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My Mom is Out. Of. Control.

I don't know if you remember my previous post about my Mom, but I'm at my wits end. 

My Mom and I haven't talked in weeks, besides two very heated conversations that erupted into arguments.  Originally, she called me to berate me for dating.  She heard rumors and suspected that I was seeing someone, and called to let me know that she didn't approve and wanted me to be alone.  She thought it was inappropriate for me to date.  I told her that whatever I was doing in my personal life is none of her business, and she has no right to judge me - she dated a married man for a whole year after she was divorced!  

So, we went a week and a half without speaking, and she starts telling the whole family everything - talking about me behind my back, basically.  One of the lies she is spreading about me is that I'm keeping the kids from her, which I am not.  She never asked me to see the kids - she wasn't even talking to me!  

So get this - SHE CALLS MY STBX to tell him, "You won't believe what Jaime is doing."  My MOM, the woman who called the police on my STBX, who told me to get a PFA on him, and then chastised me for allowing him to see the kids, is trying to befriend my STBX!!!  She has called him THREE TIMES!  STBX called me and said, "Please tell your Mom to stop calling me, I don't need her wacky drama in my life anymore."  

I called my Mom and blew up at her.  She said, "All of this is your fault, you opened a can of worms with your destructive actions."  WTH!  What destructive actions?  

So, now I have no family, and my Mom has put a rift in what little amicable co-parenting relationship I was starting to establish with STBX.  OH, and my Mom also called my brother, who is deployed with the military in Japan, to tell him how horrible I am, too.

I have the mother of the year.  

Re: My Mom is Out. Of. Control.

  • I know it's easy for me, an outsider, to say this, but seriously.... her calling your ex would be the last straw for me.  I would stop having ANYTHING to do w/ her.  I wouldn't talk to her again, i wouldn't answer her calls, etc. 

    I'd tell ex to do the same- ignore her.  Dont' take her calls. 

    And as for the rest of your family - whoever it is that she's lying to - I'd start reaching out to them on my own.  Not to "set the story straight", but to simply make sure I have a relationship w/ them that doesn't have anything to do w/ yoru mother.  Seperate yourself from her.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • It doesn't seem like you're missing much if you decide to cut this person out of your life. Are you in therapy?

    I also want to say that while I know it hurts that she is "talking about you behind your back" if your family believes the lies she is telling about you than they're not really worth your time either.

    If you do want to address her behavior, I would flat out tell her, "Do not speak to the family, STBXH or anyone regarding me or my life." And leave it at that. Don't argue, don't explain, don't get caught up in the drama.

  • She's a damn lunatic - maybe you SHOULD keep your kids away from her.
    image
  • Wow.  She's kind of a controlling crazy cakes!  I wouldn't give her any info at all.  At all.  When she asks, just say, "i'm not discussing my personal life with you."  Don't defend yourself, don't give excuses, don't try to explain.   Remember, you can't talk rationally to an irrational person.  You'd be wasting your breath.  I'd also call my STBX and tell him that it's okay with you if her tells her to fvvck off and stop calling him.

    So you've now learned to give NO personal information to you mom.  You now know what she will do with it.  From this point on, if you tell her anything personal and she twists it around and uses it against you, you have nobody to blame with yourself.  (This coming from a person who experiences this with her mom.)

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  • This is terrible to say, but I think you need to forget that she is even alive. Completely break ties. Tell your STBX that you are cutting her out, tell her that you are cutting her out, and live your life without her. Reach out to your family without her- I might even consider an e-mail saying that you would like to be a part of their lives, but you want to distance yourself from the rumor-mongering.

    She is not a good person to be in your life or in your kids' lives.

    [IMG]http://i45.tinypic.com/2czvlhx.jpg[/IMG]
  • I agree...i wouldnt want her around my children either.
  • she is nuts and sounds very toxic.  Change your phone number and cut her off.
    image
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  • I'd chop her out of my life, along with any family member that went along with her insanity.
  • STOP having ANY contact with her!!!!!!!


  • You care too much what your mom thinks and what she does.

    Stop focusing on what your mom does and who she talks to.  Develop your own relationships with your family that have nothing to do with your mother.  If they talk about your mom, tell them that you don't want to discuss your mom.   The two of you are estranged and it's best if you don't hear about her life or her actions.  Reach out to your STBX, apologize for your mom's behavior, but tell him you have no part in your mom's actions and you hope that her actions do not reflect on you.  Also, you are not speaking to her, so ask him please to handle his relationship with his mom on his own - you will not step in (and will not turn around later to adminish him for anything he does re: your mom). 

    Concentrate on raising your children in the healthiest atmosphere possible - whether or not that includes your mom or not, or your stbx or not.

    Your mom is pulling these stunts because they WORK.  They suck you back into her life and her drama.  You weren't speaking to her......until she called your ex.  You didn't care what she thoought......until she talked about you to your extended family. 

    Stop calling, talking, texting or complaining to her.  "No contact" needs to mean "no contact" not "no contract until you make such a fuss I reach out to you."

    PS: Your stbx realizes your mom is a drama queen - chances are hte family feels the same way about her!

     

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • image EastCoastBride:

    I know it's easy for me, an outsider, to say this, but seriously.... her calling your ex would be the last straw for me.  I would stop having ANYTHING to do w/ her.  I wouldn't talk to her again, i wouldn't answer her calls, etc. 

    I'd tell ex to do the same- ignore her.  Dont' take her calls. 

    And as for the rest of your family - whoever it is that she's lying to - I'd start reaching out to them on my own.  Not to "set the story straight", but to simply make sure I have a relationship w/ them that doesn't have anything to do w/ yoru mother.  Seperate yourself from her.

    Yep, totally agree. My mom is the same way. I am in therapy now to deal with her and am told I have no other reason to communicate unless its to resolve problems and perhaps have counseling for the both of us. It took a lot to come to grips that I may have to never speak to her again but I cant have someone so toxic in my or my kids lives. I cut the cord and am muchmuch happier!

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  • Yeah. I would probably drop her. I mean its one thing for a parent to have a comment on who their kid dates, but to be chastizing someone for trying to build their own life and then run it through the family is just wrong.
    She also may not know how to let go in an appropriate way.

     And besides you don't want to deal w/ her putting ideas in your kids heads. I've seen the other side of a gma turning her own grandkids against their mother. Its ugly and not loving at all.

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