Trouble in Paradise
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I can't believe I'm saying this...

...but is it me, or are the replies a bit alarmist?

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/58650266.aspx

 

Feel free to say so if you think I'm underreacting.

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Re: I can't believe I'm saying this...

  • Did I miss the part where she actually talked to her H about this?

    I think she needs to have an honest talk with him about what she wants/needs from him. If he can't provide that, then she needs to think about walking out. 

    I'm not entirely buying the "he's lazy/depressed/stupid" excuse either, he's either oblivious to how games are affecting the marriage or he just doesn't give a rats ass. 

  • IDK. But the first paragraph quicked me out. I wonder how old they are and I wonder what else she likes about him besides his diik. I'm not sure she married him for any other reason besides the fact that he made her cvm for a year.

    Plus, it's been an entire month and the only thing she wants to do with him is fuuk him. They don't have any other mutual interests?



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  • I saw this one.

    I rolled my eyes at, "..it was always a French," and stopped reading.

    I agree with everything that muddled said. You should listen to her. -ESDReturns
  • image hindsight's_a_biotch:
    Plus, it's been an entire month and the only thing she wants to do with him is fuuk him. They don't have any other mutual interests?

    Bbbuut, they're newlyweds--isn't fvcking all newlyweds are supposed to do?!?!?

  • Bottom line, she feels neglected.

    If she didn't feel that way, I don't think she would be as worried about the sex.

    Sure, she would want it still but if he was paying more attention to her it wouldn't be as big an issue.

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  • image steve&heather:

    image hindsight's_a_biotch:
    Plus, it's been an entire month and the only thing she wants to do with him is fuuk him. They don't have any other mutual interests?

    Bbbuut, they're newlyweds--isn't fvcking all newlyweds are supposed to do?!?!?

    I suppose if you got married because you were saving yourself. lol



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  • image pedantic_wench:
    Sure, she would want it still but if he was paying more attention to her it wouldn't be as big an issue.

    True, but she needs to pipe up and say what she wants/needs from him. Whining isn't going to do it. 

  • I think she just romanticized what marriage was going to be, and when it became reality and not fantasy she's all miffed about it. 

    I also wonder if she's hyping up the dating time. I have several gf's who've done this. Get married and start revisiting 'the good ol' days.' The good old days were not as good as their memory says.  

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  • I think there is a lot of over-reaction there to a certain degree.

    Its been a month! Odds are they are just coming down off the wedding hussle & bustle. Adjusting to married life and it sounds like he is working a bunch in a stressful job. There is a root of his sexual apathy and I think it might have to do with stress. She should talk to him about it. I don't see anything about conversations. Odds are he needs to let off steam and so he does it with gaming instead of sex.

    I think she is expecting this fairytale, mind-blowing sex-a-thon now that they are married. I don't think she has actually discussed it with him or brought up the fact that she wants more sex. I think she is just expecting him to initiate. I don't see anything like him rejecting her openly or anything.

    If he has the beginnings of a gaming addiction then they should address it now. However, I get the feeling she is just pouting around without speaking up. Sex drive waxes and wanes (as Tarpon mentioned in the thread) but you do you have to have some effort on both sides.

     

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  • image hindsight's_a_biotch:
    image steve&heather:

    image hindsight's_a_biotch:
    Plus, it's been an entire month and the only thing she wants to do with him is fuuk him. They don't have any other mutual interests?

    Bbbuut, they're newlyweds--isn't fvcking all newlyweds are supposed to do?!?!?

    I suppose if you got married because you were saving yourself. lol

    LOL. 

  • image steve&heather:

    image pedantic_wench:
    Sure, she would want it still but if he was paying more attention to her it wouldn't be as big an issue.

    True, but she needs to pipe up and say what she wants/needs from him. Whining isn't going to do it. 

    Of course.

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  • They sound like they are 12. 
  • The thing that actually gets me - they've been together for over THREE years.  The first year they were doing it like rabbits, then the next 2 years, before they got married, everything changed.

    And now, NOW, "1 month" into marriage, she isn't happy.  This has nothing to do w/ the "let down" after the wedding.  ALL THIS behavior has been there for 2 years. 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • His gaming has to go. His dumb games are taking precedence over his wife and his marriage.

    She has said "during university" so I am guessing he and she are in at least 24 or a bit more. Doesn't matter how old: this guy is neglecting his wife and it's just not normal for sex to drop off into a void at any time during a marriage.

    Consider that they moved in a dang month after they met. What this was was infatuation and that's all -- when there was no sex after a year she should have bidden him adieu, along with his game playing.

    They probably got married because it was expected next.
  • image EastCoastBride:

    The thing that actually gets me - they've been together for over THREE years.  The first year they were doing it like rabbits, then the next 2 years, before they got married, everything changed.

    And now, NOW, "1 month" into marriage, she isn't happy.  This has nothing to do w/ the "let down" after the wedding.  ALL THIS behavior has been there for 2 years. 

    Yeah that's what I thought too when I read it.

  • image EastCoastBride:

    The thing that actually gets me - they've been together for over THREE years.  The first year they were doing it like rabbits, then the next 2 years, before they got married, everything changed.

    And now, NOW, "1 month" into marriage, she isn't happy.  This has nothing to do w/ the "let down" after the wedding.  ALL THIS behavior has been there for 2 years. 

    Agreed. It's not new behavior. Things have been this way for the last two years and the OP thought that putting a ring on his finger would change everything.

    A lot of the responses though...AA? Divorce? Holy crap! 

  • I just can't believe that she's shocked that the first year or so is the time when you can't keep your hands off of each other, but then after that, not so much.  Isn't this just, you know, long-term relationships?  I know couples continue to have sex, and enjoy it, but the gotta have you now to the exclusion of all other activities does go away.
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  • Diagnosis: Incompatible sex drives coupled with marriage-is-the-next-step.

    ::Gavel::

    This is my siggy.
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