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Getting Married

I'm currently in the Marine Corps and so is my BF. We are currently in training and will be finishing soon. My question is what all do we need to do in regards to getting married, like paperwork wise, pcs'ing, bah. Curious as to how it all works.

 Greatly appreciates any feedback in advance!

 Thx!?? 

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Re: Getting Married

  • My feedback is to wait until you're out of training and know the answers to all this stuff before you get married.  It's not hard to figure out when you're actually in the operational military.
    Twin boys due 7/25/12
  • So you guys are in MOS school together? How did you meet? At school? Please, please do yourself a favor and wait. I know you're worried you won't get stationed the same place and think that marriage is a fix for that. It's not. You will rob yourselves both of the junior enlisted experience that you should have, which is roommates, barracks living, hang outs in the barrack smoke pits, etc. Do you have any NCO instructors that you trust? Ask them if they think it's a good idea. I have seen so, so many marriages fail. Try it without getting married, if it's successful, then it was meant to be.

     

    I've seen a lot of military surprise homecomings. It wouldn't work on me. I always have my back to the corner and my face to the door. Looking for terrorists, criminals, various other threats, and husbands.
  • After clicking through your old posts, it appears you were previously married and TTC with him in the fall of 2010.  TTC, a divorce, and enlisting are all huge changes in a very short amount of time.  I'd really urge you to wait until you've got some time in the service and had some time to just be you and be alone before you commit to marrying someone new.
    Twin boys due 7/25/12
  • image MrsOjoButtons:
    After clicking through your old posts, it appears you were previously married and TTC with him in the fall of 2010.  TTC, a divorce, and enlisting are all huge changes in a very short amount of time.  I'd really urge you to wait until you've got some time in the service and had some time to just be you and be alone before you commit to marrying someone new.

     

    Cosigned. Being married =/= being together. (It seems so obvious but it's the number one reason I hear Military couples wanting to rush to get married). H and I dated for 8 years, married for 1 year. Living together for 9 months and have yet to spend more than 3 weeks actually together. 

    I want the COOOOOKIE!
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  • Every. Single. Person I know who entered into a relationship with someone while we were in Basic and AIT broke up with in the following year.  Two couples in my class broke orders specifically stating they were not allowed to get married while in training thinking that would get them stationed together.  One couple ended up with one of them in Germany and the other in NY. They were divorced 6 months later.  The other couple both went to Korea, but were divorced 8 months later.  I'm sure any number of us could tell you story after story just like this. 

    When you are in a training situation and isolated from the outside world, you will find yourself attracted to people.  Those people seem awesome at that time.  Once you are outside of that isolation, that person is different.  You are different.  You start seeing each other for what you really are.  Don't rush marriage right now.  If it's meant to be, it will works it's self out. 

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  • You want more info... be REALLY overt with your relationship and just ask your cadre what to do with your favorite frat flavor of the month. 

     I am sure they will help you fill out lots and lots of paperwork to formalize your Trainee Lovefest... 

  • I should have clarified from the get go, but I have never been married, divorce, or TTC. I frequented the message boards a lot back then on various topics just out of coureosity, but was not actually going through any of those things. 

     Also, I should have clarified that my BF and I are officers in the military and are currently finishing our training and headed to MOS school soon. He finishes about a month and a half before, and he will will actually find out in the next few weeks what MOS he will have and possibly where he will PSC to. Right now, we are just trying to gather info on what you do once you get married, being a dual active duty couple in the military. We want to know what measures to take early on, so come time that we actually do tie the knot we won't be lost in the sauce. 

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  • image WishIcouldbeinthe'stan:

    So you guys are in MOS school together? How did you meet? At school? Please, please do yourself a favor and wait. I know you're worried you won't get stationed the same place and think that marriage is a fix for that. It's not. You will rob yourselves both of the junior enlisted experience that you should have, which is roommates, barracks living, hang outs in the barrack smoke pits, etc. Do you have any NCO instructors that you trust? Ask them if they think it's a good idea. I have seen so, so many marriages fail. Try it without getting married, if it's successful, then it was meant to be.

     

     We're not enlisted, we are officers and in our mid-twenties. We are not the typical 18-19 enlisted kids that are rushing into marriage, because one of us is about to deploy. We simply are planning for the future and seeking info early. I've seen several of my peers go through the process and it always seems like such a headache, because of poor planning on their part, so we are trying to avoid the headache. Also, I don't know many dual active duty couples, on the enlisted or officers side, so yet another reason I'm seeking insight into how everything played out for them. 

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  • Ah. See. Information up front is helpful. No one (that I'm aware of) on this board can read minds. When we dont have to guess about facts we can give better advice.

    So when are you planning on getting married then? 

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  • How long have you guys been together? If it's not that long, I'd still say wait, because it's not a magic co-locator pill, officer or not. Good friends of ours are dual military, have been married since July. She's in OR, he's in LA and they will remain this way until the end of this summer when they rotate. And she had to rerack her entire dream sheet (and therefore, her promotability) to get them in the same city. 
    image
  • Being an officer in training you should be intelligent enough to figure out that you have to obtain a marriage license, become legally married, present your signed marriage certificate to the personnel office for a personnel action to change your name and get a new ID card. You will then have to request joint domicile and if your MOSs are complimentary to joint assignment your branch MAY entertain the idea of giving you orders to the same duty station. However, its not their job to make your marriage work, so set yourself up for a no - if you get a yes then you're set.

    but don't take my word for it - I'm just an Enlisted service member and cannot be trusted with any type of important task/ valued information. Actually its probably better you didn't ask an enlisted member - they would have told you to Google it and doubted your ability to figure out the simplest of tasks.

     

    ETA: this was super super hard to find... I googled "dual military couples" and magically this article came up. Read it. http://usmilitary.about.com/od/army/a/dualmilitary.htm

  • image ARMYmarriedNAVY:

    You want more info... be REALLY overt with your relationship and just ask your cadre what to do with your favorite frat flavor of the month. 

     I am sure they will help you fill out lots and lots of paperwork to formalize your Trainee Lovefest... 

    And on goes the Drill Sergeant hat.  I love it!

    [IMG]http://i42.tinypic.com/160yf86.jpg[/IMG]

    <a href="https://sites.google.com/site/milnestfaq/" target="_blank" title="Military Newlyweds FAQ"><img src="http://tinyurl.com/ya7ofn4" alt="Military Newlyweds FAQ Button" height=86 width=108></a>
  • image perfectcharms:
    image WishIcouldbeinthe'stan:

    So you guys are in MOS school together? How did you meet? At school? Please, please do yourself a favor and wait. I know you're worried you won't get stationed the same place and think that marriage is a fix for that. It's not. You will rob yourselves both of the junior enlisted experience that you should have, which is roommates, barracks living, hang outs in the barrack smoke pits, etc. Do you have any NCO instructors that you trust? Ask them if they think it's a good idea. I have seen so, so many marriages fail. Try it without getting married, if it's successful, then it was meant to be.

     

     We're not enlisted, we are officers and in our mid-twenties. We are not the typical 18-19 enlisted kids that are rushing into marriage, because one of us is about to deploy. We simply are planning for the future and seeking info early. I've seen several of my peers go through the process and it always seems like such a headache, because of poor planning on their part, so we are trying to avoid the headache. Also, I don't know many dual active duty couples, on the enlisted or officers side, so yet another reason I'm seeking insight into how everything played out for them. 

    Look you don't have to get upset.  This is what happens when you are vague and don't give all the info.  We can only go off what you give us.  We have a lot of AD military on here, both Enlisted and Officer, along with many spouses of AD military.  We all respect everyone here, no matter who they are,

    I think pretty much every process in the military can be a headache, some are just bigger headaches than others.  But basically, you get your wedding license, get married (take leave if you need to), then you go to finance & IPAC and do all the stuff that non dual military do.  Go to housing if you want base housing, tell your commands, I guess even talk to your monitor about locations if you can.  But be very prepare to rarely get a chance to live together.  We have known a handful of dual military in the Marines, and only one couple have had a chance to live together for 3-4 years, one year was EWS and a summer of teaching at OCS, and then they were stationed at Quantico for 3 years.  The others are two ships passing in the night, or are on two sides of the country or world. 

    I guess I'm trying to figure out how this can be such a headache.  The biggest headache we had was that the ID office told us that they needed our marriage license, after we handed it to them.  We had to explain that our state has it all on one document, license and certificate.  They tried to tell us, that wouldn't work.  We told them, well that's all they gave us so you have to take it.  They finally took it after a bunch of hemming and hawwing.

    Dh's XO got married to another Marine recently and she didn't talk about any headaches.  Her biggest headache had nothing to do with the Marines.  She needed a certified copy of her birth cert, and her home state put the wrong year on it, this was just days before she was suppose to get married.  Luckily, the county was nice enough to believe all her other documents proving her birthday.  She never mentioned having to deal with any other problems, especially with the Marines.

    ETA- I also agree on waiting to get married.  You are both training.  Dh says the training part of the USMC is different than the fleet.  Get with the fleet, and learn and see how it functions.  I get that you are trying to educate yourself, but do yourself a favor and take it easy.   

     

  • image perfectcharms:
     

    I've seen several of my peers go through the process

     

    Also, I don't know many dual active duty couples

    So,  you know several people that went through the process....but you don't.  Whatevs.  Get married, bring the license to whatever you call your personnel office.  They'll update your DEERS and tell you how to update your SGLI (you can take out life insurance policies on each other for $5/mo if you opt in).  They will ask you about your Join Spouse preference (I know the other services call it different stuff, but you'll have to deal with my AF terminology).  You can ask to be considered for joint PCSs, including or not including short tours, at least on the enlisted side.  Not sure about the Os.

    Then they might tell you to go to Finance, depending on the situation.  Neither of you will qualify for dependent rate BAH since neither of you is a dependent (unless one of you has kids, but then you'd already be getting the dependent rate).  If you want a house on base together, go to housing. 

    Be sure to update your vRED, Military Locator Cards, SGLI recipients, and your wills/medical directives.  TO BE VERY CLEAR THOUGH,  all these things can be accomplished without a marriage license.  You don't have to be married to someone to designate them as the beneficiaries of your SGLI or estate, nor do you have to be married to be named as a power of attorney.  Perhaps you should update all those things before you get married.

    Walla.  You can do all that in less than an afternoon.   They might even have a checklist for you.  I will maintain, however, that these things make more sense and aren't nearly as confusing as you're making them out to be once you get into the real military.

    Twin boys due 7/25/12
  • Did you meet in OCS or TBS? My advice is still the same. I know lots of Marine Corps Officers, and most of the ones who met and married during TBS ended up divorced, even with co-location. 

    Ductus exemplo you know? Would you advise your Marines to get married to someone they met in training? Getting married because of an impending deployment is no worse than getting married for co-location. 

    Either way, I wish you the best. As far as BAH goes, since you'll both rate your own, that won't change until you have children, and then the higher ranking member gets dependent rate. Depending on where you get stationed, the housing situations are different. If you end up at MCBCP, I would advise living off base. 

    I've seen a lot of military surprise homecomings. It wouldn't work on me. I always have my back to the corner and my face to the door. Looking for terrorists, criminals, various other threats, and husbands.
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