First time poster here... Been married 3 weeks now. But here's some background. MIL lives w/ us because of health related issues, the reason DH moved back to the area, so the entire time we dated, I knew I'd be moving in w/ her. But the house was/is a disaster. She does not clean, there's just junk everywhere in the kitchen, bathroom (which we've redone), etc...
DH told her way before I moved in that things needed to go (in prep for me moving in as well as stuff just needed to go) She dragged her feet in going thru things and getting rid of stuff (that she didn't even use). I moved in a month before the wedding, and didn't do anything cleaning wise before the wedding. When we got back from the honeymoon, I had 3 weeks still off (being a teacher) to get things in order, go thru gifts and START CLEANING, which I want to get done before the craziness of the school year!! I don't think I've ever been that happy to clean. So I started with the kitchen getting rid of expired food-2008, tupperware with no lids, random junk, and unused dishes. Now, I didnt throw out any of the dishes-simply put them in boxes in another room. I mean I'm not going to let our brand new nicely matching stuff sit in boxes unused (I know that might sound selfish). But also, I want to keep a nice house for my DH (I know that's uber traditional) and I refuse to live in the mess that existed. When I started cleaning, I'd double check with him before moving things to which he said I"if you like it I love it"-interpret-knock yourself out.
Now apparently, MIL feelings are hurt that I'm not involving her in the cleaning (from SIL-not her daughter), but when I've observed for 4 years that this woman does not clean-saw her clean once, literally, why would I ask to to take part in something the she doesn't do? She feels her things are getting thrown out with out her input, but she was told to go thru things and set aside what she wanted because this was going to happen. Now she doesn't come out of her room if we are home, has complained to DH and SIL, who are both on my side.
My question is-honestly, I don't want the woman to feel uncomfortable in the house, but I refuse to let dirt and old unused stuff stay (and to make things fair- I got rid of a TON of my stuff because I knew it'd just become more clutter, so I'm not unfairly targeting just "her" stuff). How do I let her know I will continue cleaning, organizing, sorting etc...but am not doing it do make her feel bad or uncomfortable?