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Dual Military

Hello all!

 I am new to the nest and this forum so I apologize if this has been talked about before - 

 I am about to marry a fellow Officer (junior O-3s - believe us, we are often painfully aware of how much younger we are than some of the brilliant Soldiers we lead each day, haha). We are stationed apart and know we will be for the next few years, given different approaching ... travel-the-world ... type opportunities for both of us (if you know what I mean). Wink

We spend as much time as we can together and soon I will be enjoying some worldly travel while he is in training.

 We are slightly concerned with how long we will be apart - we are 99% sure we will be stationed together within 2 years, but until then, the closest we will be is 'the travel radius (250 miles)' drive away and the farthest will be (again) a few continents. Has anyone dealt with this? If so, I would love to hear your experiences / thoughts.

We have both been in a few years and have made it through deployments/training already, just not as a dual military married couple.

 Thanks and have a wonderful night! Cool

 

Re: Dual Military

  • There are a few dual military ladies on the board (& a few more former dual mil). I'm sure they will chime in around morning time since it's late in most of their time zones.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • My husband and I are both enlisted.  Our first few years of marriage were hectic, back to back and overlapping deployments and TDYs.  We definitely struggled with communication for a while and although we couldn't go to counseling or communication classes together, we each did what we could where we were.  I went to classes and combat stress support while I was deployed.  We each went to MLFCs at various times and I really do think our marriage is better because we took that initiative regardless of how inconvenient it was.  We joked that it was like distance learning - marriage style.  When we were both in the same place at the same time and the opportunity presented itself, we sat in on a two day couples' communication class.

    It sounds trite, but the best time to work on a marriage is when times are good and before problems arise.  Even if you two aren't in the same place, it's okay to go to communication classes or couples' workshops alone.  If nothing else, it gives you something to talk about and possibly a way to meet some new people who are dealing with the same things.

    I will tell you, my husband thought he was prepared to be the spouse to stay home, but it was definitely the roughest part of our marriage.  He had no idea how to control his worry and put on a tough face.  As a married couple, we obviously have the desire to protect each other, but he really struggled with the inability to watch out for me while I was deployed.  

    On the up side, it is totally awesome to play such big roles in support each other for our worldly travels and we have an understanding that I certainly didn't have when I was a civilian dating a Marine, or when I was enlisted and married to a civilian.  It's amazing to know that if I leave, my husband has everything under control because he actually did it for a year, less than a month after he returned from a deployment.  It's a juggling act at times, but totally worth it.

    Twin boys due 7/25/12
  • My husband and I are both O2's. I'm a WSO and he's a SWO. We will be stationed together for the next three ish years with close deployment schedules. We both signed an addendum with our co-location request asking not to have opposite deployments since we don't have kids. That isn't a guarantee, but there's a chance you'll get it.

    When I first moved to my duty station I lived with an O3 married to an O3; in their first 3 years of marriage they were together for about 4 months total. They were on opposite deployments and had weeks in between each others' deployments. They were a strong couple and made it work, but to me it's an extreme. Good luck with the next few years!!

  • Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!

     

    My husband and I were dual military (enlisted) until I separated last year.  To be honest I?m not much help because although his job has a high deployment tempo, mine did not.  I had an insignificant administrative job and deployed once and went TDY twice in my entire 9 year career so we were very lucky in that aspect.

     

    The key is definitely good communication (when you are able to contact each other on your worldly travels, of course).  I know depending on your jobs and as you move up in rank it is more difficult to get join spouse assignments.  Good luck.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • We are dual-mil officers, he's been in 11 years, I've been in 6 years active duty (some prior guard time though.)

    Every couple is different. We decided jointly that our family came above all else. We have 2 kids though, so that changes things. He's given up great opportunities (and continues to do so) for us.  However, every time we thought he really gave something up, something arguably better came along in it's place.  For example he was offered a wonderful position in Germany, but the JAG Corps wasn't optimistic they could get me there, so he turned it down. Instead, he ended in a great position where he got a Yankee White clearance and all the stuff that goes along with that. So that's been pretty cool for him, although we couldn't have foreseen it at the time. :-)

    I'm also giving things up. I'd love to get my LL.M. (masters in an area of law for lawyers) on the military's dime and take a year off while going to school, but it would limit where I might be assigned, so I'm not applying for it.  But....we REALLY want to stay together. We did over a year apart when our oldest was 8 months old (he came back the week she turned 2), and that was enough for us.  We understand that either of us may get deployed, but we are going to do everything we can to make the odds of us being assigned together as good as possible.  

    However....if you are childless and your marriage is strong...enjoy your adventures! I volunteered for some cool stuff while we were engaged and I certainly do not regret it. I think it got it out of my system so I'm not jealous of all the stuff some of my single coworkers volunteer for.  But children really changed things. 

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