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Would you ever marry someone without having sex first?

2

Re: Would you ever marry someone without having sex first?

  • image meggers5:
    image honey&badger:

    image meggers5:
    No. No no no. And I wouldn't even date someone who didn't give it up easily.

    Crying 

    Does this make me suck? I have no judgment about what others choose to do, but waiting is not something I would do. I think physical intimacy is so important in a relationship, and that it is best acheived through sex.

    It doesn't make you suck.  I just take the opposite view that the commitment and bonds of marriage are so important in what sex should be that it should be reserved for that.  But that's a Biblical view and obviously not everyone holds to the Bible.

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  • image misoangry:
    image msmerymac:

    Given the make up of this board, I'm surprised only 15% of people have said yes so far.

    Why?

    IIRC, a very high percentage of regular posters here have only had sex with their spouse. From that, I extrapolated that having sex with someone was a very serious thing to them, and they might want to wait to have sex after marriage when the relationship would be less likely to end.

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  • Sex is a really important part of intimacy and I could not leave that part up to chance before making a lifelong committment.  I do understand that sex between two people can improve over time, but you can't create sexual compatibility.  It's either there or it's not. 

    I also would not want to be with someone who either took sex too seriously (as in, waiting until marriage or a really long time to do it) or did not take it seriously enough (as in, treating it like a fricking handshake). 

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  • LOL. Pertaining to premarital sex, my mom always said "You try your shoes on before you buy them, right?"
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  • image msmerymac:
    image misoangry:
    image msmerymac:

    Given the make up of this board, I'm surprised only 15% of people have said yes so far.

    Why?

    IIRC, a very high percentage of regular posters here have only had sex with their spouse. From that, I extrapolated that having sex with someone was a very serious thing to them, and they might want to wait to have sex after marriage when the relationship would be less likely to end.

    You are failing to account for the people who have only had sex with their spouses but did so before getting married.

  • I wouldn't.  I dated a man with an extremely small penis once.  That makes me a horrible person doesn't it?

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  • image StatlerWaldorf:

    I wouldn't.  I dated a man with an extremely small penis once.  That makes me a horrible person doesn't it?

    No.

    That makes him a pencildick.

  • image misoangry:
    image msmerymac:
    image misoangry:
    image msmerymac:

    Given the make up of this board, I'm surprised only 15% of people have said yes so far.

    Why?

    IIRC, a very high percentage of regular posters here have only had sex with their spouse. From that, I extrapolated that having sex with someone was a very serious thing to them, and they might want to wait to have sex after marriage when the relationship would be less likely to end.

    You are failing to account for the people who have only had sex with their spouses but did so before getting married.

    No. I never said I thought that ALL the people who had ONLY had sex with their husband waited until marriage. But something like 40%+ of people who responded to that poll had only had sex with their husband. I just found that to be highly unusual. I do remember some people said they were high school or college sweethearts, so they just never had/wanted the opportunity to have sex with someone else. I just expected more of them to have intentionally waited until marriage. My mistake.

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  • image ESF1:
    image 3.27.04_Helper:
    image ESF1:

    I guess maybe if I was widowed and 90 and our bits didn't work very well anymore.

     

    STDs are rampant in the nursing homes.


    If I've made it to age 90, I'm sure as hell not about to let syphillis be what kills me.

     

     

    Dead. 

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  • image msmerymac:
    image misoangry:
    image msmerymac:
    image misoangry:
    image msmerymac:

    Given the make up of this board, I'm surprised only 15% of people have said yes so far.

    Why?

    IIRC, a very high percentage of regular posters here have only had sex with their spouse. From that, I extrapolated that having sex with someone was a very serious thing to them, and they might want to wait to have sex after marriage when the relationship would be less likely to end.

    You are failing to account for the people who have only had sex with their spouses but did so before getting married.

    No. I never said I thought that ALL the people who had ONLY had sex with their husband waited until marriage. But something like 40%+ of people who responded to that poll had only had sex with their husband. I just found that to be highly unusual. I do remember some people said they were high school or college sweethearts, so they just never had/wanted the opportunity to have sex with someone else. I just expected more of them to have intentionally waited until marriage. My mistake.

    I would love to see this 40% figure.

  • image misoangry:
    image StatlerWaldorf:

    I wouldn't.  I dated a man with an extremely small penis once.  That makes me a horrible person doesn't it?

    No.

    That makes him a pencildick.

    I was engaged to a man with an extremely small penis, left him for another dude, and told my new boyfriend that ex-FI had an extremely small penis.  THAT makes someone a horrible person.  You were not at fault in your situation. 

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  • Heck no.

     A good friend from college waited till marriage for even the first kiss.  Several years later she is now miserable due to lack of physical chemistry in their marriage.  I'm glad I "test drove" my DH first :) 

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  • image misoangry:
    image msmerymac:
    image misoangry:
    image msmerymac:
    image misoangry:
    image msmerymac:

    Given the make up of this board, I'm surprised only 15% of people have said yes so far.

    Why?

    IIRC, a very high percentage of regular posters here have only had sex with their spouse. From that, I extrapolated that having sex with someone was a very serious thing to them, and they might want to wait to have sex after marriage when the relationship would be less likely to end.

    You are failing to account for the people who have only had sex with their spouses but did so before getting married.

    No. I never said I thought that ALL the people who had ONLY had sex with their husband waited until marriage. But something like 40%+ of people who responded to that poll had only had sex with their husband. I just found that to be highly unusual. I do remember some people said they were high school or college sweethearts, so they just never had/wanted the opportunity to have sex with someone else. I just expected more of them to have intentionally waited until marriage. My mistake.

    I would love to see this 40% figure.

    Good luck getting The Nest search function to work. I'm trying and I can't.

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    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
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  • image ESF1:

    There was a girl on my knot board that waited until marriage.  At the time, I was going to law school with her fiance-turned-husband.  I couldn't look at him without thinking "your fiance told strangers on the internet you are a virgin."  Then after their wedding, I would see him in my antitrust class and think, "the boy has become a man."

     

     

    HA.


    Sounds like my xbf whose now FI told everyone they were both waiting until their wedding night and neither one of them had done it. Yaaaaaaaaaaa right.

     

    And the answer to the poll? F*** no.

  • image meggers5:
    image honey&badger:

    image meggers5:
    No. No no no. And I wouldn't even date someone who didn't give it up easily.

    Crying 

    Does this make me suck? I have no judgment about what others choose to do, but waiting is not something I would do. I think physical intimacy is so important in a relationship, and that it is best acheived through sex.

    Not at all.  It makes you AWESOME, in my book Yes

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  • This poll says almost 30%, but there's definitely been a more recent one.

    http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/43355236.aspx

    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • image FortMyersBride:

    Heck no.

     A good friend from college waited till marriage for even the first kiss.  Several years later she is now miserable due to lack of physical chemistry in their marriage.  I'm glad I "test drove" my DH first :) 

     

    That must suck for her.

  • Hell no. But I also don't think that I the kind of guy who waits for sex before marriage would have anything in common with me. 

     

    Also- somewhat related- sex post marriage is actually better than any sex I had before in terms of the number and frequency of orgasms, but it was a hell of a lot more exciting before. 

    [IMG]http://i49.tinypic.com/2czaiyt.jpg[/IMG]
  • image stpetegirl:

    Hell no. But I also don't think that I the kind of guy who waits for sex before marriage would have anything in common with me. 

     

    Also- somewhat related- sex post marriage is actually better than any sex I had before in terms of the number and frequency of orgasms, but it was a hell of a lot more exciting before. 

     

    I completely agree. I don't get it when people say it goes downhill...no way. Not for us at least.

  • image honey&badger:
    image meggers5:
    image honey&badger:

    image meggers5:
    No. No no no. And I wouldn't even date someone who didn't give it up easily.

    Crying 

    Does this make me suck? I have no judgment about what others choose to do, but waiting is not something I would do. I think physical intimacy is so important in a relationship, and that it is best acheived through sex.

    Not at all.  It makes you AWESOME, in my book Yes

    Oh phew. I thought you were weeping because my attitude was sure to mark the beginning of the downfall of human decency.

    Or something.

    I just like sex :)

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  • image msmerymac:

    Good luck getting The Nest search function to work. I'm trying and I can't.

    Why are you wishing me luck?

    It's your contention and your burden to support.

  • For religious reasons, yes.
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  • image stpetegirl:

    Also- somewhat related- sex post marriage is actually better than any sex I had before in terms of the number and frequency of orgasms, but it was a hell of a lot more exciting before. 

    I think this is interesting, and I can relate.

    I am not married, but I have been with my SO for three years. It took a good 9-10 months before I could relax enough to focus on internal sensations and not self-objectify during sex. Ever since then, things have been amazing. On the flip side, it doesn't feel as "risky" anymore, so I guess the excitement isn't as high. I'll take the better sex without the excitement, but I'm glad I had that rush when I did.  

  • No, I don't think so.  In part because I think trying out the goods is important, and in part because I assume any guy that asked me wait until marriage would have to be 1) an adherent of a very conservative religion; 2) a person with an abnormally low sex drive; 3) gay; or 4) cheating on me.  I have no desire to marry a man who falls into any of those categories. 

  • Yes. I did not have sex with DH before we got married. He was my first (I was not his first though). I have to say that while I am happy with my decision to wait, if I had to do it all over again, I probably would not wait until marriage. A small part of me feels like I waited too long.
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  • God, no. What if the sex is totally awful and he's selfish? How can someone live like that?! I need to fully test drive someone before I marry them. Sex, living with them, all of it.

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  • image Brie2010:
    My gut feeling is "no," but DH made me wait a loooooong time.  He was worth it.  If he'd had a reason for waiting until marriage, I would have waited.

    I probably would have waited for DH, too, but thankfully I didn't have to wait until marriage.  I felt like I waited long enough as it was!

    I think sex is an important part of a marriage, and both partners need to be on the same page about it.

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  • Would you agree to eat the same food, every day for the rest of your life without tasting it first? Or at least making sure it didn't give you horrible indigestion?

    Kind of the same thing for me, really.

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  • image Kaiene:

    image Brie2010:
    My gut feeling is "no," but DH made me wait a loooooong time.  He was worth it.  If he'd had a reason for waiting until marriage, I would have waited.

    I probably would have waited for DH, too, but thankfully I didn't have to wait until marriage.  I felt like I waited long enough as it was!

    I think sex is an important part of a marriage, and both partners need to be on the same page about it.

    Guys, I'm going to ask a very personal question because I'm intrigued by this...

    Why did your husbands want to wait for so long?  (Only asking because it is usually not the boy who wants to wait for a long time, and these aren't situations where the person was waiting until marriage.)

    (Of course, feel free to ignore this question if you don't want to share.)

  • image AKuzReve:
    God, no. What if the sex is totally awful and he's selfish? How can someone live like that?! I need to fully test drive someone before I marry them. Sex, living with them, all of it.

    I'm totally in favor of sex before marriage, but I don't really get the need to "try him out." If you're going to be having sex with the same person for the rest of your list you have a lifetime to show him what you like.

    If someone is a selfish ass in bed, he's probably that way in other areas of life too and I wouldn't get to the point of sleeping with him, LOL.

    image
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