Family Matters
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Sister woes

My two daughters became engaged within one month of each other.  The weddings are being planned a year apart.  Of course they are at this point in each others weddings, but there is always drama over you stole my idea, blah, blah, blah.  One daugher is much more headstrong an zilla-like.  As the mother, I fear the worst, she won't be in her sister's wedding, either because she has made life too miserable and has been relieved of her duty or in a fit of rage refuses to be in the wedding. They have been spoiled growing up, but I always thought I didn't favor one over the other, always buying "two" of just about everything.  I hear a lot of it's always all about "her".  What's a mother to do?

Re: Sister woes

  • Stop trying to solve their relationship problem. The less you insert yourself into their fighting, the more they will have to act like grown-ups and deal with it themselves. Tell both of them to stop complaining to you and start working it out with the other, directly.

    You only need to get yourself dress and transported to the wedding. No other guests. Not your daughter.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • honestly - back out of it.  Don't referee.  They're grown up enough to get married and they're grown up enough to fight it out until they figure it out.  I can only imagine it is going to be tough on you as a parent, but I think that you need to stay neutral on things or else it'll get really out of control.  

  • Remind them that a wedding is only one freaking day out of their lives and it's the actual marriage that is important. Then back out and let them deal with their own lives.
  • Why would they start bickering to each other about stealing ideas for their weddings? Would they seriously get in such a fight to kick the other one out or boycott the other sister's wedding? What kind of sisters are they? Are they even old enough to get married?

    My sister and I got engaged within a month or two of each other and her wedding was two months after mine. We didn't fight about anything. Weddings can be so variable with millions of different styles, ideas, and things to do, etc... They shouldn't want the same exact wedding and fight over it. Even if they want some (or a lot of) the same things, there is always room for compromise. 

    I agree with the others, just stay out of it. If they start coming to you and telling you to pick one over the other about "who's right" and who-should-get-what for their wedding, then they aren't mature enough to have weddings at all. They aren't supposed to act like children having tantrums because "it's not fair." You can help them with their weddings, but let it be known that the instant they want you to referee a dispute that you're done with it.

    Celebrity Crush -- Karl Urban

  • If you want to be crystal clear about not favoring one over the other then donot get in the middle of it. They are grown women and need to deal with each other directly and not use you as a referee.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • "Oh, you two are adults now. You don't want ME interfering; I'm sure you'll work it out".

    Over, and over, and over. Why on earth  you think you have to fix relationships between two people is beyond me. Not.Your.Job.


  • if they're old enough to get married they're old enough to solve their own issues with each other. stop being involved. if one wants to vent about the planning, fine, but when it crosses the line you have to tell her to stop and talk to the other and not you.

    why worry about something that you have no control over? if your daughter can't control herself to the point she'd be thrown out of her sisters wedding the wedding is the least of her worries.

    Friday, December 28 2012. The day I had emergency appendix surgery in Mexico and quit smoking. Proof that everything has a good side!! DH and I are happily child-free!! No due date or toddler tickers here!! my read shelf:
    Alison's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf) 
  • Whatever you do, PLEASE do not compare the two weddings. My YS  is getting married (not sure when, she pushed the wedding back) but anywho...

    My mom is always comparing my style to hers, blah blah blah...


    Just make sure you dont do this AT ALL.

  • Stay out of it!!!  I agree, if these "women" are old enough to get married, they are old enough to solve their problems on their own.  Refuse to listen to either sister "venting" about the other.

    And if you are helping out with the wedding, instead of paying for certain things (flowers, reception, etc.), I would just tell the girls you are giving them each a certain dollar amount to spend as they wish, so that neither of them can accuse you of paying more for one girls wedding than the others.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • Thanks everyone, there is a lot of advice here that of course I already knew.  Putting it into action will be the key to not going crazy! As with all big events there is plenty of stress, but it works out in the end!


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