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Letting relatives live with you

I lurk here a lot, but thought I would ask a question regarding a situation that has come up recently.

My 32 year old BIL is not the most responsible man I know, but is generally a good person. He and his girlfriend are looking for a place to live but due to credit problems, they have been unable to find an apartment or lease a house.  My husband and I have talked about letting them move in with us temporarily under specific guidelines.  We own our own house, have a spare bedroom, BUT, we only have one bathroom.

Here are our guidelines:

~3 months maximum

~Must pay $300 rent and help out with utilities and the grocery bill.

~If they want to smoke, must do it far away from the house (we live on 1/4 acre so this shouldn't be a problem)

~No excessive drinking.  A few beers or a glass of wine is fine, but we have 2 young children.

~Must help keep shared living areas neat, IE: Kitchen, bathroom, living room.

~No excessive noise: I am in school FT and need to concentrate on my studies

My question to you is: Does this sound reasonable? Is there something you would change if you were in my shoes?

Thank You!

 

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Re: Letting relatives live with you

  • Why three months? Would that realistically change their situation? Would that get them an apartment of their own to rent? What happens after three months and they have no place to go? Are you comfortable giving them the heave ho? If not, don't even open this pandoras box.  

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  • I don't think I would do it. You have two kids and you and your H and only one bathroom? I would not want to bring two more adults into that.

    However, you know your BIL and I don't. If they will for sure get out in three months and honor all of the rules, I think you had good rules. I still would not do it myself though. 

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  • image +SMACE+:

    Why three months? Would that realistically change their situation? Would that get them an apartment of their own to rent? What happens after three months and they have no place to go? Are you comfortable giving them the heave ho? If not, don't even open this pandoras box.  

    BIL is in a time crunch to move out of his current place and hasn't had a ton of time to look for one.  We are hoping that 3 months will give him sufficient time to find a place that will take him with his credit or he will find someone to cosign for him. Also there is a possibility of a room opening up at a friends house where he has lived before.  To answer your question, Yes, both DH and I are comfortable giving him the heave ho if needed, this was also discussed between the two of us.

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  • Personally just my opinion I think the rules are good and fair but I would say I don't know if i could do it if I were in your shoes. That is a lot of people for one bathroom. 
  • I wouldn't do it, personally. 

    However if you do, get that list signed by BIL and GF that they understand the rules and that they are out like trout in 90 days.  

    I think your rules are fair, but should be more specific as to utilities and such.  

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  • If you are going to let them move in, then I think the rules are fair. Definitely get them to sign a paper with this, and make sure you are comfortable kicking them out by the 90-day mark if they haven't gotten their act together.

     

    However, the fact that you would need to set some of these specific rules makes mr think that this might not be a good idea. And in general, I think it's a bad idea for a married couple to take on even a reliable, cooperative roommate. Never mind two roommates who are questionable.

    image
  • I do not think it is a good idea. We see over and over on this page that this leads to nothing but trouble.

    i also think some of your rules are too vague ex...excessive drinking...to me more than 2 is excessive  to them it may be 5...

    help out with groceries and utilities is also vague



  • Nope wouldnt do it...that is another sexually active adult couple living in the house that may not be as careful as you are around your children. Plus one bathroom? Are you ok with DH accidentally walking in on BIL's GF? All I see are problems with that situation. Where are your DH parents or GF parents? Cant they take them in?

     

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  • image magsugar13:

    I do not think it is a good idea. We see over and over on this page that this leads to nothing but trouble.

    i also think some of your rules are too vague ex...excessive drinking...to me more than 2 is excessive  to them it may be 5...

    help out with groceries and utilities is also vague

    Yep you are a bit vague.  What does helping out with groceries and utilities mean to you ?  If you have an idea write it down because I can almost guarantee they will have a different idea of what " helping out" means. 

    Personally, I wouldn't do it.  On these boards I have seen too many familial relationships ruined by these kind of situations. 

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    Honestly, if I had to make rules that included "no smoking in my house / around my kids" and "no excessive drinking around my kids." - a considerate person (people) do not need those kinds of rules, which says to me your BIL isn't THAT good of a guy.  I would never make a rule like that for my sister - it wouldn't occur to me that she would get loaded in my house!  And I agree, you would need to include a rule like "no noisy sex" and "no sex anywhere but your bedroom with the doors closed."  Geez!

    Also, when you include the bathroom and the fact that you need to study - - IMO you will get cabin fever and go stir crazy before 90 days are up. 

    Let them rent an extended stay hotel room.  Really, if he is old enough to live with his girlfriend, he is old enough to find solutions to his own housing problems.  Maybe they can commute for a while until he finds a place.  Maybe he can clean up his credit. 

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  • Yeah- I"m in the "no" camp.  Your rules are too vague, and as said - some of your rules make me go "huh?".  Either you need the rules (drinking, smoking, and maybe even the excessive noise) because you know there will be issues, OR, you're too controlling.  Neither situation bodes well.
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  • their awful credit (and both of them, not them as a couple) should be a HUGE HUGE HUGE red flag for you. i would't go near this. once you let them in who's to say it would only be for 3 months? have you researched the eviction process in your area? it can take months and years to get people out.

    if you want to help them out gift or loan them $, but dont let them live with you. it has disaster written all over it.

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  • I wouldn't do it for one reason: how will living with you improve their financial/credit situation? In three months, how will their credit have improved that they are able to get their own place?

    Maybe if it was BIL only, with an actual plan to improve his situation.

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  • Honestly, I would avoid letting anyone live with us at all costs.  Unless it's a formal leasing of a room with a signed contract (even then it can get awkward) it's just not a great idea IMO, especially with children in the home.  

    I think the fact that you have to outline smoking/drinking/noise rules says a lot too.  For them to have SUCH bad credit that they can't rent an apartment what makes you think that in 3 months they'll be able to find a place?  Will you really be able to kick them out of the house if they have nowhere else to go?  I can just see them getting comfortable, asking for more time, and before you know it it's been a year and you practically have 2 more adult children.

    I'm a little biased though.  I know a few people who fall under some of the descriptions you listed and they're people I would never ever offer a room in our home to or I'd be stuck with them. 

  • I'm sorry to say, but I think this is probably a disaster waiting to happen... on all fronts.

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  • Without having to hear/read any details, my answer will always be no.  These things very rarely turn out well.  If it were a detached person from you (stranger, random tenant, etc) then I would say it *could* work, but family always gets sticky.  People tend to over stay their welcome, abuse privledges, take advantage, don't acknowledge rules and tend to lean on you.

    That said, what would you do if the 3-month time limit has expired??  Are you ready to be *that* person & kick out your family if it comes down to it?

    Also, after seeing the details listed - I agree w/the majority in saying that ONE bathroom seems highly unreasonable to comfortably accommodate everyone.  Especially, considering that you have 2 children.  To me, there will never be "enough" space to house my family/friends, but realistically speaking, it doesn't seem like your house has adequate space to add-on more people.

  • Have they even asked? Sometimes it's better to let adults work out their own problems before you start setting up solutions for them. If they don't approach you, this will forever be " well I didn't ASK you to do this. And I paid rent." Me- I'd let them store their stuff in my spare room for three months and invite them to Sunday dinner. And feel generous.
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  • image Bella Vita:

    I'm sorry to say, but I think this is probably a disaster waiting to happen... on all fronts.

     * B *

    I completely agree. These things almost always end violently. If you value your relationship with them, don't let them move in.

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  • Seems like trouble waiting to happen.
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