Sex & Romance
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Anyone else's husband prefer to just "pull out?"

When my husband and I started having sex, we always used condoms. I felt bad about it because he always wanted to go natural, so I started on birth control. After we got married, we started having sex less and I hated taking the pill because of they way it made me feel. (I always felt bloated even though I didn't really gain weight, plus I was hardly ever in the mood because of it.) Eventually, I stopped taking the pill, but it's next to impossible to get him to wear a condom. When he has tried, he can't um, keep himself in the mood, because he compares it to the feeling of not wearing anything and it doesn't feel as good.

I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up and get back on birth control. Does anyone else have a hard time getting their husband to wear a condom? Trust me, I enjoy the sex so much more without him using one, but even though he pulls out, I always end up scared that I'll get pregnant anyway. 

Re: Anyone else's husband prefer to just "pull out?"

  • You could look into other forms of birth control. I've heard good things from friends about the Nuva Ring and IUDs.
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  • image ILoveHelloKitty1982:
    You could look into other forms of birth control. I've heard good things from friends about the Nuva Ring and IUDs.

     

    I would actually love to have an IUD, but I was told they do not give them to women who have never had children. Nuva Ring just seems weird I guess because I don't understand how it is used. Do you use it? 

  • They told you wrong....they give IUD's to women who have never given birth....I am proof. And after having one, its the ONLY way I'll go now. I LOOOOOVE it. 

    Occasionally, they can be a bit harder to insert (because of the no children thing) but I had no problem. I also love it because I have not had a period since insertion.

  • I think about the IUD you just need to talk to your GYN about it, I've heard both sides of that too. It may be that only certain ones run the risk of hurting your fertility.

    I've always been on the pill for a while but I have an appt to talk to my GYN about the shot and if it would be a good option for me. These other ladies may know more than me about it but maybe it'd be a good option for you too. You wouldn't have to remember it everyday or anything.

  • Have you considered a diaphragm?

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  • I had Mirena (an IUD) in for a few years and I've never been pregnant/had kids. It is more painful getting it in than it is for someone who has given birth but it's pretty quick and I can't even tell you how unbelievably easy and convenient it is. I think you should seriously consider it.

     I've also had Nuvaring before that and it worked fine though you have to take it out for one week to have your period and then replace with a new one. It's not hard, you just put it up in there, you can't feel it and your partner shouldn't be able to feel it either. I never had problems with it but I got the Mirena because in the long run it was MUCH less expensive.

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  • image campeverett:

    image ILoveHelloKitty1982:
    You could look into other forms of birth control. I've heard good things from friends about the Nuva Ring and IUDs.

     

    I would actually love to have an IUD, but I was told they do not give them to women who have never had children. Nuva Ring just seems weird I guess because I don't understand how it is used. Do you use it? 

    Yes, you CAN have an IUD even if you haven't had children.  Insertion is just a little bit more difficult because your cervix hasn't been stretched out, but there are most certainly GYNs who will give you one if you want one.

    And the NuvaRing is my most favorite form of birth control so far (I obviously took it out to TTC both times).  It's super easy - if you can insert a tampon, you can insert the NuvaRing.  You push it up as far as it will go (it can't get lost, your cervix is in the way), and they you honestly can't/shouldn't feel it.  And then you just leave it - for 3 weeks and then you go Ring-less for a week (if you want a period) or you can leave it in for 4 weeks and then take it out and immediately put a new one in (if you want to skip periods).  I would take mine out before sex, just because it would bump my cervix during sex and make me uncomfortable......but you can leave it out for up to 3 hours, just rinse it off and put it back in as soon as possible.

    I would NOT be ok with my husband just pulling out, unless we were both totally ready to be parents.

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  • Like everyone else has said, women who hadn?t given birth CAN have an IUD, my SIL has one and I will be getting one once my Nuva Ring prescription is up. You asked about Nuva Ring and here?s my experience from having it for three years.

     

    You can?t feel it, by he CAN. My FI doesn?t mind so it?s not a big problem. If the rings cycle isn?t exactly your cycle you may have to extend the 7 days without till you?re done. It?s a lot more convenient than taking a pill every day but it can?t be tailored to your PMS needs like a pill could be. My first year on Nuva ring was great but I have since noticed dryness and, like with many hormonal birth controls, lower libido. One great perk is you can extend the birth control coverage a fourth week if you have big plans. I have used this on occasion for camping trips and special occasions where either I wanted protection or wanted to avoid my period.

     

    My doctor told me to not immediately put in a new ring, I don?t remember exactly why but it had something to do with increased chance of infection etc. I keep my ring in during sex because I don?t push it in terribly far so it doesn?t bump me in any way. Regardless it?s a pretty flexible thing and it?s a bit of a comfort to FI who is terrified of having an accidental pregnancy. I would NEVER just have him pull-out, it is possible to become pregnant that way because some fluids can come out in advance. We use both condoms and birth control to be extra sure and right now, the lube is good for the dryness.

     

    If you?ve got more Nuva Ring questions send me a message.

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  • Thank you everyone for your answers - so helpful! I will look into getting a NuvaRing or an IUD. Some of you have said that your partner can feel the ring, but can they feel an IUD?
  • The guy can NOT feel IUD but of all the forms of birthcontrol, IUDs are one of the most dangerous. beyond the same threats of all other forms of female hormone birth controls that can cause blood clots and whatnot, IUDs can become imbedded which takes surgery to remove and there is a possibility that you can lose the ability to have children whenever you are ready.

    My husband and I have used NuvaRing for a couple of years because BC pills made me feel the exact same way. The reason that nuvaring is great is that since it is right where it needs to be it doesnt release as many hormones as a pill because it doesnt need to travel through your entire system. My husband can feel the ring but it has never bothered him at all and he said it always felt better than when he wears condoms.

    I actually asked my doctor whether there would be any problem in removing the ring just while we have sex and cleaning and replacing it when we were finished. She said that like any other form of BC it would take a while for the hormones to leave your system so it would continue to be effective as long as it was put back in as soon as you were done. The ring doesnt block the semen it is just a plastic ring that is heat activated to release the hormones. If you have no problem using tampons, you will have no problem with the ring. 

    good luck finding whatever works for you =) my husband and i have been using the nuva ring without condoms for years and we havent had any pregnancy scares =) 

    Anniversary
  • you insert the nuva ring like a tampon and leave it in you doe three weeks. Remove the one week for your cycle then replace with a new one. You dont notice it and he wont feel it. We love it.
    Anniversary
  • Is the NuvaRing real expensive? When I was on birth control before, I paid $30 for a months supply of a generic Loestrin. I was told that birth control is not covered by insurance, but since I was misinformed about the IUD, this could be false as well. Also, do you get one ring at a time or does it come in a pack?
  • i pay for 3 months at a time for abour $150 so its about $50 per month. you have to keep the ones you dont use right away in the fridge though so that they wont start releasing hormones.
    Anniversary
  • Just FYI...Nuva Ring can give you symptoms too.  I used it for 3 months and had to stop b/c it completely dried me out, which made sex extremely uncomfortable, and completely took away my sex drive.  I was also a grouch.  I mention this because if the hormones in BCP gave you side effects, Nuva Ring can do the same thing...
  • I also hate the way BC pills make me feel. Have you considered an IUD? I have Mirena, and I love it.
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  • If you're interested you could also pick up the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and try charting your cycle (FAM).  It's more involved than an IUD or the nuvaring, but you would have a better grasp on when you're fertile.  You could also combine that with using a diaphragm during fertile times.

    If you don't like hormones and aren't interested in FAM I'd reccomend a copper IUD or a diaphragm.  

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  • I used Nuva ring for several years and had to stop because I read online that it can  thin the lining of your vagina which makes it more painful. It took about a year for sex to be unbearable even though I'd been on it for several years before that. I went back on the pill and now sex in much more enjoyable. I loved the Nuva ring for the convience but the pain during sex was a definite buzz kill.
    Anniversary
  • Every form of birth control is going to have it's pros, and unfortunately, it's cons. I wish us ladies could just have an "off" switch we could flip back on when we wanted to have children. Wishful thinking ;) 
  • No, we have always used condoms except for a few months when I was on birth control. My DH doesn't mind wearing one at all. He said it really doesn't feel that much different so that's why I went off birth control and we just use condoms. We buy ours online. They are called Crowne Skinless skin. 
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  • My hubby and I LOVE using Crown condoms!  I sometimes ask him if he forgot to put a condom on Stick out tongue

    Anniversary M/c 07.04.10 - m/c 02.14.11
  • image StarEyedGirl:

    My hubby and I LOVE using Crown condoms!  I sometimes ask him if he forgot to put a condom on Stick out tongue

    Totally agree! :) 

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  • I don't know if anyone said it - I could have missed it but paraguard is an IUD that does not have any hormones. I couldn't be on any at all and it uses copper to keep you form getting pregnant. It last for up to 12 years. When I went to the doc and got one I had to actually  go through three different places. I have not had kids. They need to measure your cervix and it is possible that it wont be the right size if you havent had kids - so you have to do through part of the procedure and possibly not get the IUD (annoying) the other big issue is that they can cause infertility and they can get imbedded in you, but that is from puncturing the lining. The way it was explained to me is that it happens within about a month or less of getting one and personally i feel like it woudl be very hard not to notic. Your partner can feel it if the cord is to long, but they will cut it for you and it curls up and sits high and out of your way.
  • image StarEyedGirl:

    My hubby and I LOVE using Crown condoms!  I sometimes ask him if he forgot to put a condom on Stick out tongue

    I've never heard of those....Can you buy them pretty much anywhere they sell condoms?

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  • If your husband does it right, your odds of getting pregnant via pulloutaren't very high. The key though is to make sure he pulls out before he ejaculates ANYTHING. My DH and I usually use this method, but we wouldn't be devasted if I got pregnant again. I don't like BC, and we have condoms but don't usually use them. We've been using the pullout method since my period returned in APril, and no accidents yet. I've researched it a little bit, and many people out there have used it for YEARS without any mishaps.  Of course there's a chance, but there's also a chance with the pill or condoms,

    That being said, if you're really worried about pregnancy, know your cycles and your fertility window. During the times you're not fertile, use pull out. During your fertile window, make your husband put on a condom, or just abstain. I'm not trying to discourage you from other forms of BC, but I've tried like 5 different types of pills, and all of them messed me up more than helped me, and I hate the idea of taking chemicals when it seemed to do more damage.

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  • What about a non-hormonal IUD? Charting? Diaphram? Nuvaring?

    "Pulling out" is not a birth control method, it's prolonging the inevitable.

  • image srburgess87:

    The guy can NOT feel IUD but of all the forms of birthcontrol, IUDs are one of the most dangerous. beyond the same threats of all other forms of female hormone birth controls that can cause blood clots and whatnot, IUDs can become imbedded which takes surgery to remove and there is a possibility that you can lose the ability to have children whenever you are ready.


    This is not correct. IUDs do not have the same risks as BCPs. Blood clots and strokes caused by BCPs are attributed to estrogen. IUD's are non-hormonal (Paragard) or low dose progestin (Mirena), no estrogens.  There are some minimal risks with IUDs such as pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), perforation (which can be fixed without surgery most of the time), and ectopic pregnancy, but these are low risk.  Actually, the risk of ectopic pregnancy with an IUD is lower compared to the general public.  The risk of PID is more associated with unprotected sex with multiple partners, not the IUD itself.

    There is also no association between IUDs and infertility.  Recent studies have shown that tubal infertility is highly associated with STDs (chlamydia and gonorrhea), not IUDs (again unprotect sex, multiple partners).

    As a nurse, I would say that IUDs are probably the least dangerous form of birth control on the market.

    Anniversary
  • Sorry for the late reply, still trying to figure this site out!

     

    We buy them online, in bulk. I think the website hubby uses is Condom Depot? I just checked, here it is: http://www.condomdepot.com/product/detail.cfm/nid/183/pid/2105

    We get the big(102!) pack so it works out to like $.20 each and I have sensitive skin and it's never bothered me.

    Anniversary M/c 07.04.10 - m/c 02.14.11
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