Sex & Romance
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Initiating/Being Sexy/Keeping it Interesting

Okay, so let me start by saying that I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.  I am marrying an amazing man next year who I love more than anything and sex with him is absolutely incredible.  Little bit of background:  He is a bit older (13 years) but this has never really been a factor in our relationship, I had to grow up quickly and have always been very mature and he is a very young person at heart (while also being a very responsible, strong man).  Also, before him I had only had sex with two other men, my high school sweetheart and college boyfriend.  With both of these men I never had an orgasm and I always tried so hard to avoid sex, it really just felt like a chore so I didn't get a whole lot of practice at "seduction."  With my fiance, depending on how long we go I can literally have three to four orgasms per session so obviously I have flipped over to the side of loving to have sex with him.

Now my fiance and I have had our long discussions regarding our sex life (essentially, I want to have sex more and he doesn't want to have to always be the one to initiate it).  I can completely understand how he feels but he also says that I only really come on to him when I have had a few drinks.  Well, the reason is because that's when my mental blocks and self consciousness really drops and I just go for it.  My big question is what have you done to get over those blocks when you are stone cold sober because I will admit that I feel silly sometimes.  Now I am a scientific person and like to have a plan, so there are times that I will literally sit at work all day thinking (daydreaming!) about scenarios in which I am hot sex kitten but then I get home and I lose all my nerve!  It really has nothing to do with our relationship because I know that he would love anything I do, its just in my head and I can't get around it!

 Also, he has been talking about a strip tease of some kind for quite awhile, and I really want to do this for him but I always go back to feeling ridiculous because I am also somewhat of a klutz!

Re: Initiating/Being Sexy/Keeping it Interesting

  • I don't understand why you can't just jump him when you want sex? He can't read your mind, you know, and you obviously know he's not going to reject you, so what's the problem? You should be comfortable enough with the man you're going to marry to be able to let him know when you're horny. I tell my husband flat out whenever I want to have sex. And granted, sometimes he's not up for it, but that's why I'm also capable of getting myself off.
  • I agree with PP that you should work on being comfortable telling the man you plan to marry when you want to have sex. However, if you're a little shy about it, ease yourself into. I am a complete klutz, but when I do something like a strip tease or dance around for my husband, I remind myself that he loves me for me. Shoot, if I trip we both get a good laugh out of it. Remember that he obviously loves you and is attracted to you. He has told you that he would love it if you initiated, so you know that it will be a turn on for him if you get things going.

    From what you say about coming up with scenarios in your head about being a sex kitten- I think you are psyching yourself out! Initiating sex with your soon to be husband doesn't have to look like the beginning of a porno. I'm sure he would be just as happy if you planted a kiss on him and dragged him into the bedroom.

  • imagekatdunn85:

    .... he has been talking about a strip tease of some kind for quite awhile....

    If he hints that he wants to do a striptease for you, let him. Maybe that's his way of initiating.
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  • When he tells you he wants you to initiate more, what makes you think it has to be this elaborate plan, or math equation of time-outfit-fancy moves? Unless of course he's directly saying that specifically.

    I initiate sex ALL the time by very subtle gestures.


    -I give him a kiss on the cheek and then another one on the ear with a little tongue action.

    -I send him a text right when I know he's almost home. And to me the cheesier the better, but whatever works. Even "hey I'm super horny, and can't WAIT for you to get home" works!

    -I love to wake him up with a BJ. Seriously, try it- he won't be able to wake up fast enough.  (This also really turns me on though.) OR start sucking on one of his fingers seductively...this works good too.

    Good Luck


  • unzip his pants, he'll catch on.
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  • Here are a few:

    - come up behind him while he's sitting down, put your arms around him and start kissing his neck

    - after a shower, go out to where he is in your house coat. Maybe it falls off by accident, maybe you take his hand and put it inside

    - text him just before you/he gets home and tell him to meet you/be ready somewhere in the house


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  • Like another responder said, it doesn't have to be some elaborate plan.  Most guys are easy.  We get horny when the wind blows up our pant leg.  Seriously, it can be that easy.  The simpler the better.  Walk past him and gently squeeze his penis through his pants and smile at him and walk on by.  Ina few minutes, he'll come looking for you.  If he doesn't go find him.  

    Wear something flirty when its just the two of you.  After a few minutes of watching you in a tank top and thong, he will get horny.  Or something sheer, or nothing, or just a t-shirt (short enough to just cover your buns midway).  

    If you are a little shy about it then texts are easy and pain free.  You type sexy little notes and hit send.  Couldn't be easier.  Examples: "thinking or your c*ck today", "I'm really wet right now", "my nipples are hard", or the obvious, "I'm horny" 


    Us guys are simple creatures.  I think some women think about it to much and try all of these complicated schemes.  Those things might work on women, but guys don't need that much of a push to get started.

     Keep it simple.

    I'll try anything once. Yes, anything, well almost!! :)
  • OP - I can relate to you on this one... my DH is 10 years older than I am, and he is only the 2nd I have been with... and like you... definately a better lover then the previous guy. But also like you, I struggled (and still have my moments) where I am afraid to be seductive... I will use the word timid.

    I ask this only because it was true for me... does the fact that he's older / more mature / a man who knows what he's doing/ cause you to feel this way? I know for myself... the idea of him having 10 extra years of experience under his belt... (no pun intended) seemed to be this big scary thing in the back of my mind... because, unlike the other guy I was with, he is a man... not a boy... which, makes a difference as you know.

    Here's the thing though... even though he's a man not a child.. his desires are the same... they are you... the fact that you, this stunning beautiful woman, can render the man that you have to you knees, should be enough to put you in a sexy mood. Or at least, try keeping that in mind. When you think about it all day, dont think about in a dreadful manner. Thats what helped change my mind... I might also add that my DH is a 225lb 6' 5" monster of a man... so that only added to the intimidation factor.

    Best advice, stop thinking and start doing. Since you are a thinker... I would say that doing all the little warm up things arent going to help you... why... because you'll be thinking too much while your doing the little things... best advice.. when he comes home from work one day... (or you whomever) dont talk... dont speak... just grab him by the back of his head, start kissing him... unzip his pants, and let the adrenaline lead you from there... I promise you he'll love it.. and you'll feel like a seductive goddess!! Good Luck!!

  • run your nails across his body with gentle pressure and give him a sly smile

     text him when you know he is on his way home to let him know where your mood is at 'i cant wait to see you I've been longing for you all day'

     text him when he is on the damn couch next to you 'race you to the bedroom'

    bite him

    slip your fingers in his waistband

    climb on top of him


  • One thing I've done that worked was, while he was at the computer I walked over gave him a kiss and told him I was going upstairs to take a shower.  When I got out of the shower, I sent him a text asking him what color underwear I should wear.  He sent a text back with a smile and a few minutes later he was up in the bedroom. 

    Just be playful and have fun!


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