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Would you rather....

have your S/O be gone for 7 consecutive months or 7 months back and forth (out for a month, home for a few weeks, out again etc)? Why?
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Re: Would you rather....

  • 7 consecutive months. Once I get into a routine, I like to keep it that way. If he were to come home every so often, it would really be a mind game and I don't think I would like it too much. 
     
  • out and back. we're both pretty independent so we don't necessarily need stability and a routine. 
  • 7 at once.

    We currently are in the midst of ....gone for 3 months back for 2 weeks gone for 2 months back for a week gone for a week back and forth at various intervals. It is impossible for us to come up with any kind of routine or schedule, it makes me reluctant to start a family.

     

    ETA: It sucks having to go through the leaving 'good byes' so often. 

     

  • This question is tough.  We have had a hellish two years with two deployments and the in and outs in between.  They came back from deployment at the end of March, and started going out at the end of June for month long things.  I remember thinking the month long ones would be a piece of cake after deployment, but they were pretty hard.  You just get in the routine and habit of being gone and they are back.  Then you get in a routine of them being home again, and then they're gone again.  So during those I had said I prefer deployments.

    Now that we are back in the deployment and it keeps getting extended (to 9 months at this point) I would much rather be dealing with the in and out so that I at least had him home sometimes.

    Basically for me the grass is always greener on the other side, and I want whichever situation I'm not in.  Generally though I think I would prefer the gone all at once, but these extensions suck. 

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  • We have an out and back system here. I am comfortable with it. I have my own career goals that I am working hard to achieve, so it isn't much different than when he is gone. I miss him and the security he brings, but it isn't a huge adjustment when he comes and goes.  

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  • Posted on the wrong board.  Sorry.
  • Consecutive. H did 4 away.. 3 home and then 5 away then back for 4 months and away for 1. It was horrible. Like KC said just when we get into a routine he leaves. I then get into 'my' routine and then he's back.
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    3/?
  • Immediately I thought back and forth, but that's because something similar is about to happen so I've been getting used to the idea. Relationship wise it's easier for us to maintain the status quo when I get to see him every so many days.
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  • Out and back, only because that's my reality. Also, I have my routines regardless of his routine. But I feel like there are pros and cons to each, and grass is probably always greener, like Beach said.
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  • Consecutive.  

    I wouldn't like the constant state of flux with the coming and going. 

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  • Consecutive.  It's hard to reintegrate.  I have friends who leapfrog their trips (they're gone anywere from 2 weeks to 3 months at a time) and their marriage is rough.

    Luckily I don't have to choose; H gets both types in his current job.

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  • Consecutive definitely. We did 2 months gone, 1 week home, 1 month gone, 1 month home last year and it sucked. Like others have said reintegration is hard. It takes a bit to get back into the swing of things.
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  • image Irishcurls:
    Out and back, only because that's my reality. Also, I have my routines regardless of his routine. But I feel like there are pros and cons to each, and grass is probably always greener, like Beach said.

     

    I use to be the same way, but now we live together. I have my routines and then H gets home and ruins my flow and gives me more to clean. lol

     

    I will say about the time we get on each others nerves is the same time he is due to leave-- which I think has kept the 'honeymoon' stage alive. :)

  • If E was still in I would want consecutive not back and forth.

    As for now, I hate that his school is on quarter system. It drives me nuts. I want to find a schedule and stick with it for 15 weeks and not change every 7-9 weeks. I get in a routine and want to keep it that way for a while and not have a monkey wrench thrown in it. 

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  • Consecutive.

    This has actually been a major discussion in our household as of late. A is trying to decide what airframe he wants and the deployment schedule is a major factor. We'd both rather he be gone for longer periods and home for longer periods.

    I think it's easier to get into a routine and stay there for a while than switch it up all the time. I also think it's easier for kids to have a routine and know what to expect rather than have their other parent pop in and out all the time.  

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  • Out and back. Like a few others said, that's kind of our lifestyle right now and we are used to it. It works for now.
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    The most beautiful place on earth to me: Glacier NP
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  • Back and forth.  It's what we do now and I'm used to it. 
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  • I think consecutively.  With a kid though, if he was going in and out at least he wouldn't miss a big chunk at once, he would still be able to see a lot of the "stages".  At the same time, every other month we'd be all " Daddy's leaving again" and it would be hard for every one to always be adjusting.  But for just me and him, consecutively, for sure.

     

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  • image shan87:

    image Irishcurls:
    Out and back, only because that's my reality. Also, I have my routines regardless of his routine. But I feel like there are pros and cons to each, and grass is probably always greener, like Beach said.

     

    I use to be the same way, but now we live together. I have my routines and then H gets home and ruins my flow and gives me more to clean. lol

     

    I will say about the time we get on each others nerves is the same time he is due to leave-- which I think has kept the 'honeymoon' stage alive. :)

    More time to clean! It'll be a cold day in hell before that's me ;) Like the idea of keeping the honeymoon alive though!!

    Hey, where is your new haircut??? 

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  • Consecutive. H is/will be doing the back and forth a lot. They're out for 2wks to a month, back for 5 days, and in some cases, they're back for only a day! It can be quite frustrating. Lately, we've both been saying how the long deployment should just come already, because it will eventually anyway. I guess we would just like to get it over with.
  • image Irishcurls:
    image shan87:

    image Irishcurls:
    Out and back, only because that's my reality. Also, I have my routines regardless of his routine. But I feel like there are pros and cons to each, and grass is probably always greener, like Beach said.

     

    I use to be the same way, but now we live together. I have my routines and then H gets home and ruins my flow and gives me more to clean. lol

     

    I will say about the time we get on each others nerves is the same time he is due to leave-- which I think has kept the 'honeymoon' stage alive. :)

    More time to clean! It'll be a cold day in hell before that's me ;) Like the idea of keeping the honeymoon alive though!!

    Hey, where is your new haircut??? 

     

    haha I was busy getting H's crap together. The guy survived years, even decades without me-- but now we're married he can't seem to finish a complete load of laundry. I'll post one of friday since I did the natural dry today and curly tomorrow.

  • Consecutive.  The week here, two weeks there, 2 weeks here, a month away, one week here, ect, got very tiring.  Did that for 2 years, at first I thought, "this will be cake."  It was, but after a year of that, I told him, "Don't take this the wrong way, but I would rather you be gone for 6-7 months then coming in and out."  He agreed. 

     

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