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Feel sad for my erratic brother and my SIL

I made a post here a long time ago about some of the unusual actions my brother has been doing. it seems to be getting worse. He cant take my mother, my SIL or me seriously. I think he is getting tired of the criticism we give him and is depressed. I asked my SIL if hes been this way since our father died in sept, she told me it was before that and now its getting worse.. He is a grown adult and before he got married had a son he was responsible and smart enough to know better. now its like hes in high school, if he hadnt been married with a family I wouldnt care what crap he did but now its affecting my Nephew and my SIL. Last night I had to go to my SIL and brother's apt because she told me that kicked in the door and shoved her on the couch (she is also 7weeks pregnant) I tried hard to comfort her, she wants to leave and go back to her family in Brazil, but at the same time she wants to stay because its safer in the US. She is from Brazil and speaks little english, when im not working I try to be with her and talk through her laptop with a google translator. she has almost no friends and depends on my brother to translate for her and take her to the OBGYN. he has been skipping her appts(now I am offering to take her) plays Xbox all day when hes suppose to be watching my 2yr old nephew and what I have heard spent around 15,000 life insurance my passing father gave him, he has almost nothing left since sept 2011. He has a chance to transfer to NC for work because the company is closing in CT but has no desire to leave. He wants to finish school even though it has taken years for him to finish, had dropped out last year lying to my mom and I about staying in school. His behavior is self-destructive I think he is lost. there is a part of me that wants call the police for him shoving my SIL and the fact I think my nephew isnt being properly being taken cared of. but apart of me loves my brother. But he tells my mom and I everything is good when my SIL isnt around or cant speak for herself. When now im hearing about this behavior. I want to have a heart to heart talk to him but afraid he wont take me seriously and laugh me off.

Re: Feel sad for my erratic brother and my SIL

  • The safety of your nephew needs to come first.  Your brother needs counseling.  Either offer to take your nephew and SIL in or call the cops on your brother!
  • for the love of god...wtf did she get pregnant? really wtf?

    your sil is a grown adult (maybe not too intelligent but stillan adult)

    it is NOT your job to save her and her child. If she is being abused by your b it is her responsibility to get herself and babies out of there. YOU have no control over the situation. If you both continue to ignore his abuse there is nothing anyone can do.

    why wouldyour b have to step up...you are takinghis place....no responsibilities...no job...nho nothing..oh except another baby...

    you are all a mess



  • Why does she have so many OB appointments if she is only 7 weeks pregnant? That seems really odd, I saw the doctor exactly once by that point. And why doesn't she go to an OB who speaks her language?

    She needs Domestic Violence support. She is isolated and in an abusive relationship while parenting a toddler. This is only going to get worse. If you want to help, you have to get her to services NOW.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • Something else is at play here -- maybe he's checked out of the marriage emotionally, is having an affair or something --- she needs to leave him just for the anger management factor alone.

    His behavior most certainly isn't normal or rational.

    This marriage  is already physically abusive. That's why she needs to leave him --- is there any way you can take her in? Not him and her: just her.

    Maybe there is even substance abuse involved.

  • IMO, it sounds like your brother needs to be removed from the situation until he gets his problems under control.  If he's showing signs of negligence towards his son, abusiveness towards his wife and baby on the way, staying is a recipe for disaster.  Figure out what's going on with him and get him the kind of help he needs - whether it's emotional, drug-related, whatever, before something tragic happens. 

    As far as the logistics of who's going to stay with who and the whole language barrier issue, I can't say what is best for them.  But I think those are the least of things to be concerned about.  Make sure everyone is in a safe situation and then worry about the rest.

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