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Baby for my StepMom???

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Re: Baby for my StepMom???

  • Her uterus - her choice. 

    We get so many posters on here talking about their family is pressuring them to have kids and we advise them to take a stand that family planning is no one else's business.  Therefore, your father and stepmother's family planning is none of yours. 

  • My 50 year old ex-brother in law had 2 kids with his new wife.  His first 2 kids (my niece and nephew) were 15 and 19 at the time.  They handled it beautifully and really love their little half-sisters.

    There is nothing "to do".  You are a grown up.  Act like one.

    promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am
  • I agree with the others that your Dad was a cr*ppy Dad and you are wrongly placing the blame on the SM.  And now you're placing blame on an unborn baby instead of your Dad.

    You need therapy to work through the issues with your Dad.

    image "...Saving just one pet won't change the world...but, surely, the world will change for that one pet..."
  • i'm 36. my only sibling, my half-sister, turned 13 on sunday. yeah-bit of an age gap. oh um her mom is 5years older than i am.

    what do you mean what do you do? you look forward to an upcoming sibling.

    i'm assuming your dad's vasectomy was reversed?

    Friday, December 28 2012. The day I had emergency appendix surgery in Mexico and quit smoking. Proof that everything has a good side!! DH and I are happily child-free!! No due date or toddler tickers here!! my read shelf:
    Alison's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf) 
  • image TarponMonoxide:
    image AshRouss:

    I am sorry that I am confusing people.  How does this have nothing to do with me?  My Dad stopped talking to me because I moved away for college, SHE was the reason he stopped talking to me.  When they got married we moved into HER house where I slept on the couch in her office for 6 months before moving to college.  SHE didnt come to my college graduation or wedding.  This will distance my father more from me.  

    I just dont see how this has nothing to do with me.



    If things are this bad with your dad and his wife, perhaps you should have politely bowed out of their lives years ago.

    I would not stay anywhere I am not welcome and I wouldn't waste my time spending my time with people who don't care about me.

    A stepmother attending a college grad or wedding of a stepdaughter is a given. Your dad should have given her holy hell for that -- I will bet you that she calls the shots and she has him by the balls -- and he enables her. Am I right?

     

    This is what my godfather says day in and day out.  Sunshine comes from her %^& in his eyes. 

    Cooking my way to happiness!
  • image AshRouss:
    image TarponMonoxide:
    image AshRouss:

    I am sorry that I am confusing people.  How does this have nothing to do with me?  My Dad stopped talking to me because I moved away for college, SHE was the reason he stopped talking to me.  When they got married we moved into HER house where I slept on the couch in her office for 6 months before moving to college.  SHE didnt come to my college graduation or wedding.  This will distance my father more from me.  

    I just dont see how this has nothing to do with me.



    If things are this bad with your dad and his wife, perhaps you should have politely bowed out of their lives years ago.

    I would not stay anywhere I am not welcome and I wouldn't waste my time spending my time with people who don't care about me.

    A stepmother attending a college grad or wedding of a stepdaughter is a given. Your dad should have given her holy hell for that -- I will bet you that she calls the shots and she has him by the balls -- and he enables her. Am I right?

     

    This is what my godfather says day in and day out.  Sunshine comes from her %^& in his eyes. 

    I like how you went right to the post that validates your feelings of bitterness and ignored the posts that advise you to come to terms with the fact that your Dad is the way he is and find a way to move on without it poisoning your life too.

    image "...Saving just one pet won't change the world...but, surely, the world will change for that one pet..."
  • I can understand a little how you feel, I think part of it is because you think if you father wasn't a good father to you why would he want to have another child? However there is nothing that you can do, or should do. Its your fathers life, you have your life. Just because your father is having a baby doesn't mean that you are not able to have one.
  • This is a terrible situation.

    imageimage

  • Tell you what - you have a right to poke your nose into their reproduction choices the day they can dictate to you how many children you and your H can have.

    It is their business, bottom line.

    Ok, so you had a crappy childhood.  It appears you still turned out OK in spite of your upbringing.  We all have a variation of being crapped on by our parents, yet we become better people as a result of being treated poorly.  You need some therapy to help you work through these issues.

    As far as your SM goes, try building a bridge between the two of you.  Invite her out for lunch, and just try to get to know one another.  If it goes nowhere, then at least you tried.  Let go of the past grudges and you just might surprise yourself.

    Anniversary
  • Of course someone is going to look for validations of their feelings--and looking for advise.  

     This is for everyone one here... I have been in therapy off and on for 15 years because of my "daddy issues".  This has just caused me more angst and has caused me to regress in my progress.

      I am glad that therapy was an option for so many of you.  Problem is--I think we need a family session so that we can work through things together, my dad and I, and not just me working on things with some man that doesnt know my dad. 

     

    Cooking my way to happiness!
  • I'm thinking about going to counseling for my "daddy-issues" as well! :) your not alone. I do belive that it sucks sometimes when you get negative responses on these boards, but gotta prepare for it. Sometimes if someone hasn't been through something similar they won't understand.

     

  • image AshRouss:

    Of course someone is going to look for validations of their feelings--and looking for advise.  

     This is for everyone one here... I have been in therapy off and on for 15 years because of my "daddy issues".  This has just caused me more angst and has caused me to regress in my progress.

      I am glad that therapy was an option for so many of you.  Problem is--I think we need a family session so that we can work through things together, my dad and I, and not just me working on things with some man that doesnt know my dad. 

     

    Therapy only works for people that want to be involved in it. Nothing that you have said makes your dad sound like the kind of man who is going to want to be involved in your emotional healing. 

    So the question is, at the end of the day, are you willing to work on and heal yourself for you and you alone, and accept that he will never change? Until you are, I think you're never going to be able to work through these issues. 

  • image AshRouss:

    Of course someone is going to look for validations of their feelings--and looking for advise.  

     This is for everyone one here... I have been in therapy off and on for 15 years because of my "daddy issues".  This has just caused me more angst and has caused me to regress in my progress.

      I am glad that therapy was an option for so many of you.  Problem is--I think we need a family session so that we can work through things together, my dad and I, and not just me working on things with some man that doesnt know my dad. 

     

     

    Why on EARTH did you not include this and your other post in your first post? You act like we were supposed to assume all of this back story. 

  • image IrishBrideND:
    image AshRouss:

    Of course someone is going to look for validations of their feelings--and looking for advise.  

     This is for everyone one here... I have been in therapy off and on for 15 years because of my "daddy issues".  This has just caused me more angst and has caused me to regress in my progress.

      I am glad that therapy was an option for so many of you.  Problem is--I think we need a family session so that we can work through things together, my dad and I, and not just me working on things with some man that doesnt know my dad. 

     

     

    Why on EARTH did you not include this and your other post in your first post? You act like we were supposed to assume all of this back story. 

     Medical history isnt something I bring up in everyday conversation. 

    Cooking my way to happiness!
  • image AshRouss:
    image HoolyGo:

    image AshRouss:
    I am 25 planning a family of my own and I am just no sure how to act around them  My stepmom and I have never been close and this seems like another wedge between us. 


    Why would you act any differently around them?

     

    I dont approve of it and to be honest it really hurts because my dad never finished raising my brother and I before he got remarried and took her kids under his wing.  I am just worried about the kid and what is going to happen to our adult/married families now.  

    Meh.

    Nothing is going to happen to your adult/married families if your father breeds again. He was a craptastic dad to you before, he'll be a craptastic dad to you now. Unless of course he needs you to assume guardianship or babysit.

    It doesn't have to be weird. My BIL had 3 litters, my niece is his middle child born in his second family. She's 32 and has a 37 year old halfbrother as well as two half brothers in preschool. She's the only one in her family who sees the older one (he's a local celeb) and she adores the little two,

    My dentist has 6 plus the three his wife came with. He coached a son and grandson on the same soccer team for years.

  • image AshRouss:
    image IrishBrideND:
    image AshRouss:

    Of course someone is going to look for validations of their feelings--and looking for advise.  

     This is for everyone one here... I have been in therapy off and on for 15 years because of my "daddy issues".  This has just caused me more angst and has caused me to regress in my progress.

      I am glad that therapy was an option for so many of you.  Problem is--I think we need a family session so that we can work through things together, my dad and I, and not just me working on things with some man that doesnt know my dad. 

     

     

    Why on EARTH did you not include this and your other post in your first post? You act like we were supposed to assume all of this back story. 

     Medical history isnt something I bring up in everyday conversation. 

     

    Right, but then why act flabbergasted that we don't "get" why you have issues with this? Thats what I don't get. You act like we should have known there was a really long backstory. 

     

    Plus, I would think none of this is really "every day conversation" unless you go around telling everyone you know that you are upset your going to have a half sibling. 

     

    But regardless, you can only fix you. You can't control other people or make them be who you want them to be. Either be happy for them, or move on and focus on your life. 

  • My dad recently started dating someone 21 years younger than him and she has a 4 year old.  Biologically speaking, they COULD end up having another child.  Still not sure what to think of it.  Unfortunately in my situation, my 2 sisters and I are not on speaking terms with our dad or his g/f.... so not sure what we'd do if she did get pregnant.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
  • I'm 42 and due in less than a month.  My "children" are 22, 20 and 19.

    You wish her a healthy and happy 9 months, check in on them as you would family...then you be grateful you have moved so that you can be somewhat of a figure in this child's, your sibling, life. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image AshRouss:
    I am 25 planning a family of my own and I am just no sure how to act around them  My stepmom and I have never been close and this seems like another wedge between us. 
    Im sorry, but it sounds like you think she stole stole your spotlight by gettin knocked up first.
  • image AshRouss:
    I am 25 planning a family of my own and I am just no sure how to act around them  My stepmom and I have never been close and this seems like another wedge between us. 


    If it seems like another wedge between you than it sounds like YOU are the one putting it there. 

    You just said it ... you are planning a family of your own ... she is pregnant ... you've never been close ... THIS IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY to get close with her. It's a common element in your lives. 

    So why are YOU making this a wedge?

    Maybe at 25 you are just not mature enough yet. I totally don't get your comments ... 'what do you do' ... 'how you should act around them'. Are you kidding?  

  • I think that family therapy would probably be very helpful, but if you know that's not an option you need to do what you can for yourself to help you deal with the bitterness and anger towards your dad and step-mom.

    Is there any way you can talk to your father about the way you were treated when you were younger? Have you ever told him how angry you are?

    And if the stormy weather came...I'd just kiss you in the rain... Daisypath Anniversary tickers image
  • I get your situation a little. My dad does everything for my stepmom. I've lived away for 6 years, he visited me once but goes on trips often. When we were younger, he couldn't pick us up at my mom's house because she thought it was inappropriate. He bought us clothes on the sly, which we needed and sent me to a horrible Chicago public school because he was starting a new family with my stepmom. Our house when he got remarried when I was 16 turned crazy - my brothers drank a lot, did drugs, etc because no one was home. 

    It is hurtful but I realized he's never going to be the dad he was before he got remarried (he was really good at one point). I realized my parents are selfish, both of them in different ways. I realized that she would always come first. I stopped trying to control him and just control my own life and my own happiness. I couldn't say I would be thrilled if they announced they were having a kid, just because I would probably NEVER see him. I get that.

    Welcome the new addition to your life and lower your expectations of your dad. Accept it, the way it is, there's no changing this & really, no reason to be angry, they make their own decisions. It's his loss if he doesn't have a relationship with you. 

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