Family Matters
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This is something I see here a lot that makes no sense to me.

I've seen far too many times (Ursula is the most recent example) where people post here that they have to move in with family because they are experiencing financial hard times, and then when people respond that they should get their finances in order before making any other expensive decisions, they amend this to say that they pay rent in addition to groceries and utilities for the whole family, not just themselves.  How does this make sense?  How is it cheaper to pay rent AND food and utilities for at least two extra people than it is to pay rent plus food and utilities for just yourselves?

Am I the only one seeing that this makes no sense whatsoever?  Either the person posting (yes, Ursula, I'm looking at you) is a big gaadamn liar, or that person can't do simple arithmetic.  What gives?

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Re: This is something I see here a lot that makes no sense to me.

  • I vote liar. Or perhaps they contribute to some of the rent/utilities, but not all. That would still make them a liar.
  • When they say they're paying rent, it's probably like $200/month vs the $1000/month it would cost to rent a place on their own.

    So yes, lying.

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  • image Inkogneetoh:

    When they say they're paying rent, it's probably like $200/month vs the $1000/month it would cost to rent a place on their own.

    So yes, lying.

    This is what I think it often is.  I don't know if it's lying in my book, but it's doing a song and dance to try and prove to us that "no really", they aren't taking TOTAL advantage of their families.  Just a little....
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  • As pp's have said, I think they're paying token rent, not real life rent.
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  • I'm wondering what the rent is.  To the renter, it might seem "fair," but it's not full market rate for costs and nothing near the cost of an apartment.

    For example, I live in a HCOL area.  My monthly mortgage (including taxes, but not utilities) is $3K (and we live in a MODEST 3BR home).  If I rented out 1BR (to my kids or to a stranger), there is NO WAY I could collect 1/3 of the cost of sharing the total living space ($1K) for one bedroom, maybe I could collect $300/month from my kids "paying rent." 

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  • I think they just overexaggerate how much they contribute. They may pay rent, but it's a token amount. They buy food, but it's just the occassional take out order or random small trip to the store. They clean, but it's just after themselves, like putting their own dishes in the dishwasher.

    But they have to defend those things, because admitting that you're a mooch isn't fun.

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  • image Maybride2:
    I think they just overexaggerate how much they contribute. They may pay rent, but it's a token amount. They buy food, but it's just the occassional take out order or random small trip to the store. They clean, but it's just after themselves, like putting their own dishes in the dishwasher.

    But they have to defend those things, because admitting that you're a mooch isn't fun.

    I agree with maybride-admitting you are a mooch and have made lots a bad choices is a lot harder to admit-and most of the time until they admit that, the cycle will continue as their sense of entitlement seems to grow too
  • Exactly,  they can't seem to understand that their families are still doing them a huge favor by forfeiting rental income in order to help.  Her ILs had every right to be mad at them.
  • I think the "have to" qualifies as not being able to afford market rent anywhere else and can't find a safe room to rent with strangers and not wanting to enter the shelter system. You have some income so you give your relatives money but no one thinks they are a landlord in any sense - usually just a part of your income to cover the extra expenses you place on the household. Paying nothing would be worse but the sacrifice is all on the homeowner. Not the guest.
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  • image Maybride2:
    I think they just overexaggerate how much they contribute. They may pay rent, but it's a token amount. They buy food, but it's just the occassional take out order or random small trip to the store. They clean, but it's just after themselves, like putting their own dishes in the dishwasher.

    But they have to defend those things, because admitting that you're a mooch isn't fun.

    This. No one moves back home with Mom and Dad, to tight living quarters and over-interested parents and no privacy, for the same price as your own place.

     

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  • Agreed w/Doglove & ECB.  I think there's a justification on their end.  They will say that they contribute to the household they are taking advantage of, but really, it probably isn't even enough to compensate them living there.

    And really, I don't get the whole "oh I'm having financial problems, let me just move in w/my parents/friends/a relative until that gets resolved".  Umm no.  As an adult, you figure it out.  If you have no savings or fallback, you get ANY job you can, even 2 jobs if need be, until you get back on your feet.

    Sorry this kind of topic is a soft spot for me.  My dad lives & takes FULL advantage of my pap & it bothers me to the core.  He doesn't pay a cent in rent, food OR utilities because he claims that my pap "won't take it from him" & yet, whenever my pap does a repair on his home or the two of them go out to eat, my pap pays.  My dad has been living there 10+ yrs, scott free & claims to still have "no retirement plan" or savings.  I call BS.

  • I think it can also stem from a sense of shame.  They are ashamed of their living situation and it's hard for them to admit how much help they are getting.
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  • Add one more bad money decision to the list.
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  • image ShannersLA:

    And really, I don't get the whole "oh I'm having financial problems, let me just move in w/my parents/friends/a relative until that gets resolved".  Umm no.  As an adult, you figure it out.  If you have no savings or fallback, you get ANY job you can, even 2 jobs if need be, until you get back on your feet.

    The cost of child care often makes working multiple jobs pointless.  DH, DS, and I are currently living with my parents.  After DH lost his job, I was still working and we went through our savings (DH just got hired, he was unemployed for a year).  DH was unable to find a job that would bring home anything significant once child care was paid for.  I fully acknowledge and am really grateful for the sacrifices my parents are making for us.  

    My parents truly will not allow us to give them rent because they want us to put money into savings.  We do clean the entire house on a regular basis and have pretty much taken over care of their dogs.  I agree that we probably look like mooches to other people....however my parents want us to find good jobs and rebuild savings before moving out.

  • They are liars and immature.  Grow up please.

    I cannot understand how anyone can live with their parents as an adult but then again, if you need to live with mom and dad, you aren't an adult in my eyes.

    And yes, I think there is always another alternative.  I have not had the option of living with parents since I was a teenager.  When you don't have any other option, you find a way.  Don't tell me there isn't another way b/c if someone under 18 can figure it out, so can you.  It's called making sacrifices and intelligent choices.

    And if you are living with your parents as an adult they are doing you a huge favor and you should be very grateful. 

  • The ONLY exception I can think of to 'liars' and 'they think that $100 a month = paying rent" is in the case of being a caregiver. 

    (but I've found an awful lot of "oh, I pay $100 a month" caregivers who really take advantage--the person needing care could get much better help for less headache elsewhere) 

  • As a a non liar who moved in with in laws with my husband and then 6 month old son I can say we paid for nothing while we lived there for 6 months and got back on our feet.  We paid our own few bills and bought our own gas but the point was to live for free for a short time and turn a very bad situation around quickly.  Which we did, by the way.  We ate at home with them and never went out and DH fiund a new great job during that time.  In the year and change since we have paid off 10k in debt.  If you move in with parents as adults and use it as an excuse to overspend or be co-dependent you have bigger problems than finances.
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