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MOH in wedding vs. Family funeral

2»

Re: MOH in wedding vs. Family funeral

  • If my Husband needed me to be there with him I would stay home. If he is ok with it, go to the wedding.
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  • image vjcjenn1:
    hold the phone, she died last weekend and the funeral is this weekend...what's holding up the um, process. If someone in my family died on Saturday, the viewings would be Monday, funeral Tuesday. Is it a memorial service?

     

    Does your religion require it? Other than certain faiths that require a short time line, IME, people tend to wait 5 days or so. It takes that long to get everything together. Then need a day or two to just breath and deal with the loss, then a day or two to plan. 

  • image IrishBrideND:
    image -auntie-:
    image askmetostay:
    image -auntie-:
    image Sunshine+Luv:
    image -auntie-:

    Can someone budge here?

    If you were instrumental to the funeral, they would have scheduled it for Monday so you could come home early and attend. That says a lot about how important you are to this. This might be reasonable in a small family or ridiculous if there are boatloads of survivors.

    Of course, this is your BFF who could possibly tweak her date until Sunday and allow you to switch your flight and come in for the actual ceremony.

     

    What? I think that would be impossible, to "tweak" a wedding date. Think of all the people hired to help on wedding day, in addition to all of the other guests who have made arrangements to attend.

    The OP stated that this particular wedding is a destination wedding.

    "My best friend is getting married this weekend as well...I am the matron of honor in her destination wedding, we were planning on being gone from Thursday until Monday."

    As such, the move frome Saturday to Sunday may not be a huge deal. The few destination weddings I've attended could have easily been re-arranged to 24 hours later.

    this is the craziest thing ever.

     

    Really?

    In my world people make accommodations. My niece's best friend moved her wedding in Hawaii by a day because of a snowstorm that grounded my niece (her MOH) and and her FILs at JFK. The resort was very gracious about it. One of my friend's MIL  rescheduled her own DH's funeral to include her son who died a few days later. She felt if would be less stressful for her grandchildren to have the funeral service combined. The men had indivdiual visitations and burials in two different cemetaries and it was an awfully long day but both churches and funeral homes made it work. My mother scheduled her older sister's funeral to allow me to attend my MIL's with DH. My aunt and MIL died within minutes of each other 800 miles apart.

    Even Prince Charles rescheduled his second wedding to the next day when the Pope died. I have a commemorative mug with the orginal date on it.

     

    You are comparing the OP to Prince Charles? Really. Of course a prince can change his date. He can do what ever the hell he wants, lol. 

     

    I had a domestic destination wedding with 222 guests. It would have been INCREDIBLY rude for me to move the date last minute. The other guests would have been SOL with lost plane tickets and such. Just because the OP was planning to make a long weekend of it doesn't mean all or most of the guests were. How insane is it for a bride to ask her guests to change their hotels/plane tickets/babysitters last minute just for one person?

    The Prince Charles thing was more of a joke. The comparison was to the girl who got married in Hawaii and delayed her weddding. Obviously there are destination weddings and destination weddings. This girl had only parents, sibs, grandparents and very close friends attending. Her grandparents picked up the tab for eveyone.

    I can't imagine asking over 200 people to fly to a wedding. Wow.

  • I would go to the wedding.

    Here's the thing...while you should put your husband first, he should also put you first in the same respect.  I would hope he'd insist you stand up as MOH for your bff.  Both you and your bff would be hurt worse if you missed her wedding day than he'll feel having to mourn with the rest of his family in your absence.  It's not like he's all alone.

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  • What would you want him to do if the situation were reversed?

    I'd stay for the funeral if it were me. Even if he says it's fine, it's really not and he's going to be fielding questions about you all day long, and someone in his family is going to more than likely give him a hard time about it.  

  • I'm leaning towards the wedding, but I'd check with your husband first.
    Always be yourself. Unless you suck.
  • image BCV513:
    I'm going to be the odd woman out and say your husband needs to be your first priority. My FI just lost both his grandparents within six months. He has told me over and over again he could not have gotten through it without me there. I would be so hurt if my spouse put his friend's wedding before me.

    This. 

    If I told my BFF that DH lost his grandmother, she would want me to be there for him. Once you get married, your spouse comes before other family. Parents, friends, and other family members (should) understand this. And it's not like you planned on not coming to the wedding. I know that if I were in your position, I would have such guilty feelings no matter WHAT I chose, but I also know that my BFF would be there the next day .... DH's grandmother is being buried that day and while a wedding is a day you can't get back....you say goodbye once. 

    I dunno ... that's my thoughts. 

  • image -auntie-:
    image IrishBrideND:
    image -auntie-:
    image askmetostay:
    image -auntie-:
    image Sunshine+Luv:
    image -auntie-:

    Can someone budge here?

    If you were instrumental to the funeral, they would have scheduled it for Monday so you could come home early and attend. That says a lot about how important you are to this. This might be reasonable in a small family or ridiculous if there are boatloads of survivors.

    Of course, this is your BFF who could possibly tweak her date until Sunday and allow you to switch your flight and come in for the actual ceremony.

     

    What? I think that would be impossible, to "tweak" a wedding date. Think of all the people hired to help on wedding day, in addition to all of the other guests who have made arrangements to attend.

    The OP stated that this particular wedding is a destination wedding.

    "My best friend is getting married this weekend as well...I am the matron of honor in her destination wedding, we were planning on being gone from Thursday until Monday."

    As such, the move frome Saturday to Sunday may not be a huge deal. The few destination weddings I've attended could have easily been re-arranged to 24 hours later.

    this is the craziest thing ever.

     

    Really?

    In my world people make accommodations. My niece's best friend moved her wedding in Hawaii by a day because of a snowstorm that grounded my niece (her MOH) and and her FILs at JFK. The resort was very gracious about it. One of my friend's MIL  rescheduled her own DH's funeral to include her son who died a few days later. She felt if would be less stressful for her grandchildren to have the funeral service combined. The men had indivdiual visitations and burials in two different cemetaries and it was an awfully long day but both churches and funeral homes made it work. My mother scheduled her older sister's funeral to allow me to attend my MIL's with DH. My aunt and MIL died within minutes of each other 800 miles apart.

    Even Prince Charles rescheduled his second wedding to the next day when the Pope died. I have a commemorative mug with the orginal date on it.

     

    You are comparing the OP to Prince Charles? Really. Of course a prince can change his date. He can do what ever the hell he wants, lol. 

     

    I had a domestic destination wedding with 222 guests. It would have been INCREDIBLY rude for me to move the date last minute. The other guests would have been SOL with lost plane tickets and such. Just because the OP was planning to make a long weekend of it doesn't mean all or most of the guests were. How insane is it for a bride to ask her guests to change their hotels/plane tickets/babysitters last minute just for one person?

    The Prince Charles thing was more of a joke. The comparison was to the girl who got married in Hawaii and delayed her weddding. Obviously there are destination weddings and destination weddings. This girl had only parents, sibs, grandparents and very close friends attending. Her grandparents picked up the tab for eveyone.

    I can't imagine asking over 200 people to fly to a wedding. Wow.

     

    H and I grew up 1000 miles apart. On top of that, we both went to college about 500 miles from where we grew up so our friends are ALL over the country. No matter where we got married, about 90% of our guests would have had to fly. So we picked our alma mater. 

     

    We were screwed no matter what. Trust me, our guests came first. Logistically, our university was the easiest place for most people to get to....and had the cheapest hotels. So "wow" all you want. We did our damn best to but our guests first.

     

    But my point in regards to the OP is you are GREATLY simplfying the situation. The vast majority of weddings in general can't just move the date the week of. 

     

  • image -auntie-:
    image IrishBrideND:
    image -auntie-:
    image askmetostay:
    image -auntie-:
    image Sunshine+Luv:
    image -auntie-:

    Can someone budge here?

    If you were instrumental to the funeral, they would have scheduled it for Monday so you could come home early and attend. That says a lot about how important you are to this. This might be reasonable in a small family or ridiculous if there are boatloads of survivors.

    Of course, this is your BFF who could possibly tweak her date until Sunday and allow you to switch your flight and come in for the actual ceremony.

     

    What? I think that would be impossible, to "tweak" a wedding date. Think of all the people hired to help on wedding day, in addition to all of the other guests who have made arrangements to attend.

    The OP stated that this particular wedding is a destination wedding.

    "My best friend is getting married this weekend as well...I am the matron of honor in her destination wedding, we were planning on being gone from Thursday until Monday."

    As such, the move frome Saturday to Sunday may not be a huge deal. The few destination weddings I've attended could have easily been re-arranged to 24 hours later.

    this is the craziest thing ever.

     

    Really?

    In my world people make accommodations. My niece's best friend moved her wedding in Hawaii by a day because of a snowstorm that grounded my niece (her MOH) and and her FILs at JFK. The resort was very gracious about it. One of my friend's MIL  rescheduled her own DH's funeral to include her son who died a few days later. She felt if would be less stressful for her grandchildren to have the funeral service combined. The men had indivdiual visitations and burials in two different cemetaries and it was an awfully long day but both churches and funeral homes made it work. My mother scheduled her older sister's funeral to allow me to attend my MIL's with DH. My aunt and MIL died within minutes of each other 800 miles apart.

    Even Prince Charles rescheduled his second wedding to the next day when the Pope died. I have a commemorative mug with the orginal date on it.

     

    You are comparing the OP to Prince Charles? Really. Of course a prince can change his date. He can do what ever the hell he wants, lol. 

     

    I had a domestic destination wedding with 222 guests. It would have been INCREDIBLY rude for me to move the date last minute. The other guests would have been SOL with lost plane tickets and such. Just because the OP was planning to make a long weekend of it doesn't mean all or most of the guests were. How insane is it for a bride to ask her guests to change their hotels/plane tickets/babysitters last minute just for one person?

    The Prince Charles thing was more of a joke. The comparison was to the girl who got married in Hawaii and delayed her weddding. Obviously there are destination weddings and destination weddings. This girl had only parents, sibs, grandparents and very close friends attending. Her grandparents picked up the tab for eveyone.

    I can't imagine asking over 200 people to fly to a wedding. Wow.

     

    H and I grew up 1000 miles apart. On top of that, we both went to college about 500 miles from where we grew up so our friends are ALL over the country. No matter where we got married, about 90% of our guests would have had to fly. So we picked our alma mater. 

     

    We were screwed no matter what. Trust me, our guests came first. Logistically, our university was the easiest place for most people to get to....and had the cheapest hotels. So "wow" all you want. We did our damn best to but our guests first.

     

    But my point in regards to the OP is you are GREATLY simplfying the situation. The vast majority of weddings in general can't just move the date the week of. 

     

  • first of all...everyone stop quoting entire strands!

    Then back to the timing of the funeral...no, I don't have any particular religion in mind when I gave my typical timeline...I know Jewish try to bury within 24 hours but this is not what I'm talking about. But waiting an entire week to bury someone seems long to me.

  • image vjcjenn1:

    first of all...everyone stop quoting entire strands!

    Then back to the timing of the funeral...no, I don't have any particular religion in mind when I gave my typical timeline...I know Jewish try to bury within 24 hours but this is not what I'm talking about. But waiting an entire week to bury someone seems long to me.

    A week is long? Just goes to show how people always have differences.

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  • You made a promise to be at the wedding.  Talk with DH see how he feels. I might try to be there for the visitation then fly out. I think it also might be different if you were just attending the wedding but OP is the MOH!

     

    Sorry for your Husband and family. Talk to you DH. Good Luck.

     

  • Funeral

    I wouldn't feel right leaving my DH alone.

  • It really just depends on your personal situation and the nature of these relationships.  I lost my grandma not long after I lost my grandpa.  Rocky could have taken a couple of days off of work to go to Grandma's funeral, but I actually asked him not to.  I have a lot of family and they we were all very supportive of each other.  To me it was easier to know that he was at home holding down the fort so I could relax enough to grieve.  I could stay longer if he wasn't there, and he was taking care of the animals and continuing to work at an hourly job that wouldn't have paid if he'd come with me.  My family judged at first, (not that it really mattered), but when I explained that I wanted him to stay home because he was giving me more support at home than by coming along, they completely understood. 

    Long story short, it really just depends on your own personal circumstances.

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