don't know. We've discussed it on here before, and I know others have different opinions, but I don't think the principle of "settling"  - as defined by not waiting for someone who makes your palms sweat like you're 13 again and can keep that feeling going for months/years - isn't necessarily bad. I haven't read the article, but it sounds like the Church's reasoning is pretty crappy, though.

    [IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/124ygoz.jpg[/IMG]


    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP



    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d


    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

    <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3a75f6">BFP Chart</a>
  • As someone who got married at 38, I can state that I am happy I waited for a person who fit me well at the right time of my life.  Did I date a bunch of people who could have potentially made me happy?  Heck yeah, but probably not at THAT moment.  I have a few friends who did settle in order to have kids before they were 35 and they are divorced - they have the kids they wanted, but now struggle due to having kids, less money and not a lot of dating options.  It's sad. 

    I also think that there is no such thing as the love of one's life - I think there can be many and it really depends on how you interpret those words...but I think first and foremost you have to find someone who is like a best friend, that you can communicate with, struggle with, and who shares basic values with you and makes you feel like a better person when you are with them.

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  • image kelly321:

    Catholic Church aside, I don't think this comment is true. I actually think many people might end up more content if they believe from the get-go that this person is not perfect, not their "soulmate," but someone they can get along well with and love (if not the head-over-heels, butterflies-in-the-stomach kind of love, then a calmer kind). I think too many people go into marriage with the "love of my life" illusion, equating that with the fluttery feelings new love has. Then, when things settle down, "the spark has gone out of the marriage" and that's suddenly a reason for divorce. I don't know. We've discussed it on here before, and I know others have different opinions, but I don't think the principle of "settling"  - as defined by not waiting for someone who makes your palms sweat like you're 13 again and can keep that feeling going for months/years - isn't necessarily bad. I haven't read the article, but it sounds like the Church's reasoning is pretty crappy, though.

    I apparently agree with everything you say today :)

  • image myblueangel19:
    image kelly321:

    Catholic Church aside, I don't think this comment is true. I actually think many people might end up more content if they believe from the get-go that this person is not perfect, not their "soulmate," but someone they can get along well with and love (if not the head-over-heels, butterflies-in-the-stomach kind of love, then a calmer kind). I think too many people go into marriage with the "love of my life" illusion, equating that with the fluttery feelings new love has. Then, when things settle down, "the spark has gone out of the marriage" and that's suddenly a reason for divorce. I don't know. We've discussed it on here before, and I know others have different opinions, but I don't think the principle of "settling"  - as defined by not waiting for someone who makes your palms sweat like you're 13 again and can keep that feeling going for months/years - isn't necessarily bad. I haven't read the article, but it sounds like the Church's reasoning is pretty crappy, though.

    I apparently agree with everything you say today :)

    Yes  I had a day like that with Gilly a few weeks ago. It's nice that there's a lot of like-mindedness on this board and yet enough difference to get good debates going.

    [IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/124ygoz.jpg[/IMG]


    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP



    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d


    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

    <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3a75f6">BFP Chart</a>
  • I agree with you 100% kelly

    that you can't expect a marriage to be all sunshine & roses, and you will go through rough patches, and a normal marriage does not remain exciting indefinitely - and I agree that is not a reason for divorce

     but I think a marriage settling down and settling for a man are different things

    I had a few boyfriends through school/college who I just couldn't see myself with long term for a number of reasons - when I met dh we just became best friends and I knew that even in the rough patches we'd still want to be together.

    But I do agree that waiting for a man to fit 100 things you want isn't a good idea, however I wasn't willing to settle for a man who I didn't love and want to be with for the rest of my life either..... (and I know he's not perfect and neither am I :)

     

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  • GilliCGilliC member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    I'm clearly not an advocate for settling anymore. I spent 8 years with XH, and through most of it I kept telling myself that "Marriage is something you have to work on. Too many people give up on a viable marriage."

    Sunday afternoon I ended up sobbing in bed, because something reminded me of a recurring episode from ca. our second year, and I remembered how absolutely miserable I felt, and how I don't want to ever feel like that again.

    XH is a great guy and definitely settle-able. But he was not the right kind of guy for me, and it took me 8 years to figure that out. I don't regret it, and I learned a lot, but I also wish I didn't have to go through all those really bad times, of which I haven't had any in the last year (aside from those caused by my mother; someone teach me how to settle for the mother I got).

    So yeah, I don't think anyone should expect their partner to be perfect, but I also don't think you should be too quick to settle. And as for "marrying early?" Psh.No. The biggest problem with our marriage was that although I was a mature adult at 24, I wasn't done figuring out who I am. And the changes that happened over the next five years were a leading factor in our decision that maybe it was time to throw in the towel and start looking for a better match.

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