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Groom's Parents not coming?

My fiance and I just got engaged. His family is very spread out in the Northeast portion of America (where he is currently living) while mine is bunched in Central Texas. Both my fiance and I have family who is unable to travel for various reasons so it was suggested we have one wedding in Texas and another in West Virginia where most of his family and friends lives. This isn't the part that concerns me. I am okay with having two weddings so all our family can see us get married. The part that concerns me is that my fiance's parents are refusing to come to the original wedding to be there for my fiance so he won't have really anyone at our wedding who he is friends or family with. I know he is upset because it will just be my family and friends at our wedding because most of his friends live in West Virginia also. His family is able to come down but, just don't want to. What do I do? A lot of times when I try to talk to them it turns into a confrontation and I do not want to upset anyone. I just want my fiance's family there to see us wed and support him so he doesn't feel like he's all alone having to get ready before the wedding. What do I do? 

Re: Groom's Parents not coming?

  • You do nothing.

    You listen to him complain if he wants but you do nothing.



  • I agree with Mags. You should not talk to his family about this, especially if in the past talking to them has not gone well.

    If you're having two ceremonies anyway, they'll all be at one of them, right? It is just that the first one is the one that is far away from them? Why would they go to two, anyway? It does not make sense to me. 

    My H didn't have anyone get ready with him. He just had to put on a tux. Then he went to the reception venue and hung out with people until it was time for the ceremony to start. It'll be fine.

    [IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/rkd75g.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i41.tinypic.com/23r1e34.jpg[/IMG]
  • What is the point of having two weddings if you expect people to travel to be at both?
  • You can't have two weddings. You can have one wedding and a Pretend Pretty Princess Day but unless you're planning to divorce or get an annulment between the two, you can only get married once.

    Why don't you have your wedding wherever and then have a party at the other place?

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • image SirSleepsALot:
    What is the point of having two weddings if you expect people to travel to be at both?

    That's what I'm wondering too. I feel like I'm missing something.

    image
  • Yes
    image SirSleepsALot:
    What is the point of having two weddings if you expect people to travel to be at both?
    Anniversary Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • It's not unusual to have your ceremony and reception in one area and then travel to have another reception in another area for those who couldn't make it to the first.  The issue is that his parents say they won't come to his wedding if it's in Texas  Will they really not come or are they just saying that in order to get their way and have the wedding in West Virginia?  I bet that's what's happening here. 

    Either way, there's nothing you can do about.  Let your FI vent, be supportive and listen.  Don't confront this issue with his parents.  If it just comes up with them, just say that you're sorry they won't make it but you understand. 

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  • what do you want to do? some how magically convince them to come to both weddings (or-more appropriately-a wedding/reception and then party in the other area-you only get ONE wedding)? if they said no to the TX wedding then it's no. you and FI have a choice here. If you choose to do one in TX and one in WV then that's fine but you cannot expect the same guests at each-clearly, as they've already said they won't do it. let them attend the party in WV and be done iwth it. you've invited, they've declined. end of story.

    and WV is northeast? no.

    Friday, December 28 2012. The day I had emergency appendix surgery in Mexico and quit smoking. Proof that everything has a good side!! DH and I are happily child-free!! No due date or toddler tickers here!! my read shelf:
    Alison's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf) 
  • The thought of two weddings makes my head hurt.  You don't get two weddings.  You get married, and then you get to have a second party if you want that.

    Are you going to invite the same people to each event?  Even if you don't expect them to be able to make it?  It would be incredibly rude for you not to since you're essentially saying the people invited to the second party aren't important enough to be invited to the wedding.  Which you only get to have once.  One wedding.  Can I stress that enough?  One.

    Are you going to have two different ceremonies?

    Are you going to wear your wedding dress?

    Do you expect to get wedding gifts from people who weren't invited to the wedding?

    What color is your sky?

    image
  • Well, the first wedding is the only one where people will actually see you get married. The second ceremony will be fake.

    But anyway, it sounds like you scheduled the Texas wedding and the West Virginia fake wedding so that both families could attend, no? Sounds like his family is doing exactly what was intended ... they're attending the event that's in their area. It doesn't make any sense to say, "We planned two weddings so that everyone could conveniently attend, but now I'm mad that his family's not traveling for the real wedding!" So WTF is the point of the West Virginia event, then? Wasn't the West Virginia event planned so that his family could be there?

    Your options are:

    1. Cancel the second fake wedding. Have ONE wedding in either Texas, West Virginia, or a neutral location. Whoever makes it, makes it. Then maybe hold an at-home reception in the other location for those who were unable to come.

    2. Go on with your current plans, and say nothing to his family. It's an invitation, not a subpoena ... they have the right to decline an invitation. You don't have the right to tell them to be there. If you have the means to pay for all their travel and accommodations expenses for the Texas wedding then you can certainly make that offer, but otherwise keep your mouth shut.

     

    Your FI dressing himself alone is really not that big a deal. I would think he does it every day, right? If he was REALLY that upset by this situation I would hope that he'd come to you and say, "Honey, I'm really upset that my family won't be there. I think we should talk about making other plans so that they can attend." If he hasn't said anything about it, then he either doesn't care or he's too timid to say anything about it.

    image
  • There is no such thing as two weddings for married couples. At best, it is one wedding and one vowel renewal ceremony. Which seems very AW to me. A reasonable plan is one wedding with reception and then another reception/party at a different location/date.

    And you send invitations, not supeonas. While you think it's shocking that they are skipping their son's big day, they have every right to decide for themselves and decline. You can't make people come to your wedding and it is wrong to guilt them into it. Stop it.

    Maybe money is an issue. Your FI could offer to pay for their trip and hotel. But if they decline that, then stop aggrevating yourself.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • image livinitup:

    There is no such thing as two weddings for married couples. At best, it is one wedding and one vowel renewal ceremony. Which seems very AW to me. A reasonable plan is one wedding with reception and then another reception/party at a different location/date.

    And you send invitations, not supeonas. While you think it's shocking that they are skipping their son's big day, they have every right to decide for themselves and decline. You can't make people come to your wedding and it is wrong to guilt them into it. Stop it.

    Maybe money is an issue. Your FI could offer to pay for their trip and hotel. But if they decline that, then stop aggrevating yourself.

    Vow renewal.

    image Visit The Nest! Love to scrapbook!
  • You do nothing, at least not in relation to his family.  You listen to your FI and support him in any way he needs.  You are happy about the family and friends (I've got to think he has some friends where you are, right?  They're not all "back home", are they?) you do have nearby.

    My ILs threatened not to come to our wedding, and it had nothing to do with distance...they lived 20 minutes away, closer than anyone other than DH and myself.  They simply didn't want us to get married (I wasn't the "right" religion, but that's a subject for another post).  We simply told them "we're sorry to hear you might not be there to celebrate with us" and kept on with the plans we wanted to make.  We were polite, but didn't let them dictate what we, as adults, should do as far as getting married (and FWIW, I'm with the PPs...you only get one wedding, anything else is just a party to perhaps celebrate with those who couldn't be there, but honestly...we all had guests who couldn't make it, and we just realized that's the nature of the beast and moved on without planning a second party).

    They showed up.  They acted appropriately.  I've been married to their son for almost 11 years now and not only is it forgotten, I'm pretty sure they actually like me.  But even if they hadn't come, nothing would be significantly different.  DH and I would still be married, still have our family, and we'd have dealt with whatever happened with his parents because we'd realize that it was *their* choice and does not reflect on us at all.  Their loss, not ours. 

  • Elope and wear pretty dresses while you go grocery shopping.
    [IMG]http://i1147.photobucket.com/albums/o553/pickle_chickle/dill.jpg[/IMG]
  • this one really made me laugh. Thank you for making me feel better. I don't know you but, you're awesome. 
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